More than friends, less than lovers

Fear

Those times we've had 

I felt you, I want it back

/Jaigantic - Tora/

"Jane," he breathed in, "they want you back."

When I saw Liam, I already knew something must've happened if he was here. But I still had slight hope it wasn't because of this. If they wanted me back, I knew I wouldn't be able to do anything against it.

I looked at the window, taking in the beautiful view at the sea. It was breathtaking.

"How long?" I asked.

He took my hand in his and caressed it with his thumb, then placing his other one on my cheek and raising my chin up so I would face him.

"You know you don't have to do this alone," he said, looking me straight in the eye, "I can help you."

"Help me," I laughed sadly now focusing my sight on the sea outside the window, "I would love to see you try."

The thing is, I screwed up really bad when I left Nick, I always knew that because I had the feeling that the time I spent away from him did me no good, in fact, it made it so much worse. But I had always been good in putting the happy mask on and ignoring the fact that I'm not fine. I am far from it, even now. I feel myself overthink, but I can't help it. There's only one thing I can think about lately and it is tearing me apart. 

"I screwed up," I whisper to myself, stating the obvious, forgetting Liam was right here and now looking at me, his eyes clearly showing his concern and.. pity for me.

This is exactly what I hate, what I fear. Someone looking at me with those eyes, someone thinking I am vulnerable and weak. But the thing worse than that is knowing that I actually am weak, vulnerable and taken onto more than I can physically or emotionally handle.

Liam takes my hand, "I will help you, it is not over."

I give him a smile, "I have to handle this on my own, Liam."

"Bu-"

"No, don't, please. I have to do this, I just have to. Otherwise.. Nevermind, just give me a few minutes."

I get up, only to be stopped by Liam pulling my hand. I'm already preparing for the pity and him trying to make me change his mind, but he looks at me like he used to, like he admires me. 

"I'll wait in the car, sexy," he winks at me and gives me a slap on the butt, before going out. 

I laugh it off and quickly make my way upstairs. 

In a few minutes I have everything packed and I go to Jacks room, leaving him a note, so he wouldn't be worried and then go downstairs, struggling with my suitcase. 

"Need any help?" I hear him before I see him. 

"Uh.. Yes, it would be nice." 

He comes really close to me, I can feel the heat of his skin against mine and as I think he is leaning in to kiss me, he just grabs the suitcase behind me like it's nothing.

"Thanks."

"Aren't you going to explain?" he says, looking at me with emotionless face.

"No," I say, heading towards the door, hoping he wouldn't try to stop me. 

And he doesn't, that I realize only when I am already in the plane, heading somewhere from where I am not really sure if I will return.

There is a saying that if a person does it once, he will do it again. And that is what I am doing. 

Only this time it is in my hands if I screw up or not. But there is no way I would let myself screw up, because this time it's live or die game.

__________

I walk in the building like it's nothing, even thought I am walking in a place where assassins live. 

As I open the door, I get a gun pointed right on my forehead. The guy standing behind the gun is a walking brick wall, he is all muscles,at least 5 times bigger than me. The only thing off in his look is the pink apron. 

I roll my eyes and slap his hand away, "Marc, how many times do I have to tell you that you can't wash white clothes with red ones!" 

"And how many times do I have to tell you to write that down!" He yells back.

"Ladies! Calm down!" Liam stands between us, laughing.

I look at Marc and we nod at each other, then tackle Liam to the ground. 

"Okaaaaay! Sorry, jee! Let go, it hurts!" 

"Jane, you're back!" a gorgeous looking teenage boy hurries and hugs me. 

"Did they treat you well?" I ask, while hugging Conor.  

"Hey, back off you idiot, she's mine!" the most beautiful girl Lilly slaps Conor's head and gives me a hug as well. 

"Everybody, shut up!" in walks our boss, Dennis, also a really good looking guy, he is pretty similar to Nick on the outside and inside.

He walks toward me and everyone quickly leaves my side. He is now standing in front of me and I would lie if I said that I wasn't a bit scared, after all, I did run away. 

"Hi, I'm sorry I didn't wa-" 

A hard slap shuts me up. I was expecting something like this, but I never really thought it could happen because after all, my face was the reason why I was working here and he could leave a bruise this way which would affect all of our jobs. 

"What the fuck were you thinking?" He asks, venom dripping from his voice.

I guess, I should explain now. After me and Jack started going in a school, things happened to me and I was brought to this company, if I may say so. We all are something like spies. Normally if I left they wouldn't really care about me and kill me, but they couldn't, because I left in the middle of my mission, which means I left them out in the open. 

Liam steps in before Dennis can hit me again, "Don't, we need her."

I feel Dennis stare at me with a cold, as he turns around and leaves. Everyone quickly rushes to help me, Lilly gets ice, Connor plaster, while Liam looks at the damage made.  

"I'm sorry guys, I didn't mean to leave you like that.." 

It all goes quiet, because I hadn't apologized to them earlier, but they just accepted me the way I am. 

Lilly speaks first, "It's alright, we understand why you did it."

They knew everything that had happened to me, they were the ones by my side. Sometimes I felt like I was the weak link in this family, screw it, I was the weak link, that's why they just forgave me for fucking up nonstop. Hell, they could of been killed, but they just forgive me. 

Just because of the one mission they avoided to talk about. 

The mission in which I lost her