Pale Blue Eyes. [DISCONTINUED]

Am I Going Insane?

I miss you too...but, I don't think we should see each other again. At least, not in that way. I'll still sell to you, I just don't think I'm right for you Vanessa. I texted her finally, with much hesitation and then dropped my phone down beside me on the bed. I sighed, not knowing exactly how to feel, and let myself fall back onto the bed.

Why do I feel like this for her...we hardly even know each other... Questions bounced around in my head, all of them revolving around Vanessa and how I could possibly be good enough for a girl like her. I'm a fucking Meth cook...this is no scene for an eighteen year-old...especially not someone like her...I wouldn't want to screw up, like...like with Jane...

"Jane..." Her name flowed from my lips and before I could realize it, tears started to pool at the corners of my eyes. "Argghh, fuckkk." I groaned, wiping them away and finally settling on an emotion. Anger.

I decided to take a few hits before bed, although I knew that I'd be way too wired to sleep. I tapped the remnant crystal into the glass pipe, lit up and inhaled the cloud of white poison. Like a hammer to the brain, I was instantly energized.

I blared DJ BL3ND tunes from my 3 1/2 foot speakers, and let the bass, which resounded from the woofers wash over me. Somehow, without realizing, I spent the whole night sitting by the sound system, my mind revving in top gear and non-stop about Vanessa.

Eventually, sunlight flooded in through the front windows, announcing the arrival of dawn. I groaned, reached up and turned the music down. I felt as though I had been hit by a truck. My ears were ringing and my mouth was as dry as the Nevada desert, yet I managed to get up from my seat on the floor. I made my way back to my room, and without thinking about it grabbed my phone from the bed and flipped it open.

1 New Message, from Vanessa. I hesitated a second before opening it, knowing too well that she was probably over my sorry ass, then I read.

"..." I sighed in frustration. Great...now she hates me... I stuffed my phone into my jeans pocket without replying and grabbed my meth pipe from the table. I smoked a few hits, until I felt decent enough to head over for a long day at the lab.

I parked my car outside of the laundromat, and made my way inside. Hernandez activated the switch, allowing me to gain access to the lab, which is located underneath the whole laundromat operation.

While making my way down the metal grate stairs, I hear shuffling from inside the lab.
"Jesse! Jesse...it's about time you get here!" Walt peers from over a large metal vat. "You look terrible, Jesse. What's going on?" He asks me, obviously worried.

Anger arises in me. Why the hell does he have to get so worked up anyways. "It's nothing..." I grunt, pulling on my yellow hazmat suit and getting to work.

"No, seriously, Jesse...you can't keep this stuff bottled up all the time. That's how you end up relapsing. We don't want that, now, do we?" He prodded, as we began crushing the previous day's batch.

I stopped smashing the blue crystal, looked up at him and sighed. "Fine...Mr.White...since you want to know everything that goes on in my life..."

I bit my lip, and began. "I almost had sex with an eighteen year-old." I could tell he was a bit shocked, but I continued. "That's not even the worst part...the worst part is, that I liked it...and I really like her Mr.White...but I don't think that it's going to work out between me and her, you know?" I paused and took a deep breath, while he seemed to assess what I had just told him.

"You know...she's still young and innocent and she just doesn't belong with someone who lives in constant danger...a threat to her life. Or someone who might lead her into something that could take her life away...she doesn't deserve to be with a fuck up...someone like me.."