Hypnotised (Magnets Book 2)

Chapter 21

Dan's POV

Our lips reunited in a heated frenzy of passion and lust, bringing forth a moan from my lips. I felt his lips curl against mine in a sly smirk as his hands wrapped their way around my waist, bringing me impossible close to him. I shivered as he pulled back enough to say, right against my lips, "I can't believe we're actually doing this," His warm breath against my neck, sending chills down my back.

"Just because you were released from hospital yesterday and we're going to your mum's-" I retorted before his lips were on mine again. He pushed me against the wall, closing the already minute gap between us. He grabbed my arms and pinned them above my head, using my momentary distraction to grind his crotch into mine.

"You look so flustered, Howell," he growled, his voice alone sending the blood in my head rushing south.

"I blame you," I hissed back. He gazed at me fervently.

"Get in the bedroom," he ordered huskily. I hurried to comply, feeling his eyes follow me out of the room. I knew the drill.

Phil's POV

We lay on the couch, both fully clothed again and thoroughly exhausted as we watched Wall-E, for about the 50th time. I hadn't particularly wanted to watch it, but then Dan had looked at me sorrowfully with his wide brown eyes as if I'd told him that his mum had died. So we ended up watching that, and to be honest I actually enjoyed it. It reminded me of the good ol' days, before the cancer had come in and fucked up our lives.

Dan and I had been pouring over pamphlets and websites and books to try and best prepare ourselves for the future. During my second day at the hospital, he'd come in looking a little haggard. When I'd asked what was up, he'd basically broke down and confessed that he was petrified for the future. Many tears and promises later, he'd had to leave.

I knew it was hard to prepare for such an unpredictable future, but I knew there were things I could do to ease his anxiety. However, at the suggestion of a therapist, he'd visibly blanched and just silently shook his head. I was slightly mystified and concerned at his negative response but had shrugged it off. Surely it wasn't going to be that important.

But then, a few weeks ago, a headache had been the least of my concerns. I shivered at that thought, at the fact that time can just fly by and all of a sudden your life is on the line and the person you love most is struggling to keep going.

Like I said, scary stuff.

"Phil?" Dan murmured sleepily beside me.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Thanks," He said, snuggling if possible even closer to me.

"What did I do?" I asked, slightly baffled.

He frowned. "What do you mean 'what did I do'?"

I shrugged. "What did I do?"

He chuckled and hit my arm. "You made the darkness go away."

I stayed silent. Dan only said these things when he was wasted or half asleep. Tonight it was the latter, and I didn't want to ruin it.

"Phil?" He whispered, his breath warm on my cheek.

"Yeah?" I whispered back.

"I love you."

"I love you too," I replied.

You made the darkness go away.

My heart swelled. Sometimes it just hit me how much I loved Dan. My heart would inflate and start beating out of time and it was times like these that reminded me why I'd fallen in love with him in the first fucking place.

Sometimes I missed his quiet demeanour and his small, adorable little smiles. His wide eyes when I told him I loved him. The innocence.

But then I saw him laugh and smile and I saw the newfound confidence in his eyes and an all-consuming wave of emotion would wash over me and nearly knock me over.

I just fucking loved Dan Howell.

But it wasn't just that- I was fucking proud of him. He'd come so far spiritually and emotionally and he'd found his place in the world. He'd met Pete Wentz, for fuck's sake.

Perhaps that was why I felt so guilty.

Because even though I was on the road to recovery, I knew that if I died (the chances of which were significantly higher, now with the cancer), he'd probably shut back down. He'd go back into that depression. And it would be my fault. "It's not your fault you have cancer," the rational part of me thought. Yet, I couldn't help but feel that it was my fault somehow.

Logically speaking, it was in no way my fault. But logic wasn't exactly plentiful these days. That was what worried and scared me; we were slowly falling apart. Yes, we still had tender moments like these, but there was something brewing in the air. Our fight in the elevator had seemed to diffuse some of it, but it just came back.

I didn't want to fight with Dan.

I thought the source of the unrest was coming from Dan. From him being so stressed out about my head that he forgot about his own. Or, maybe he did know about his own and he was just trying to be strong for me. I knew that sounded conceited coming from me, but it honestly felt right. He was that kind of person; he'd completely forget about himself in an attempt to make others feel better.

What he didn't see was that by him forgetting about himself, he was slowly crumbling, and that worried me. So, what he was doing was kind of redundant. I considered talking to him about it, but I knew it would only create problems.

"Phil?" Dan mumbled.

"Hmm?"

"Watcha thinking about?" He asked.

I couldn't tell him the truth. "How the movie's over and we should get to bed."

Dan sat up and yawned. "Good idea. Did you know sleep fights cancer?"

I grinned wryly at him. "Dan, have you been reading The Fault In Our Stars?"

He shrugged. "What can I say, I'm learning."

"I'm not sure how much you can learn from a fictional love story wherein cancer ends lives, Dan," I chuckled.

"Shhh," Dan said, placing his finger over my lips. "This is our fictional cancer-love story. But no one dies," He smiled.

I grinned back and carried him bridal-style to our bedroom, where he curled up against my shoulder and fell straight asleep. I followed his lead.

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i read asotm

that's all i'm saying goodbye friends