Trust Issues | Dick Grayson

eight | confessions

Valerie. ✖️

It was about to be one in the morning and I still haven't told him. Truthfully, I had no idea why I was if it wasn't that bad.

Maybe I was just ashamed? But I did the right thing, I know I did. I know I did some awful things to that harmed others, but I had to.

"Baby," I looked up and saw Dick walking over to the bed. We were sleeping in his room today. "Are you okay?"

Worry was written all across his face and I couldn't help but feel guilty for worrying him.

"Can I get some things off my chest?" I almost whispered. Well whispering wasn't my intention, but my voice was so soft that it could easily be counted as a whisper.

"Of course," He got on his side of the bed and laid on his side. "You can tell me anything, Valerie."

I took a deep breath in and let it out. "I'm going to tell you everything, I promise."

I saw him nod and tried to connect all my thoughts into words and sentences that would make sense.

"The reason the Joker is after me is because I worked for him." I saw his eyes widen and I almost considered backing out but it was too late.

Gulping, I continued. "I worked for him a-and I had a thing with him. But it was short lived and I never loved him, Dick. Now that I look back at it, never did I have feelings for that psychotic clown."

"You don't have to lie to me, Valerie." God, there was nothing worse than hearing the pain in his voice.

"Dick, I never had feelings for him. Just let me finish," I could see him getting angry and I had to fight back the tears. "Please."

He sighed and let me continue.

"I didn't start working for him by choice. He killed my father and almost killed my mother, but I was able to convince him not to. That's why she moved and that's why she called me that night; to see if I was still alive."

"I told him that I was a really good fighter and I would help him do whatever he wanted as long as he didn't kill her. Surprisingly, he agreed. I guess he was short on workers."

"So why did he try to kill you that night?" He asked. By now he wasn't laying anymore, he was sitting in bed interested in what I was saying.

"Let me finish." I smiled, trying to ease the tension. "Harley was with Ivy most of the time. So I guess he just wanted someone, but I'm not sure since he rarely talked about his feelings."

"I know this is probably obvious but he was abusive." Dick frowned. "He hurt me a lot, sometimes I just wanted to quit but I knew he would kill me if I did. At the beginning, him killing me scared me to death after seeing how he killed some people. But now him killing me doesn't really matter."

"Valerie, your life matters."

"I'm not suicidal, Dick. That's not what I meant." I took a few more deep breaths in and out. God, I hated talking about him. "One day, when we were together, he went crazy. Well crazier than usual."

Dick chuckled at that but reached over to grab my hand for comfort.

"We were sitting together and he was talking to me about your brother, Jason. He sounded so happy and it was so disgusting to me. I told him how he shouldn't have done that, that Jason didn't deserve that at all. I was angry, furious even, because I thought Jason did die. So I said things I shouldn't have."

"He hurt me a lot the whole time I was there, but this night was different. He never had the intention to kill me, but I felt like this night he did."

I felt him squeeze my hand as I remembered that awful night. It felt as if I could still feel all the hits.

"He just wouldn't stop, Dick. I begged and cried and he just kept going; Yelling at me to never talk to him like that again."

I could feel tears coming out but tried to push them back as hard as I could.

"I was on the brink of death, and he didn't care. He told me that this is what happens to traitors. I was a traitor in his eyes just because I was disgusted with what he did to Jason."

"Dick, I really felt like I was going to die that night."

"I'm sorry, Valerie."

"When he saw that I could barely even move anymore and my breathing was starting to change, he started panicking. He started yelling at his goons to do something but they all told him that it was too risky to take me to a hospital."

"So, he took me and a really young healthy goon to Ras Al Ghul and the Lazarus pit. Truthfully, I was confused as to why he took that goon but I was thankful he did. The man tried his best to keep me alive and calm while the Joker drove."

"When we got there, I was still confused as to why he told the other man to get out. He was confused too. The Pit intimated me to be honest, I've heard of it but never really saw it."

"Joker talked to Ras about something while he left me with the other man. I could barely even walk. But when Joker came over, he told the man to carry me. So that's when I thought that that was the only reason he brought the man, so he could throw me in."

"But when he pushed both of us in, I was confused and in pain. The Lazarus pit was extremely painful." I shuddered just remembering it. "When I came out, it was only me. I had no idea where the man went and the Joker didn't either."

"He asked what happened to the man and when Joker described him, Ras shook his head and told him that he died because he was too healthy for the pit. And then the worst part was," I couldn't help but feel guilty at the last part. "Since he died in the pit with me, I was cursed with immortality."

"Y-You're immortal?" I didn't know what he felt about it and that just made me even more nervous.

I nodded and continued. "You can just imagine how worse the Joker's beatings got since he knew I couldn't die. After that, I told him I didn't want to be with him anymore. Surprisingly, he respected that and then I just worked for him."

"That night when you found me, he was going to kill me because I wanted to quit. He thought it'd be entertaining to see how I came back from being exploded."

"Valerie."

"If you don't want to be with me anymore, I understand." I looked down as I waited for his answer.

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AU: I got the immortality idea from this one part that I found on the Lazarus idea so it's not totally my idea :-) This part: "In the process, two souls enter and the Pit destroys one while imbuing the other with youth and immortality." Except I didn't do the youth thing!!