Under Control

Chapter 4

Ever feel like you are completely depressed sometimes without any particular reason? Like you just can't accept the life you are living because it's nothing you imagined it to be.

I think it's stupid how when you are a kid everyone is like you should know what you want when you grow up or what you want to be cause by the time you grow up, all the things you were hoping for happen to become just dreams not reality like they were meant to be. They happen to become miles away from where they should be.

If someone asked me where i would've been in 10 years when i was 19 I definitely wouldn't say a professor in university teaching a class i don't even believe in anymore. You get your hopes up for nothing and hope breeds eternal misery.

It was almost time for my class and i felt uneasy today. I didn't want Demi to show up. Our encounter at my apartment yesterday felt awkward for me i really don't know about her but i know It'll be even more awkward now.

I start my class once everyone settled and as usual her chair remained empty and for a few seconds i thought she was actually gonna skip today but turns out that my guts were wrong because just a few split seconds from my class she came rushing in. Her hair wet and her clothes worn completely without style.

She looked like she just woke up but she still looked incredibly intriguing, much like a messy sexy teenager. Which she was minus the part where her being a teenager. She looked out of breath.

"Sorry i'm late." She said in between breaths as she tried to get comfy in her seat. I couldn't get anything out of my mouth. She smirked at me and I naturally turned around facing the bored.

I rubbed the back of my neck trying to regain my normal posture. I forced my brain to start functioning again and put aside all my fidgeting thoughts.

Out of instincts i ignored her throughout the entire class. I distracted myself in any kind of way hoping to avoid any encounter with her hopefully till the end of the year. If she graduates.

My class finished after an hour and i began to pack my things ready to leave. I took out my car keys from my bag and then hung it on my shoulder walking out when i saw her. Her back pressed against the wall, her head upwards also leaned on the wall. She stared at the celling intensely.

I would be lying if i said i didn't wonder what on earth was she thinking about but i minded my own business and walked of passing her but after a few seconds i heard my name.

"Alex?" she called me in a questionable tone. you'd think she'd be respectful enough to at least call me Mrs. Vause on campus but no. Ether way i owe it to her to listen to what she has to say. who knows where i would've been last night if she didn't take me home.

i turned to listen to her. she smiled slightly but it wasn't like her everyday normal sly side smirk smile. no this was a different smile. it hinted a little sadness from how little effort she put into smiling in the first place.

"Can you help me out with something? you know in return for yesterday." i would've rejected her if it were like any other day and last night didn't happen but it did happen and i rightfully owe her a favor.

"what do you need?" i asked, playing with my car keys as i wait for her answer.

"A ride." she said laughing slightly, i could tell it was a laughter indicating embarrassment.

"A ride?" i questioned dose she always not have a ride.

"ya if i use the car my dad prepared for me i wouldn't be able to go to the swimming hall." she explained.

"you're dad prepares cars for you?" is this middle school or university.

"embarrassing i know so can i get that ride?" she asked me again, i couldn't quiet deny her help. She helped me so this is my thank you for her. i just hope the car ride won't be more than an hour long.

"ya sure." i said. she smiled big.

"Thank you!!" you're a life saver." she said with so much happiness that disgusted my dark depressive self. I started to walk to my car and climbed in the drivers side as she climbed into the passengers seat.

A few minutes passed since we got in my car, she gave me the location i needed and soon everything went quiet. i didn't know if i should turn the music on or not. the silence between us was deafening. My phone buzzed and i glanced at it before paying attention to the road again it was a text from piper. i instantly felt a rush pain hit me like i always felt. i tried my very best to ignore it.

"She your girlfriend?" she asked me, i couldn't help but feel anger rise in me, why the hell would she ask that.

"No she's not. She's engaged" i said abruptly. she raised her eyebrows and let out a big sigh.

"Drama." she breathed out.

"You don't know anything okay." i said and she just smiled that signature smile of hers. you couldn't really know whether it was a smile or a smirk she had a way of making it both.

"i know enough." she said, i rolled my eyes. "You didn't deny that you weren't attracted to her that way just that you weren't together and i saw the way you looked at her when she came by your place yesterday. Your eyes were all goofily in love. i also kinda always knew you were gay. my gay radars are always on point." she said while chuckling.

"Don't ever bring up yesterday again." i said anger hinting at my voice. It was like dealing with a child.

"wow okay relax i I won't bring it up again." she said her fingers zipping her fake lip zippers.

"don't bring up things you don't have the right to bring up." i said feeling like i have to justify my brutality.

"you have so much anger built in you." she said looking at me. I squeezed the wheel not because of anger but because she was right and i was feeling sad that she was right. I stopped the car at where she wanted to be. it was this fancy swimming hall. It looked so damn expensive and huge.

I was too busy admiring the view of the place that i didn't snap out of it until i felt soft skin on my arm that was squeezing the shit out of my car steering wheel. I looked up at her she was smiling, comforting me.

"you have to get that anger out. I understand that type of anger. I used to be that, we don't really know each other but if you ever feel like needing a bunching bag" she said pulling a piece of sticky note out of her bag and writing something down, folding it  and stretching her hand out for me. "literally or mentally you can always call me." she said and i hesitantly took the sticky note she smiled at me opening the car door and getting out only to pop her head back in.

"thanks again for the ride." she said and then left. i unfolded the piece of paper to find a phone number in it. Dose she really just want to help me? What are her real intentions? i can't help but think it over as i drive home.

Something was off about her for me. I got home and entered. I looked around my ordinary apartment. I sighed feeling like the loneliest person in the whole entire world.