Desolate Love

Chapter 35: Monday Morning

Vaughn POV

The office buzzed with its usual Monday energy, the hum of printers, the clatter of keyboards, and the occasional murmur of conversation. But the moment I walked through the door, I knew everything was different.

It was as though the air was thick, each breath a little heavier than the last. I felt Alec before I saw him. He was already sitting at his desk, looking at something on his screen, but the way his shoulders were tense, the way his hand gripped the mouse, told me that he was waiting for me.

I stood in the doorway for a few seconds, unsure of what to do. Should I just pretend like it hadn't happened? Walk past him as if nothing had changed? Maybe that's what I should've done. But my feet were already moving, drawn toward him like some magnetic force that I couldn't quite explain.

As I walked closer, I tried to keep my face neutral. I didn't want him to see the mess of emotions swirling inside me—anger, confusion, guilt, desire.

God, I was a mess.

I passed by his desk, eyes forward, trying to stay calm, trying not to let the tension wrap around my throat. But as I walked by, I could feel him looking at me. I could *feel* him, the weight of his gaze heavy and intent, and that was enough to stop me in my tracks.

"Vaughn," Alec's voice came out low, a little strained, like he was trying to hold back something.

I clenched my fists at my sides. "What?" I snapped, my voice sharper than I intended.

I hated how it felt to talk to him now. Every word that came from my mouth felt like a lie, like I was pretending to be someone I wasn't.

"I... I think we need to talk about the kiss," Alec said, voice quieter, more hesitant now. He looked like he wanted to say more, but he was waiting for me. Waiting for me to either acknowledge what happened or shut him down completely.

I took a deep breath, staring at the floor for a moment. I wasn't ready to look at him yet. Not when the memory of that kiss still lingered on my lips. Not when the feeling of his touch was still burning through my chest. But I couldn't avoid him forever. Not here. Not in this place where everything felt so... fragile.

"What do you want to talk about?" I said, trying to keep my voice steady, but the quiver was there. I hated it.

"I just... I don't want to leave things like that," he said, his voice full of quiet urgency. He wasn't looking at me now, his hands twisting together on his desk. "I know it was probably confusing for you. I didn't mean to... mess everything up again."

I stared at him for a long moment. The frustration in my chest was thickening, choking me. He was apologizing again. Always apologizing. But the apologies never fixed anything. They didn't take back the years of pain, of being left behind.

"You don't get it, do you?" I said, finally meeting his gaze. My heart was thudding so hard I could barely hear my own words. "I don't want your apologies, Alec. I'm *tired* of your apologies."

His expression faltered, and I could see the regret in his eyes. "I know I fucked up. But that kiss—"

"You can't just erase everything with a kiss," I interrupted, my voice rising now, but I didn't care. "You think because you two finally decided to show up after *how many years*, that I'm just supposed to forget everything? That it all goes away because you kissed me?"

I saw his jaw tighten, his eyes darkening, but he didn't back away. He didn't stop looking at me, and that only made it worse.

"I'm not trying to erase anything, Vaughn. I'm not," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I just—"

"You just what, Alec?" I cut him off again, stepping closer to his desk, unable to hold back the anger building in my chest. "You just thought you could show up, act like nothing happened, and that everything would magically go back to normal? You think a kiss changes anything? I don't *need* you to fix things. I'm not some... some charity case you get to swoop in and save. *I'm not*."

Alec looked like I had slapped him, his eyes widening in shock, and I immediately regretted my words. The anger had taken over, and I hadn't even given him a chance to explain himself. I'd been so focused on how unfair this all was that I hadn't stopped to think about why he might be acting the way he was.

But no matter how much I hated him for what they did to me, no matter how much I hated myself for still caring, the truth was... I didn't know what I wanted from him. I didn't know how to fix this mess inside me.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," Alec said, his voice more strained now. "I'm sorry for all of it. I'm sorry for what we did, for leaving you... but I'm not sorry I kissed you. I'm not sorry I kissed you because I meant it, Vaughn. I've meant every word I've said to you since we first met again."

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came. Instead, all I could feel was this tight knot in my chest, this crushing weight that had built up over the past few weeks. Alec was still looking at me, waiting for something—waiting for me to say something, do something, anything.

But I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to feel anymore.

I took a step back, shaking my head, my mind in chaos.

"I don't know what you want from me, Alec," I muttered, my voice quieter now. "I really don't."

"I don't want anything, Vaughn. I just want you to know I'm here," Alec said, his voice softer now, his gaze steady and sincere. "I know I don't deserve your forgiveness. Hell, I don't deserve your trust. But I need you to know that I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. I want to be in your life, even if that means just waiting for you to figure things out."

I took another breath, my chest still heavy with everything I was feeling.

"Just... just give me time, Alec," I said finally, my voice almost pleading. "I don't know if I can forgive you. Not yet. I need time."

Alec's expression softened, a quiet sadness settling into his features. "I can wait," he said quietly. "I'll wait as long as you need."

And that, more than anything, was the most terrifying thing of all.

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I'm not prereading these and they were written close to seven months ago now I'm just posting old drafts so if you find any errors please let me know! >.<