Desolate Love

Chapter 34: Running Away

Vaughn POV

The moment Alec's lips left mine, my world seemed to shatter.

My breath caught in my throat. It felt like the entire room was spinning out of control. I stood there, frozen for a second, my heart pounding, chest tight. His kiss had been... everything. It wasn't just the physical connection that threw me off—it was everything beneath it. The rawness of it, the way it almost felt like a confession. Like a thousand unspoken words pressed into one moment. But that wasn't the problem.

I was the problem.

A sharp, deep breath forced its way through my clenched teeth, and I suddenly couldn't stand it anymore. Without thinking, I pulled away from Alec, my legs moving before my mind could even process it. My hand was already on the door, pushing it open, the cool air hitting my face. The rush of it—the wind whipping past me—felt like a slap, like something that could wake me up from the nightmare of what just happened.

The restaurant door slammed behind me as I broke into a sprint, my feet carrying me down the sidewalk, my heart thundering, my pulse a steady drum in my ears.

I didn't stop to look back. I couldn't. If I did, I knew I'd fall apart. I had to run. I had to get away. The kiss had been too much, too intense, and I wasn't ready for this. For *him.*

For *them.*

The world around me blurred as I turned the corner, pushing through crowds of people, barely seeing their faces. I wasn't thinking. I wasn't even aware of where I was going—I just needed to go somewhere far, far away from them. Far from the impossible confusion swirling inside me. From Alec's eyes. From the hurt I had buried for so long. From the guilt that had kept me locked in place for years.

I had spent so much time pretending that none of this mattered. That I could forget. That I could erase all the years of pain, all the hurt, and the betrayal, and the way I'd been discarded like I never meant anything. It had taken everything in me to keep moving forward, to stay focused on my work, on my life. I didn't need them. I told myself that over and over.

But that kiss... *that kiss* had cracked everything wide open.

I turned another corner, lungs burning as I gasped for air, but the ache in my chest—this feeling of being pulled apart—was far worse. I could still feel the press of Alec's lips, the softness of his touch, the desperate energy that had ignited between us.

Why was I letting this happen?

I needed to be angry. I needed to stay angry. I couldn't forgive them. Not after everything they'd done. They'd left me alone, abandoned me when I needed them the most, and now they thought a kiss could erase it all?

I was too fucked up for this.

I was so stupid.

I had a million questions running through my head, each one faster than the next, each one clouding my ability to think. Did they think I'd just forget the past because they finally came back? Did they think a kiss would suddenly make everything okay? Did they really think they could fix it, fix me, with nothing more than a few meetings and a kiss?

No.

I was too broken for that. Too broken for them.

I kept running, my shoes slapping the pavement, my mind a blur of anger, confusion, and this strange, gnawing ache that I couldn't make sense of.

The thing was... a part of me *wanted* to believe them. A part of me had always wanted them to come back and make things right. I had spent so long pretending I was fine, pretending I didn't care, but deep down, I'd never stopped wanting them to see me. To acknowledge me. To apologize for what they did.

And maybe that's what hurt the most.

Because I had always wanted them. Even back then. Even when they left me alone to face the worst of it. I had loved them both, in different ways, and now... now they wanted me back. But I didn't know if I could ever trust them again.

I didn't know if I could ever trust myself again.

My thoughts were like a warzone, each one contradicting the next, and the further I ran, the more I realized I had nowhere to go. I had been running from this moment for so long, but now, I was caught. I could feel the weight of it pressing down on me. I couldn't outrun this.

I finally slowed to a stop, leaning against a brick wall as my breath came in harsh, shallow bursts. I felt the sting of tears in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. I wasn't going to cry. Not for them. Not for any of this.

I wiped my face, my hands shaking as I looked around, seeing the blurred outlines of the city. It was late now, the streetlights casting long shadows over everything. But I wasn't seeing the city anymore. I was seeing everything they'd said, everything they'd done, and everything I still wanted that I couldn't have.

My chest tightened again, and I could feel it—a deep ache, the kind that comes from wanting something so badly but knowing it's out of reach.

I wanted them.

But I wasn't ready to let myself want them. I couldn't.

I pushed myself off the wall, my legs still shaky as I stood up straight. I had to go back. I had to face them. I couldn't keep running forever. But I didn't know what I was going to say when I did. I didn't know what to do with the mess of feelings swirling inside me.

With another deep breath, I started walking again, my mind still racing. The night felt cold against my skin, but I didn't care. The cold was nothing compared to the fire burning inside me.

One way or another, I would face them.

But not today.

Not yet.

I had time to figure out what I was going to do. What I was going to say.

And more importantly, what I was going to feel.