~His Butler, Unreliable~

Ciel's POV #5

I spent most of the night up, in the bathroom adjacent to my bed chambers, my head hung over the white, porcelain chamberpot as I threw up into it, wishing that I could just go back to bed and rest.
It was after midnight and my aunt Red had gone to bed hours ago, after tucking me in for the night. She had said that if I needed anything, not to hesitate and call for her, or go to her chambers and wake her up if need be. But, I didn't need her, I was just experiencing what was regularly known as 'morning sickness' only, I had the 'extreme pleasure' of instead being violently sick at night instead of in the morning like most pregnant girls would be. Mind you, I was not a girl, I was a boy, a boy who had been impregnated by a demon at that, so I shouldn't have expected to 'go through the motions' the same way.
Eventually, it got to the point that I was so exhausted I just decided to rest my cheek against the cold, stiff porcelain of the chamberpot, but when I tried to, it tipped slightly and I was startled fully awake, by the splash of vomit on my face.
I cringed at the smell and the substance's close proximity to me and tried to amble up off the tile floor, so that I could perhaps wash off the vomit and wash out my mouth of the vial taste, before stumbling back to my bed for much-needed, that probably would not be granted to me, sleep.
When I looked into the hazy, fogged up glass of the mirror, the layer of fog created from most likely the bath my aunt had taken now many long hours ago, I tried not to cry as I swiped the washcloth across my face, watching my bi-coloured eyes droop slightly. I was so very tired, that fact very much evident by my eyes, and the dense, black circles that had seemed to have evolved, overnight.
'I wonder what he would think if he saw me, now', I thought, listlessly moving the washcloth in my hands back and forth across the offending spot of vomit, that apparently had already hardened onto my skin.
I sighed, and angrily rubbed the cloth harder against my skin, causing my cheek to flare up, to the point it became a bright, distressed-looking red.
That was when I stopped, placing the washcloth down into the sink, its whiteness now dotted with barely visible drops of my blood.
But, even if they were barely visible, I felt the sting my excessive rubbing had created and bit back tears as I tried to think about anything but the pain.
Soon, I found myself thinking about Sebastian, what he was no doubt doing right now, or should I say who...
I wanted to scream, yell, shout, and pull my hair clean off my scalp because, of him. Truthfully, I wanted to die...
Then, I remembered though, that doing that would be even more of a selfish decision than anything he could ever do. I wasn't just responsible my life now, but my unborn child's life, too. And, I wasn't going to jeopardize that just so that I could stop hurting from the pain he caused me.
So, with a new determination in me, I left the bathroom, taking the chamberpot with me just in case, and set it on the carpeted floor of my room, before pulling back the duvet cover and resting my now not-so-dizzy head on the fluffy pillows once more.
I don't remember when I finally fell asleep, but when I did, I dreamed of him, of Sebastian, I dreamed that we were happy again and that he once again belonged to me. I also dreamed of us raising my-our baby together as a family and giving him or her the life they deserved. This only made me cry silently, hot tears quickly spilling out of my eyes and onto my pillow. But, I didn't care anymore, he was gone. Gone forever. And, I had to move on...
When I woke up, my aunt Red was sitting on the edge of my bed, looking at me, worriedly.
She smiled slightly when she saw me stir, rub at my eyes, and sit up, my blackish, navy-coloured hair no doubt rumpled up from my restless night.
"I brought you some breakfast.", she told me, placing a silver serving tray on my lap and a cup of piping hot liquid (which I guessed was tea) on the nightstand.
"Also, there's someone here to see you, my dear nephew. So, eat up, get dressed and come downstairs to see them. I am not sure who they are, but they had blond hair styled a lot like yours and said that you would know who they were. They wish to talk to you."
I nodded, already knowing who it was and rolled my eyes slightly, at the thought of Alois Trancy coming all this way just to talk to me.
"Um, would it be too much of a bother if he just came upstairs to talk to me? I had a restless night and spent most of it being violently sick."
My aunt thought for a moment, then nodded.
"I suppose that would be okay. Very well, I'll send him up."
And with that, she went to fetch Alois and bring him to my bed chambers.
I had just started on my breakfast, when I heard a knock at my door.
"Om un!", I mumbled around a mouthful of scone, hoping they would hear me.
I swallowed the doughy substance.
"Come in!", I called again and I heard the subtle sound of the lock click open.
