[ thirty five ]
"Arista, we need to talk." He said to me.
I still wouldn't turn to look at him. I didn't trust myself not to fall completely in love with him. I didn't trust myself not to believe his lies when he looked at me the way he did. It was impossible not to forgive him with those lost puppy eyes and that boyish smile.
But this was something that couldn't--shouldn't--be forgiven.
"I don't want to talk to you." I said coldly.
Santiago, from the university, looked from James to me in astonishment. He had no idea that James and I knew each other. Most people didn't know. It wasn't something I was shouting off the rooftops, though most people would.
James was glaring at my class mate, I knew him well. And my suspicions were confirmed by his words. "And who is this guy?" He asked me, like I was the one doing wrong.
I let out a bitter laugh. "Don't even start, James."
"How do you two know each other?" Santiago wondered.
"She's my girlfriend, we're going to get married." James responded firmly, to which Santiago's eyes immediately looked to my ring finger. But there was no ring there. I had removed it when I saw those pictures of James betraying me with Giselle.
I shook my head. "We're not getting married anymore. You saw to that, James." That was all I said, but he knew what I was talking about. I wasn't the type to expose him in front of others. I preferred to remain quiet.
"Please," He begged, grabbing my arm, "You need to listen to me."
That was when I finally turned in my seat to look at him. It was the first time I had really looked at him since he left for Madrid several days before. And I had to admit he looked down. His eyes were red and puffy, there were bags under his eyes. Seeing him this way reminded me of the time when we had broken up the first time and I felt bad for him. I wanted to forgive him, and I almost did. But there were some things that were unforgivable.
And it wasn't that I wasn't willing to listen to him. He may have well had a perfectly reasonable explanation for all of this.
But at this moment, I wasn't ready to hear him.
I was too hurt to hear him.
Still, I got up from my seat and led him out of the pizza place. It was the last shop in the row of shops and I took him to the side where no one would hear us. Even after what he did, I didn't want to publicly humiliate him in front of everyone. I still cared about him enough to give him the courtesy of a private conversation.
His eyes were hopeful before he heard me speak. He was probably expecting for us to work things out.
"James, you cheated on me. You hurt my feelings when I most loved and trusted you. I can't forgive you for that, at least not now." I told him through the tears that were beginning to sting at my eyes. "And even if I were to forgive you, we could never be together anymore."
"But Arista," He bit down on his lip and his voice shook. "I love you."
"I love you too." I admitted. "But we're always hurting each other. Toni was right, this isn't healthy. Look at yourself, you're a wreck." I told him, cupping his face in my hands. I badly wanted to help him feel better, but I wasn't emotionally ready. I needed to help myself first before I could even think of helping someone else.
"So you're going to go back to him now." He guessed bitterly.
I shook my head. "I'm not. I think I just need some time alone before I can start another relationship with someone."
