Nightcall - Billie Eilish

35 -

billie

here i am in the car with her family, on our way to the restaurant, my hands clenched on my knees

i'm staring silently at the road, my mind drifting, wondering how the hell i ended up here

dina's on the left, scott's in the middle, i'm on the right

the three of us in the back

"so billie, tell me, have you always lived here?" her mom asks, glancing at me through the rearview mirror

i flinch a little when i hear my name. i'd been lost deep in thought

"yeah... my parents raised us here. actually, the house is just a few miles from here."

she smiles at me softly

"i'm glad you're here. you seem to be a better influence on my daughter than kate."

dina immediately turns to her, frowning

"mom... seriously?"

"i love kate, you know that, but with billie... you seem different. brighter, sweetheart."

and right there, my heart skips a beat. i can't help but smile. her words hit deeper than i'd like to admit

i spend so much time doubting everything... myself, my place in people's lives...

i sneak a glance at dina, a little smile tugging at my lips

we finally arrive at our destination

the restaurant is cozy, warm, a little vintage

exactly the kind of place my mom loves taking my dad to on sunday nights

we're seated near the window

scott sits across from his sister

i'm next to her

her mom is across from me and her dad's at the head of the table

at first, the conversation's pretty casual. they ask about her work, her hobbies, while scott goes on about his football stats like he's the next ronaldo

the waiter comes to take our order. they're all talking among themselves, and i just listen.

then her mom turns to me, starts asking me questions about my work, the tour, upcoming projects...

i talk about it all, the stage, the cities and countries i've been to

they listen, curious

sometimes even impressed

this kind of talk follows a pattern i know by heart.

dina watches me quietly. she doesn't say much, but i can feel her eyes on me, listening intently

"and aren't you ever scared, up there? in front of so many people?" her mom asks

i chuckle softly, finishing a bite

"i used to be. all the time, actually. i couldn't believe all those people were really there for me. i was convinced they'd made a mistake. i was terrified of boring them, disappointing them. but with time... i learned to trust them. and to trust myself too."

"still sounds like a hell of a lot of pressure," her dad adds

i shrug slightly

"always is. but it's like theater, i've got a script to follow. and sometimes i bend it. i improvise when i feel like it."

our food arrives, and the conversation shifts

"by the way," her mom says between bites, "i ran into lucy the other day. she still works at the same restaurant."