Desolate Love

Chapter 22: The Weight of Forgiveness

Vaughn POV

I could feel the tension in my chest tightening with every step I took down the hallway. The meeting had been scheduled for almost a week, and yet I still found myself trying to talk myself out of going. But I couldn't. Not now. I'd already agreed to the five meetings. And no matter how much I wanted to avoid them, I knew I couldn't just pretend that nothing had happened. I couldn't pretend they didn't exist anymore. The truth was, I didn't know what the hell I was doing.

The door to the conference room stood in front of me. I could hear voices faintly from inside—Toby and Alec, both already there, probably talking about me. What else was new?

I knocked once, pushing the door open slowly, bracing myself for the inevitable.

Toby looked up first, his face lighting up with something close to relief, but it quickly faded when he saw my expression. Alec followed his gaze, eyes softening, though I could see the tension in his posture. He was waiting. Waiting for me to speak, to break the silence, to give him the green light to say whatever apology he had been practicing since I agreed to this whole ridiculous thing.

I said nothing at first. Just stood there, in the doorway, my arms crossed over my chest, trying to ignore the rush of memories that came flooding back the moment I saw them. *These are the guys who abandoned you,* my brain screamed. *These are the ones who made you feel like you weren't worth a damn.*

But then I forced myself to take a breath. I couldn't do this. I couldn't let them see me break, not after everything. Not after the years of rebuilding myself, brick by brick, only for them to waltz back in like they had every right to be here.

"You're here," Alec said, his voice quieter than usual, almost tentative. "I wasn't sure if you would be."

I didn't answer right away. Instead, I let my eyes linger on him, studying his face for any sign that he meant what he'd said in that last meeting—the apology that still felt like it was made out of thin air, like he was apologizing just to check a box. It wasn't enough. Not nearly enough. But did I want to hear more of the same today? Did I want to hear *more* apologies? What was the point?

"I'm here," I finally said, my voice controlled but cold. "But I don't know what you want from me, Alec. You're not going to convince me that this is all okay just because you say you're sorry."

Toby winced at my tone, but Alec didn't flinch. He just nodded, his hands tucked into the pockets of his jacket like he didn't know what to do with them. His expression was soft, sincere, but that didn't change anything. It didn't change the fact that they had hurt me, that they had left me to deal with everything alone.

"We know it's not okay," Alec responded quietly. "We don't expect you to forgive us. But we *do* expect to show you that we're not the people who left you. We've changed, Vaughn. I—" He broke off, looking at Toby for a second before continuing, "We both want to prove that we're not who we were."

That damn word again. *Changed.* It hung in the air between us like a promise, but it tasted bitter in my mouth.

"Do you know what the problem is with that?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. "You say you've changed, Alec. You say you've changed, but it doesn't make a difference. You can't just erase what you did."

I saw the flicker of frustration in his eyes, the tightening of his jaw. But I didn't care. He had every right to be frustrated with me, but the thing was, they couldn't *fix* what they'd done, not with empty words. Not with the promise of change.

"We were blind, Vaughn," Toby said, his voice low but steady. "I see that now. And I can't change what happened. But we want to try, even if it means just... being here for you, in whatever way you need."

"I don't need you," I muttered under my breath before I could stop myself. The words came out jagged, more painful than I expected. I let out a shaky breath, forcing myself to look at them. "I didn't need you then. I don't need you now."

Silence filled the room, stretching uncomfortably as the weight of my words sank in. I knew I'd hurt them with that, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered when it came to the reality of how I'd been left behind. How I had been abandoned, left to handle everything on my own, while they moved on with their lives like it was nothing.

Alec didn't speak for a long moment, but I could feel the heaviness in his stare. He was trying. I could tell. He was trying so damn hard, and I could see the cracks in the armor he had built around himself. I wanted to look away. I wanted to leave. But there was this part of me, this small, weak part, that wanted to believe. To believe they were truly sorry, that they truly understood the depth of the pain they had caused me.

"I didn't ask for your forgiveness," I said quietly, my voice cracking just a bit. "I'm not looking for it. But maybe... maybe you two are looking for something that doesn't even exist anymore. I'm not the same person I was. And I don't know if I can ever let myself be that person again."

Toby took a slow step forward, but I immediately held up my hand, stopping him.

"You can't just expect me to let go of everything," I said, swallowing hard. "I can't just act like it didn't happen. You don't get to just waltz back into my life because you say you're different. I don't *owe* you that."

Toby's face softened, but there was something in his eyes that I hadn't seen before. Guilt, sure, but also... *pain*. Like he could feel it, too. The weight of everything we'd lost.

"I'm not asking you to forget," Toby said, voice tight. "I just want to be here. I want to show you that we can be better."

"Better," I repeated, a bitter laugh escaping me. "You can't be better, Toby. Not for me. Not after everything."

And yet, despite everything, the idea of them trying—of them actually trying—hit me harder than I cared to admit.

The silence between us hung thick, and for a moment, I let the weight of it settle around me. Maybe they were truly different. Maybe they weren't the same people who had walked away. But that didn't change the fact that the years of pain, of neglect, still clung to me like a shadow I couldn't shake. I didn't know how to move past it. I didn't know if I even *wanted* to.

"We'll keep trying," Alec said after a long pause, his voice quiet but firm. "Whether you want us to or not."

And with that, I knew something had shifted. Whether it was for better or worse, I couldn't tell yet. But I couldn't shut them out. Not completely. Not just yet.

"Fine," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "But this is it. You get one chance. And I won't let you hurt me again."

And as I turned to walk out of the room, I couldn't help but wonder—Would they?

---

The path to forgiveness wasn't easy, and it was far from clear. But somewhere, deep down, I knew this was only the beginning.

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It's been ages since I wrote this book, I tried to make it flow as best as I could but my style of writing has changed since then, I'm so sorry about that ♡