More than friends, less than lovers

Heal

Take my mindand take my pain 

like an empty bottle takes the rain 

and heal, heal, hell, heal 

And tell me some things lasts

/Heal - Tom Odell/

The end of school

For the past few months until today, it is, Jack had only hung out.. with no one in particular. We were best friends, but he just kept telling me he was fine when I tried to pretend that I didn't see his red eyes screaming for sleep, for someone.

Why would he be like this? Because Elena hadn't texted him, not even once.

At first, I was shocked, I kept telling him that she's going to write soon, bla bla. But as the months passed I knew she wouldn't. I was worried about what had happened to her, but I was way more worried about how bad Jack was right now.

He even stopped playing basketball until new year and it was quite big for someone whose whole life is basketball. He eventually went back, knowing this is the only thing that led him closer to forgetting about Elena. He smiled, but I could tell it didn't reach nor his eyes or heart. It was killing me to see him this way.

I was still with Nick and we had made future plans about university and place to live. Now I could truly admit that I love him, and without a doubt it goes both ways. We were just fine and he was trying to support me and me helping Jack get through this, even thought I knew he was still jealous of my past feelings towards Jack.

''Are you going to stare at that wall for long?'' Jack said, I couldn't hear, ''Aye, captain, wakey, wakey!'' I quickly looked around confused.

''What?'' I said. Okay, maybe I wasn't that great at watching how my best friend was doing, since all I did was stare into wall.

''What university are you applying to?'' I asked, because this matter really made me curious.

''This famous basketball place in the UK offered me a scholarship, I'm thinking about that,'' he then got lost in himself and smiled in a ghost smile, ''me and El actually had decided to go to Stanford.''

I simply stared at him, hoping he would continue. I wouldn't risk saying something, because this was the first time in months he had mentioned her. I have to cherish this moment. He is opening up to me.

He looked at ground, still ghost smiling, ''Do you think she'll be back?'' he suddenly looked at me. I didn't know what to answer, so I decided to remain quiet.

One.. two... three,four, five. I counted all teardrops coming from his eyes as they clearly didn't stop at 5. I quickly hurried over and hugged him from behind. He was sitting in his bed, head in his arms now.

''I'm here. It's alright,'' I simply sat there, listening to him cry, surprised by his break down. 

This was my best friend breaking down. It went on for about 15 minutes, while I just sat there, hugging him, being silent.

''Th-'' his voice cracked from crying, he coughed to clear his throat.

''Thanks, Jane. I really have no idea what I'd do without you by my side,'' he turned around, now facing me and hugged me back. Then we just sat their in silence, connecting our foreheads.

Wait. I can't.

At this exact moment I decided to make my most painful decision ever. He is my best friend, I can't just let him be this way while I'm happy somewhere else.

''Look, Jack. I must go now, but I'll see you tomorrow in the graduation ceremony, ok?'' He looked at me confused, but I knew I couldn't tell him, he wouldn't let me do what I had to do. 

''Is everything allr-''

''I love you," I placed a kiss on his cheek, hugged him and hurried out of the door, jumping in my car and going to Nicks place. 

Oh, dear god, please make sure Nick will be happy.