Desolate Love

Chapter 27: The Weight of Unspoken Words

Vaughn POV

The next few days were no different from the last. The same dull routine. The same suffocating air in the office that I couldn't seem to escape. I had almost perfected the art of existing without really *being* there. The others went about their work, chatting about trivial things, while I buried myself in my sketches, pretending I was as detached as I wanted everyone to believe I was.

But there were moments, brief and fleeting, where Alec's eyes would linger on me a little too long, where I could feel the weight of his gaze pressing against my skin like a thousand tiny needles. I didn't know what he was looking for. What he hoped to find. Maybe a crack in my armor, a sign that I was weakening, that I was ready to forgive him, to forgive them.

But I wasn't.

I couldn't be.

There were too many layers of hurt, too many memories of the things they had said and done. The years of silence, of being ignored, of being abandoned while they built their own little world without me in it. They had never reached out. They had never even tried. And now they expected me to just forgive them and let them waltz back into my life like nothing had ever happened.

That wasn't how it worked.

I didn't know if Alec realized how much of a battle this was for me. How every time I saw him, every time he came close, I felt that pull in my chest, that fucking weakness that I hated. It would have been so easy to let him back in, to let him apologize over and over until it became a mantra. But I couldn't.

I wasn't that stupid.

But that didn't mean it didn't hurt.

I had tried to shut out the growing knot in my stomach every time I saw them. But no matter how hard I tried to ignore it, the knot was always there, pulling at me, reminding me of what they had taken from me. I had tried to move on. I had tried to rebuild myself, to find my own sense of purpose in a world that had seemed so hopeless at one point.

And yet, there they were, with their apologies, their regret, their fucking hope.

I wanted to scream. I wanted to throw it all in their faces and tell them exactly how I felt. But I didn't. I couldn't. Instead, I did what I always did. I pushed the emotions down, buried them deep inside me, where they couldn't hurt anyone. Least of all, me.

***

It was another late afternoon when it happened.

I was sitting in the break room, trying to avoid the conversation in the main office. I had already seen Alec pacing back and forth, glancing my way every now and then, as if waiting for some sign that I was ready to talk. I wasn't.

I had just taken a sip of my water when I felt a presence beside me. My first instinct was to ignore it, to pretend like I didn't feel the heat of someone standing too close. But then a soft voice broke through the silence.

"Vaughn..."

It was Alec. Of course, it was Alec.

I didn't even look at him. I kept my gaze fixed on the water bottle in my hands, focusing on the sound of the liquid sloshing inside.

"Are you still upset with me?" he asked, his voice almost tentative, unsure.

My lips curled into a tight, almost bitter smile. "You really think that's all this is, don't you?" I finally met his gaze, watching the way his expression faltered under the weight of my words.

"I—no," he stammered. "I just... I don't know how to make it right. I just want to fix things between us."

I couldn't help but laugh. It was a harsh, hollow sound. "You can't fix what you broke, Alec. Not like this. Not with words."

There was a brief silence between us, a quiet understanding that hung in the air. Alec shifted, looking away for a moment, before meeting my eyes again.

"I know," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "I don't expect you to forgive me right now. I just... I wanted you to know that I'm trying."

"Trying doesn't cut it," I snapped before I could stop myself. "You didn't try before. You didn't try when it mattered. So why should I believe that you mean it now?"

Alec flinched at the sharpness in my voice, and I could see the guilt flooding his features. But I didn't care. He deserved it. They both did.

"I didn't know what to do back then," he said quietly, almost to himself. "I was so scared of losing Toby, and I let that fear control everything. I let it push you away. And I... I regret it every day."

I clenched my fists, fighting the urge to yell at him. Fighting the urge to let all of the anger and hurt I had buried deep inside me come flooding to the surface. I couldn't let him see me like that. I wouldn't let him see me weak.

"You should have tried," I said, my voice cold. "You should have tried when I needed you. But you didn't. You left me to deal with it alone, with no one. I don't know what you thought you were doing, but it doesn't matter now. It's too late."

Alec looked down, his shoulders sagging slightly, and for a moment, I felt a flicker of pity. Just a flicker. But it was gone before I could fully acknowledge it. This wasn't about him. This wasn't about his regrets.

This was about me.

"You really hate me that much, don't you?" he asked, his voice so quiet now it almost hurt to hear.

I didn't answer immediately. The words were stuck in my throat, heavy and hard to say. And deep down, despite everything, a part of me wanted to tell him it wasn't hate. It was something more complicated.

But instead of answering, I stood up abruptly, leaving the water bottle on the table, and walked out of the break room, not bothering to glance back.

I could hear Alec's voice behind me, soft and full of pain, but I didn't want to hear it. Not now. Not when everything inside me was screaming to ignore it, to push him away, to keep walking and never look back.

***

The rest of the day passed in a blur. My mind kept replaying the conversation I had had with Alec, the quiet hurt in his voice, and the way it almost made me feel like I had made a mistake.

I hated myself for even considering that possibility. I hated how much power he still had over me, even after everything they had done.

But I wouldn't let it change anything. I couldn't.

When the day ended, I packed up my things quickly, not bothering to check if either Alec or Toby was still around. I needed to get away, to breathe, to remind myself that I was fine on my own.

As I stepped out into the cool evening air, I told myself it was better this way. That I didn't need them. I had made it this far without them. I was stronger without them.

But somewhere deep down, in the quiet corners of my mind, I couldn't shake the nagging feeling that I might have just made the biggest mistake of my life.