Hypnotised (Magnets Book 2)

Chapter 26

Phil's POV

The needle was poised right above the skin of my forearm, the cold metal seconds away from piercing my skin. The nurse held my hand in her firm grip, but her fingers were cold and it made me uncomfortable. The needle hit home with a slight sting, injecting whatever poisons were required straight into my bloodstream. She released my now aching arm from her icy grip.

"All done!" She said, cheerily. "We're just going to need to keep you here for a while."

She spoke to me like I was a 5 year old. I nodded listlessly along as she told me about the side effects of chemotherapy. Hair loss, loss of appetite, vomiting, nausea, headaches, fatigue, erectile dysfunction... I tuned out. I'd already learned all that. I was booked in to get my head shaved tomorrow, Tuesday.

I wondered what he'd think, me going bald. The hair he so loved to grab, to run his hands through, to stroke... Falling to the floor like fragments of who I once was. I used to feel like I was on top of the world; my YouTube channel was always updated, Dan was always there, my life was at peace.

It kind of reminded me of that Green Day song; something about a lobotomy. I think it was- Before the Lobotomy. Yup. I almost laughed at the sheer irony. It occurred to me that I was losing it; that my life was a boat and ever since he'd jumped off I'd been slowly tipping over into the cold insanity below.

I needed to get a grip.

Finally, after an hour of waiting, we were allowed to leave. I felt sick to my stomach, and a little dizzy, but the doctor had told me that that was to be expected and wasn't life threatening. It was the medication doing its work, she'd said. Hurting is healing, I thought. Of course, many would beg to differ, but for the moment, that made more sense to me than a lot of things in my life.

My mum drove me home, slowly and carefully. I could feel her gaze out of the corner of my eye. Of course, it was natural for her to be worried. She was a mother. Mothers worry. But it irked me a bit-I was a fully grown adult, after all. I could take care of myself.

"Phil?" She kept her gaze on the road, thankfully.

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?" She turned to look at me concernedly.

No. "'Course I am." That was a lie.

"Okay." She could tell I was lying, but she didn't push it. She was a sensible woman, and knew when to back off.

When we got back home, I retreated back upstairs. My dad asked how I felt, and I said tired and sick. He nodded understandingly as if he knew. Which he didn't. My father had never had cancer. He didn't understand the stabbing pains that had started up in my stomach, the way the ground was swooping beneath my feet.

He hadn't spoken to me about Uncle Tom. I believed he didn't want to, which was actually understandable. Uncle Tom was gone, and so was the rest of my family, and no one had been permanently hurt, so what was the point of dragging it all up?

That could be said for a lot of things. What was the point of dragging anything up? Why not just forget, and let go?"

Because you love him, a voice in my head whispered.

I would've hated that. Just never speaking to Dan again and just having him fade out of my life slowly, so that the only thing between us was an awkward silence and longing gazes. No, it couldn't end like that. I stood up abruptly. Maybe he wasn't willing to fight for me, but I was sure as hell willing to fight for him. And I would, and if he knocked me down I would most definitely go down swinging, as Patrick Stump put it. I smiled to myself wryly.