[ thirty six ]
James went back home after our conversation and I returned to the pizza parlour, to say goodbye to my classmate, before I returned to my house which was not too far away from the plaza. The moment I walked past the front door, my mother got up and handed me an envelope from James. I held it in my hands and took it to my room without saying anything to my parents. At the moment, they still didn't know anything that had happened. All they knew was that James and I weren't together anymore.
Once in the safety of my room, I pulled out the contents of the envelope and there were the plane tickets, information about the hotels we would have been staying at, and two letters. One of them was blank when it was folded, and the other had the words "Open when you feel ready to listen to me" on it.
I opened the other first.
He had only written a couple of sentences, "Since you said you needed time, and I'm sure some space will do us both well, I'm spending the rest of our vacation in Medellin. I wish you could be here, I really do, but that's obviously not going to happen with the way things are now. Still, I'm leaving your tickets with you, in case you happen to change your mind. I just want you to know that I love you, and I won't give up on us. -James"
That brought a whole new wave of tears to my eyes. The way he had expressed himself in that letter made me doubt that he could be capable of hurting me the way he did.
Curious as to what the second letter contained, I opened it.
There was only one short message.
"Meet me at the university cafe at seven in the afternoon on the last day of April if you want to give me another chance. If not, I'll understand and move on with my life."
I bit my lip.
Today was the third of January, and the date he was requesting was nearly five months away. Would I be ready to listen to him then? And more importantly, will he still love me by then? Five months were a long time and with the space we would be giving each other, he could very easily find someone else. Someone who wouldn't make him suffer so much, and someone who he wouldn't hurt as he did with me.
In the nine days that followed, I didn't hear from James. His phone number was blocked from my cellphone, but he didn't even try to call my house. He was very good about giving me the space I needed. He probably thought that if he gave it enough time, then I would return to him on my own.
His mother was the one who visited me.
I thought she was going to yell at me for making her son suffer, but she surprised me when she explained how she knew what James did was wrong. Surely he had told her why we had broken up and she took my side. And she gave me all her support, even though she also told me she would continue being supportive of James. He was her son after all and she knew that everyone made mistakes.
On the last Friday of my vacation, my parents as well as James parents accompanied me to the airport to say goodbye. I gave them all a quick hug and boarded the plane. The only information I got from James was what he would tell his parents. He had apparently gotten a flight in Medellin, to spare each other the awkwardness of having to see each other.
But we would have to do so sooner or later. We worked in the same place, for the same team, though he was a football player and I was a reporter.
-
Due to the time zones and their differences between Spain and Colombia, I arrived in Madrid on Saturday night. I knew I couldn't go back to living at Toni's house, though I would need to get my belongings from there as soon as possible. Instead, I went to the same hotel I had been staying in when I arrived in Madrid several months back.
The only thing I could think to do as soon as I entered my room was to let myself fall onto my bed face first and fall asleep. I didn't wake up again until the next morning, which was a Sunday and that gave me the whole day to rest.
But I didn't do just that.
In the early afternoon, I called Toni and asked if I could go there to pick up my things. He said it was fine and I headed to his home by taxi.
Toni came to the front door to great me and unlocked the gate. "Hallo Arista, its great to see you again." He smiled at me, but I noticed it didn't touch his eyes.
I offered an awkward wave of my hand. "Hello Toni."
He looked behind me, as if expecting to see someone else there accompanying me. "So, you're taking your things." He said, sounding like he was making casual conversation, "Are you moving in with James now?" He guessed, not sounding too pleased about the idea.
With a shake of my head, I replied, "Um...no. I'll be staying at a hotel until I find an apartment to live in. James and I are not together anymore."
"Why am I not surprised?" He muttered under his breath.
I sighed. "I tried to make it work, I really did. But it didn't, and in the end you were right. We hurt each other too much to be in a relationship."
"You can stay here if you want." He offered, scratching the back of his head sheepishly.
But I shook my head. "No, Toni that wouldn't be right. We're not in a relationship anymore. Staying here wouldn't be appropriate."
"Well, the offer will still be here if you need a place to stay." He told me.
Then he led me into the house, where it took me a couple of minutes to pack my things. I walked out of the bedroom in Toni's house that had been mine, with my luggage trailing behind me. I paused in the living room, where he was sitting down flipping through the channels.
He stopped and turned in my direction when he had heard my footsteps. "Arista, you don't have to go." He said again, trying to convince me. He got up from his spot on the couch and cut the distance between us. His hands went to rest on my shoulders as he continued, his blue eyes staring into my brown ones, "Stay until you can find your own apartment."
"I can't." I shook my head. "I'm sorry."
My first reason for leaving his house was because I didn't want to give Toni false hopes again, I appreciated him too much to do that. And though I wouldn't say it to him, I also didn't want to stay in his home out of consideration for James. I was still hurt and upset over what had happened, but I didn't want to cause him anymore hurt. I still loved him.
"But I'll be seeing you tomorrow." I smiled at him, trying to lighten the mood.
"You will." He agreed, smiling back.
Before I could turn to head for the exit, he pulled me into his arms for a hug. Warm tears stung at my eyes, and fell down my face in the next minute. Toni was too nice to me and I almost would have preferred for him to hate me because I deserved it after hurting his feelings.
And he was even nice when he found out James and I were broken up again.
But as Toni hugged me, in the back of my mind, I wished it was James who I was embracing.
-
updateeee. im so sleepy, so no long author's note tonight. but did y'all watch the club america game? THEY WERE SLAUGHTERED OUT THERE. and ventura scored an own goal, and then he fucked up and atlas scored the third goal. then leon was losing to veracruz and were able to turn the result around in their favor.
yep. its getting intense.
-clary xx
