"ME" The Story of Lyric Rayne

Pills

I stop mid step my heart stops mid beat and my breathing has stopped. This has to be some horrible joke, I will murder Embry if this is a joke. How the hell am I supposed to react to this?  I feel my bones freeze as If I am paralyzed.

'' Lyric?'' I fall to my knees looking to the sand in front of me. I start to panic. My short harsh breaths start to rush in to my mouth, my surroundings start to spin around me as if I am on a rollercoaster.

'' Lyric.'' That's when I feel the weight of the world collapse on top of me.

'' He is dead.'' I struggle to say, but soon the words fly out and I say it 10 times over and over. Each time having a different meaning. I feel the warm embrace of Xavier's arms. I fall into the comfort of the embracer. But no tears come from my eyes, instead I feel as if I am having a heart attack.

I finally control myself, feeling super embarrassed for reacting this way. It just all happened so fast. Xavier helps me so I am standing up onto my feet.

'' Lets go get some food and talk about this. '' He suggests to as he strings his arm over around my shoulder. I bring up my hand to interlock my fingers as our hands hang over my chest.

'' Okay.'' I say looking down at my bare feet placing foot prints in the tan sand. We hop into his car driving to the nearest little café. Before I enter I throw on my wet dress, a little weird I know.

We go in both ordering a sandwich, with ice tea. My two favorite things hoping it makes me a little happier which I absolutely doubt.

I sit down not saying a word, I don't know where to start.

'' Would you like to talk about it?'' Xavier breaks the silence and I see the compassion in his eyes that comfort me. I know I am safe for once in my life.

I gulp before I start talking. '' My best friend passed away....'' I say and I know it gives him no details but he doesn't push me to go on. But I need to go on, I need to talk about it.

'' My best friend in Tennessee... He started out as just a friend who cared for me and I cared for him. But I always knew there was so much more.  Then we became way more. But the last time I talked to him we were in a fight. I am a horrible friend. This is all my fault.'' I say quietly to myself swinging my straw back and forth in my drink. Biting my lip hoping it stops my tears before flying down my face.

'' Listen, this is not your fault, you can't blame yourself.. please don't.'' Reaching over to touch my hand he holds it there. Stroking his thumb back and forth.

'' Do you mind I call Embry, to see what actually happened?'' I ask him he nods and gets up to walk to his car to give me space. But before he leaves I grab his wrist gently.

'' No I mean can you stay, I want someone with me while I hear the news.''  I am sure I am blushing as hell, but I shrug it off. He is the only one who has been there for me. I don't want my only good friend to leave me just yet.

'' Oh of course Cobbler.'' He winks and he sits back down at the booth but not across from me, he sits right next to me. He is shy, its hard for him to show he cares. So I grab his hand,  showing with my eyes its okay to hold my hand.

  I realize I am probably squeezing his hand a little to tight.

'' Lyric.'' I hear the voice of my best friend, Embry. I gulp and turn the phone on speaker so Xavier can hear the conversation as well.

'' I am ready to hear what happened, please tell me everything.'' I say in a quiet voice into the phone. I can hear Embry's voice shake and she takes in a breath before she starts.

'' I am so sorry... Lyric... he committed suicide. He swallowed a whole bottle of strong pills and his mom found him pale...not breathing... on the bathroom floor.'' The words sting my heart and I swallow hard as I hear her continue, but I don't know if I am actually ready to hear this.

'' Did he......Die immediately?'' I hate to say the words, but it kills me if he had to die slowly and painfully, but what kills me the most is that he did it to himself. I had no idea he was dealing with this. I had no idea he was so depressed he had to take the pills to take away the pain.

But it all makes since.. The text... Dead or Alive.. I should have seen the sign. I am so stupid, gosh.

'' I don't know.... There is going to be a funeral. I know you live so far away. But you need to come. They are going to have a ceremony where they are going to sprinkle of his ashes.'' Embry says, I squeeze Xavier's hand even tighter, I think he can tell I have no idea how to respond to this... shit....

He takes the phone from my hand and pulls it to his mouth.

'' Hello Embry is it? Its Xavier. I think Lyric will need to call you later. This is just a little to much for the dear to handle. '' He says, and It makes me even more attracted to him for doing this for me. For seeing right through me noticing I can't handle this.

'' I totally understand... Just tell her that we are going through this together, and she is not alone.'' I shut my eyes and push away the tears but when I open my eyes my vison is blurry from my clouded teary eyes.

'' Okay thank you. Bye.'' He hangs up the phone. I stand up and walk to the bathroom. Pushing open the door, running to the nearest stall. Putting all my weight on the side door I lean against it. Leaning down to my knees. Holding them tight as if I am about to lose my legs.

All I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs. Why me? Have I not lost enough people in my life?

Come on Lyric suck it up. You need to get over it. I say to myself and squeezing my arms so tight my nails grip into my arms making my arms tingle at the pressure of the sharp nails. But the pain in my arms seem to heal my head a little. I go a little numb from my emotional pain. But to my surprise I look down to my arm seeing it bleed. I stand up and get a paper towel dabbing it.  Looking in the mirror I see my red shot eyes.

'' Ready to go home?'' I nod my head to Xavier and on the way back home Xavier tried to make me laugh the whole way home. He sang really loud and obnoxiously. Then made silly faces to strangers in other cars. Dancing and nodding his head in weird ways was his specialty.

'' Thanks for everything.'' I say walking into my house and he gets out of his car.

'' Are you sure you're going to be okay?'' Getting out of his car he pulls me in for a hug squeezing me tight.

'' Ya.'' I smile and walk inside .