Savior ↛ Phan

Chapter 5- His Secret

Are you ever in a state of deep thought where everything around you seems non-existence. Your mind creates a peaceful world around you. It's like you're in a safe haven. But your thoughts aren't always the brightest.

I'm in that kind of state right now.

I'm sprawled across my bed, staring at the white ceiling. Phil left on such bad terms and it makes me kinda sad. I really do want to become friends with Phil but he just pushes me away. We become friends, then push push push. He seems to do this to everyone and it upsets me. Phil seriously seems like a nice person but makes himself seem bad. Why is that?

Is it for his own good? For safety? Or is it really just his personality? Does sadness come easy to him? Well, of course sadness comes easy to him. Sadness comes easy to everyone. Happiness is a choice, right? At least that's how I see it...

I sigh and run my fingers through my fringe. I need to stop thinking. It's now Sunday night at 11:47 pm and I still haven't heard from Phil. I'm honestly not surprised. He's never been the most talkative, and usually when he is, he's a spoon. That wasn't the case on Friday, though. Phil seemed to actually be having fun. He seemed to actually smile. Unless it was a forced one...

Okay, Daniel. That's enough thinking for today.

I lift my body up from my bed and my peaceful surroundings are soon turned back to the doom of reality. Maybe I should ring Phil. No, that'd be stupid.

A knock erupts from my front door and my eyebrows knit together. Who would be knocking on my door at midnight? I shrug my shoulders and stand up. My lanky legs drag my body out of my room and into the dark hallway. I find my way to the front door and twist the cold knob.

"Phil?" I question into the darkness and turn on the outside light.

Phil appears in front of me with a expression I'm unable to read.

"Yeah, hi, uh. I just wanted to say that...I'm sorry for how I've been acting." I notice that Phil speaks with his hands and it's very rushed, "It's just- there are multiple reasons as to why and they're all messed up in so many ways. I would tell you but...I don't necessarily trust you and I don't know if I ever will."

I nod, "I see and I completely understand. Is there anything else?" I know that I'm sounding rude but, I don't know how to act in this type of situation. This is what happens when you're socially awkward.

"Yeah...that's all." A uncomfortable silence fills the air, "Um, I'm gonna go...I'll see you tomorrow at school."

I smile, "Definitely. Bye."

"Bye."

I watch Phil run into the dark night until he's out of sight. It's easy to lose sight of Phil in the darkness. He practically is darkness.

I close the door and run my fingers through my fringe out of annoyance. It's a bad habit that I've accumulated over time for whatever reason that I can't remember. It was probably a stupid reason. I create stupid things with stupid reasons.

~

My feet happily walk on the tile floors and into the classroom. Once again, Phil isn't here. He must usually be late to school then. He's been late a lot. I make my way to my desk and sit down, looking out the big window. Today's overcast and rainy. Surprisingly, it's my favorite type of weather. I just love how it's cold-ish and it feels better to be outside without the sun beating down on you.

Mrs. Jackson begins to start the lesson but Phil still isn't here. Weird. I'm sure he'll come in a little.

20 minutes later...