Hypnotised (Magnets Book 2)

Chapter 24

Dan's POV

The night seemed to last forever. The stars moved gradually across the sky, the moon shone brightly, as if teasing me. Dawn was not a long way off.

They said it got darkest before dawn. I had always thought that my days of being a teenager were my pre-dawn darkness, and that London with Phil had been my dawn. I'd thought it would stop at that; that all my troubles would leave once we were gone. But that night, as I sat up in bed, fighting off the darkness that threatened to overtake me, I realised that my whole life would be a series of dawns and darks. That life does not climax and even out, like in a movie. Life just continues going up and down and up and down and it doesn't end; not until death. After all, after one day comes another, and whilst that was literally true, it also held some accuracy metaphorically. Life would not end after one hard moment and one happy moment, it would end after death.

In that moment, I didn't want to die. But I didn't want to necessarily have to put up with living, facing each day, each hardship. I was just tired of it. Tired. That was good word. A good excuse.

Tired. Sleepy.

My eyes were beginning to droop, but I persevered. I saw the horizon beginning to lighten.

Nearly there, Dan.

As the sun's rays poked their way over the silhouette of houses on the horizon, it occurred to me. I had survived my literal sunrise; now hopefully I would survive my figurative one.

Phil's POV

I sat on my bed for several minutes after he left. It could've been half an hour, for all I cared.

I wasn't sure I cared about anything by that point.

Half of me, the rational side, knew that Dan was right. That I did need to go downstairs and apologise to my parents. That side of me knew he loved me- it didn't need numerous reassurances from Dan to know that. That side also wanted to run out of the house, go find him, and tell him that I was sorry, and kiss him forever. What I'd said was unforgivable. I would be surprise if did forgive me, but trying was better that just sitting on my ass and letting him go, right?

However, that side of me had disappeared during our fight. It had started to disappear down at the table, then as soon as we were upstairs, the memories had swooped in, taking control of my thoughts and words, poisoning them. I could feel it. I could feel the cancer in my brain, eating away at me. Turning me into something less than human. I could feel it; the toxic substance seeping out of the cells, into everyone around me. Maybe they'd lied; maybe the cancer was still in my brain, maybe they hadn't cut it all out...

Needing air, I stood up and walked over to my window. I cranked it open, just a crack, but enough to let the cool night air flow through, cleansing me. I almost immediately relaxed, but then Dan's house across the street caught my eye. All of a sudden I was 18 again, and I could see the flashing lights of the ambulance. I could see an unconscious Dan on a stretcher, his mother standing close by, hands pressed to her mouth, as if she were shocked. The image lasted for a second, before my room swung back into focus and I was sitting on the ground.

Is this how Dan feels?

I shuddered at all the repressed memories that seemed to have dislodged themselves form the recesses of my brain and were now floating to the surface of my thoughts. Dan, skinny and frail, fringe hanging low over his eyes. Perched on the edge of the bridge, tears flowing out of his eyes. Crying into my chest for endless hours. The constant feeling of being haunted.

I felt a wetness on my cheeks; I hadn't realised I was crying. My throat felt thick, my chest hurt and my head pounded. I collapsed onto the ground, against the door, the tears coming thick and fast, falling. My heart seemed to be spiralling into a deep, dark place, and it didn't look like it was stopping anytime soon. I needed to get a hold of myself.