In stepped my good friend once rival Alois Trancy dressed in his usual attire and staring at me with a coy smile.
"Hey, Ciel!", he said cheerfully, immediately running over to my bed and trying to clamber up onto it.
I put out a hand to stop him.
He whined, but reluctantly took a seat next to me on the edge of the bed, instead.
"Ciel, why you no fun?!", he asked, as he stuck out his bottom lip and began to pout.
"I came all this way-to Paris of all places-to see you and you won't even let me jump on your bed?!"
"No.", I told him, my tone firm.
"No, I will not."
"But, why?!", he whined like he was six instead of being my same age.
"Why are you being so standoffish, Ciel? Why?!"
I sighed.
I didn't want to tell him why I had left England and went to my aunt's chateaux, but he left me no choice.
So, I told him, rather matter-of-factly might I add, and after I was done he sort of just stared at me for a good, solid five minutes.
Then, he chuckled and eventually broke into a fit of laughter.
"Oh my gosh Ciel, you're hilarious!", he managed to get out, before cackling again, like my predicament was the funniest thing he had heard about in a long time.
I straightened up in my bed and sighed.
"I am not trying to be funny, Trancy!", I spat out and he looked at me.
"W-What? You-you expect me to believe that-"
"Yes! Yes, I do expect you to believe that because, that's the truth!"
He stopped laughing altogether and his face went paler than it already was.
"Oh. Oh my god...OH MY GOD!"
Before I knew it he had flung back my duvet cover and pulled me out of my warm, cozy bed and was spinning me around like I thought only Lizzy could.
His eyes were shining and he kept staring at me, intently.
"You're-you're gonna have a...When? Oh gosh! WHEN, CIEL?!"
I sighed.
"I'm not exactly sure."
This didn't stop him from spinning me around in circles more.
"And-and, S-Sebastian's the..."
I nodded slowly, and sighed again.
"Yes, it sure seems that way."
He stopped spinning me and looked at me, concerned.
"Aren't-aren't you happy?"
I shook my head and felt the tears prick at the corners of my eyes, again.
"W-Why?", he was really concerned, now.
"B-Because, he doesn't really love me, Alois. He only wanted to have me for one night, just one, then he went back to them. To her. All those pretty, young girls that adore him so. I mean nothing to him anymore, that's why I'm not exactly celebrating the news because, the one who I thought was the love of my life left me and now I must do this on my own..."
I watched my friends' eyes fill with tears also, he tried to brush them away.
"C-Ciel, you-you don't have to do this on your own. You've got your Aunt, me and Claude, your parents..."
"No, my parents would never except me, if they found out the truth. Nobody back in England would. They would all disown me and cast me out into the street, then I'd be left for dead...Most likely, I would be stoned for having a baby outside of marriage..."
But, Alois just shook his head.
"No, no, you wouldn't, Ciel. Nobody would do that to you. You're part of the Phantomhive family for crying out loud! Nobody would dare to throw you out!"
I smiled at my friend's words, but knew that despite his reassurances, that I could not go back to England. Well, not until the baby was born and I had decided what to do about it...
I sighed.
"It's not your fault, Alois. My family is just very strict. My father especially and he would not take kindly to hearing that his own son slept with their butler and than got pregnant with his unnatural, unholy spawn. Honestly, my father would rather be told I was dying from a terrible illness than be told something like that."
He couldn't help but chuckle at that and I rolled my eyes.
Then, his eyes lit up with a sudden thought.
"What-what if you came and stayed at my mansion? That way, you could still stay apart of your family, but you'd also have your baby in a safe place and could go there if they ever suspected anything such as that? Really Ciel, I think it's a good plan."
I sighed, shaking my head.
"I think you are forgetting that I am already perfectly comfortable staying at my aunt Red's here in Paris and right now, see no reason to go back."
He gave an aggravated sigh.
"Well, what if Sebastian came all the way here and told you that he was sorry and that he loved you, would you consider going back to England...then?"
I sat on my bed for a few moments, not saying anything, just thought about what he said.
'Would I?'
'Would I go back if...?'
I shook the thought away, there was no way in hell he was coming back.
Especially, for someone as pathetic and worthless as me.
"No Alois, I would stay here even if he did end up coming back for me..."
I paused, taking another bite of my scone, then swallowed.
"Because, I know he won't."