Savior ↛ Phan

Chapter 23- Resolutions

(This is the chick that has been creating this story)

Phil sits down on the sofa as I pace the room. My shirt starts to tighten around my neck again, and I'm not slow to tear it off all together. Phil doesn't say anything, he stays quiet and lets me think.

"Okay." I say to myself, looking down at the ground, "Okay." I say again, this time much louder. My gaze meets Phil's, and my heart begins to thump against my chest. How do I tell this to him without breaking down? "Ryan." Is all I manage to say.

"What about him?" Phil asks, tilting his head.

"He- Um- He used to-" I close my eyes, and slowly breathe, "You know how we kinda had a thing?" I swallow thickly, a bitter taste filling my mouth.

"...Yes." Phil says, almost in pain.

"Well." I let out a breath through my nose, "He was also my drug dealer...a-and gave me a lot of alcohol." I whisper, my eyes tearing up.

"I already know this Dan-"

"I'm not done." I snap, my eyes filling with regret as Phil looks down, "I'm sorry, just- This is really hard for me to say. No one knows about it. Not even my parents...I've kept it with me all this time. Haunting me." Phil nods, listening closely, "Ryan had the alcohol and drugs too, of course I mean, he was my dealer. When he had the...alcohol, he'd change, dramatically." I gulp, my whole body trembling.

Tears begin to fully fall, and I clutch myself, my breathe ragged. Phil urgently stands up, and tightly wraps his arms around me, "Now, now. It's okay, Bear. He's gone now. You don't have to worry about him."

"But the memories are still there." I choke out, my face scrunching up in disgust.

Worthless.

Pathetic.

Hideous.

"Ryan used to verbally and physically abuse me." I cry out, clutching onto Phil, "The alcohol, it affected him. It made him mad at everything, and I was an easy target."

His body tenses, and I know that everything in his brain stops working right then and there, "Wh-What?"

I whimper, "I don't want to say it again."

Phil nods and grabs me tighter, running his hand up and down my back, "I'm so sorry." He says, "I'm so so sorry." I feel warm tears fall down my neck, "I love you so much. More than you could ever know. You have no idea how much you cloud my mind. How happy I am to have you in my life. I hope you know that I'd never- NEVER -do anything like that to you. I'd never try to hurt you." He quickly blurts out

My body continues to tremble in Phil's arms, terrible visions flashing through my brain over and over again, "I'm pathetic, aren't I?" I quietly say into Phil's shoulder.

"Far from." Phil tells me, pulling back to stare me dead in the eye. It's now that I see how bloodshot they are, more than likely matching mine, "Whatever Ryan told you or whatever he did to you is in the past. And whatever Alex plans on doing to you, won't happen. I'll protect you with all of my will because you're mine, and you'll always be mine."

~

That night Phil and I exchanged words that we've never told before. He told me more and more about himself and his past. He still wishes to get back in contact with his mum and dad which I'm honestly surprised. Phil feels like if he shows them how well and cared for Jaxon is, they may bring Phil back into their lives. It made my heart break, honestly.

I told Phil more about Ryan and more about what I did no matter how hard it was for me to do so. It was Phil's right to know my past as I feel like he's the only person I trust. I told him more about my mum and dad where Phil even teared up.