𝐆𝐈𝐔𝐋𝐈𝐀 𝐕𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐎, a young girl who's never known stability. Raised by a reckless, unstable mother, she spent her childhood caught between drug runs and police raids, ruining her right for a normal childhood. One night when her mother go...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
I never was someone who liked a lot of change. I liked things how they were.
I needed stability. I liked knowing what to expect, hence my hatred for surprises. I guess I just like having control over something. That was one of the things I liked when I was with mom. She wouldn't pester me or make me feel like I had to do anything as I grew up. She let me do whatever I wanted. She didn't care.
But at least I had some control over my life.
I quickly realized that was changing the longer I stayed here. Rafael was pissing me off with all of the rules I had to follow. Don't talk to boys, maintain high grades, come straight home after school, don't talk back to my brothers, respect them, kiss their asses.
Like, excuse me?
Ok maybe that last part was exaggerated but with the way he was acting in charge of me, it might as well be true. It was absolutely ridiculous.
To be honest, I don't think I had a big problem with what they said. But it was the way they thought I would blindly follow every word he'd say. That ticked me off.
I hate being told what to do. I might not completely know what I'm doing at times but that sure as hell didn't give him a right to boss me around after only a couple weeks.
Yet each time he would, I still listened to him. But not exactly because I wanted to.
I was scared of him if that wasn't obvious. Not to the point where I'd piss my pants each time I spoke to him but enough to make me think twice.
Actually no, scratch that. I wasn't scared of him, I was scared of what he could do. What all of them could do. They could decide one day that they had had enough of me and leave me. I let my temper slip the other day I had spoken to Rafael. After I saw that look in his eyes, I felt like I shrunk three sizes in that moment.
Now a part of me is scared they'll realize I'm not worth the trouble. That I'm too much.
God I hate it here. I've never ever doubted myself as much as I have this week alone. Everything's so different and confusing.
I miss my friends. I miss my old school. I miss my home.
I keep thinking that the homesickness couldn't hit harder but I'm very wrong. It can get worse. It is worse.
All I want to do is go back to the pier on Santa Monica and sit on the ledge overlooking the ocean. I want to go back to the boardwalk and walk by the same shops and cute boutiques.
When I first arrived here, I tried so hard to think of it as a vacation. A change from Cali.
But after being here, even time betrayed me. The jet lag was practically killing me slowly. Sleepless nights and tired days. The weather difference was real. Cali was hot and sunny and my tan looked absolutely perfect.
