I'm Totally Random - a book of random oneshots

The String

Taking a deep breath, I walked down the pathway, wondering when I would be able to let go of the string that connected me with that painful awareness of him. When would he let me walk out of his life, let go of the past we had together?

Because whatever future we might have had once, it was gone now and would never be able to be salvaged. Not after what he had said, what he had done. He'd not just burned that bridge, he had taken the ashes and given them to the wind to spread as far as it could take them.

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It was only after he was done and ready to celebrate his 'freedom', that he had even begun to figure out what he had lost with his actions. When he had gone into our once shared apartment and had nobody to welcome him home in a loving tone, no meal waiting to fill his empty stomach and no warm body to cuddle with during the cold night.

But it was nearly a month before he admitted his mistake to anyone other than himself on those cold, lonely nights. By then, I had started to move on and make new friends that did not hold those past mistakes against me, people who would allow me a fresh start in life.

It made it that much more painful when he found a way to turn them against me, spreading lies and half-truths among them. But it was their choice to listen to him and his friends instead of coming to me for answers.

I think that is what hurt the most, that they didn't even offer me the chance to defend myself. Had I really chosen so poorly in my search for new friends? Or was it that he still had that much charm and presence to make them ignore what I had told them about him.

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It was just a couple weeks later that the semester ended and I began contemplating taking myself back home. After all, even if nobody here would offer me the friendship I craved, I still had my friends back home. And they would not listen to his poisonous words.

Packing my meager belongings into a single suitcase, I was ready to admit my defeat and head home with my tail between my legs, when a resounding knock made the door to my room rattle in the frame.

Opening it cautiously, I could only stare with my eyes wide at the person standing there, lips curled into a cruel smirk. That, however, dropped upon spoting the suitcase packed and ready to go beside me.

"Where do you think you are going?!" Angry disbelief filled his voice as he stared at me, his grey eyes wide.

"You win. I'm leaving, just like you wanted! I'm going back home. You'll never have to see my miserable face again. That should make you more than happy, right? After all, you wanted me out of your life! You even made sure I knew that just moving out of the apartment wasn't enough, when you took away my friends! So here you go, I'm leaving and never coming back! Goodbye!" Grabbing the suitcase, I tried to force my way past him, not wanting to hear the cruel words I knew would come if I stayed any longer.

I could only wince in pain as he grabbed my wrist and forced me back into the room. He threw my suitcase into a corner as I struggled to escape his tight grasp. Sadly, I never would be strong enough to escape him if he wasn't willing to let me go.

"You can't leave! I made a mistake, ok?! I should never have let you go! I need you back and I'm here to get bring you home! Comeon, let's go!" His raised voice echoed through the room as I stood there bewildered.

The confusion only lasted for a short time, my eyes growing dark as I finally understood what had happened, what he had realized. Then the laughter began, loud and painful and filled with tears.

"You think because you come here and tell me to come back... You think because you messed up and didn't realize it until I was gone from your life... You think you have the right to tell me to come back to you?! That I would agree to be yours again, after how you treated me?! Go to hell! I'll never be yours again! You had your chance with me and you threw it away! Go tell that other girl to love you! You seemed to enjoy spending time with her!" Raising my hand, I would have punched him if he had not caught my hand in his.

"She's nothing compared to you. I should have realized it sooner, but I didn't. I'm sorry, ok? I'm sorry! Now come back with me!" He grabbed my shoulders, pulling me against him in what could almost be mistaken for a hug if there had been any warmth to be felt between us.

My only response was to shake my head, the broken laughter spilling once more from my throat as I let myself fall to my knees. Looking up at him, a twisted smile spread itself across my lips.

"You refuse to let me go, but I refuse to stay with you. Is that how it is going to be? How long before you either cut the string binding us? Or shall you wait until one of us is left to hang from it?" I reach my hand up to my neck like I can already feel that red string coiling around it.

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He'd gotten what he wanted, in a way. I was forced back into his life, but even he began to slowly realize that it was not the same as it had been before. Although I was there, I did not greet him warmly upon his return each day. Even when I did cook, the meals sat in his stomach, heavy and bitter.

And even though he forced me to share his bed at night, I was neither warm nor welcoming of his embrace.

Each day, I could feel the string around my throat slowly growing tighter. And each night, he could see my eyes grow a little more dim.

And still he refused to let me go.

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I could no longer see a future for myself, with or without him in it. The string that bound us and coiled itself too tight to escape now. Although he had finally realized that he would never be able to recapture what we had, he still wouldn't, couldn't let me go. He had worked so hard to get me back, so hard to keep me, he had forgotten how to let go again.

Slowly, I dragged my feet down the pathway, wondering when the end would finally come for us, when we could finally let go of each other. My eyes could barely make out the world around me, as I thought back on how happy we used to be, back before everything went downhill for our relationship.

We used to smile and laugh together, back when everything between us was fresh and new, like a flower just starting to bloom. We held hands and kissed, went places and explored the world together. But like any flower, once the blossom has opened, the only thing left for it is to fade away into nothing.

Perhaps next time, I will be able to find a love that is more like a star. Although it might seem to fade in comparison to other brighter lights, it is steady and always there to guide you when you feel lost and alone.

Taking another step forward, my attention captured by the thoughts swirling through my mind, I failed to notice the bright lights and loud sounds coming towards me. Nor did I feel any of the pain when my body tumbled through the air, landing at the feet of the man who had just come home.

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A broken strand of red string slowly faded from the man's finger, a similar strand wrapped around the broken body disappearing from existence. Not that anyone had been able to see them in the first place. Just the small grey cat that sat on the corner of the street.

I don't honestly know why I wrote something like this. I just felt kinda compelled to write and this is what happened. Sorry if it was a bit dark or depressing to read!