I'm Totally Random - a book of random oneshots

Lost Meaning

This is what happens when I sit down and want to write something happy, but I put all the happy into other oneshots I'm writing for my other books. Oh well, enjoy the angsty darkness. And no, I do NOT support suicide.

Staring down at my hands, I found myself sobbing in despair at the sight of the thick, sluggish fluid covering them. My entire being howled in anguish at the death that lay before me. How could I have been so foolish as to think things would be okay if I was gone? How could I have not seen what would happen if I gave in to those feelings of not being needed? How could I leave my loved ones behind to deal with the results of my choice?

Staring at the form that lay on the floor beside me, I tried to reach out to them, but it was far too late. Death had already separated us and I could only hope that in time I would be allowed the chance to see them again, to tell them how sorry I was for hurting them, to hold them close and tell them how much I loved them.

Feeling a hand on my shoulder, I turned my head and looked up into clear grey eyes, the sad look on his face driving home the consequences of the choice I had made even more than ever. The warmth of his hand on my shoulder was a welcome change from the biting cold that had been almost mind-numbingly overwhelming me before.

"Do I have to let go?" I asked the man, looking back at the blood-stained figure of my best friend as he lay upon the ground.

"Yes, you'll see him again. It is just a matter of waiting." His calm voice steadied me as we began walking out of the room, the air slowly beginning to feel lighter around me as the warmth from his hand spread from my shoulder until it seemed to fill me up.

Looking back, I saw my friend lift his head from the cold body I had left behind, my blood staining his clothing as the guilt of leaving him like this halted me in my tracks. Looking once more at the man who was taking me away, I saw him shake his head as he gently pushed me forward.

"I wish I could let you go back, but these are the consequences of your actions. He's simply the one who has to live with them, until his own time comes. Whether he joins you sooner or joins you later, that is up to him to decide." With each step he made me take, I saw the world around me fade away, no longer able to retain the connection I had with it when I was alive.

As I ended up surrounded by an echoing and empty darkness, I began my wait for the one person who had truly mattered to me, far more than I had ever realized until it was far too late. The years passed, slow and filled with loneliness as I wondered if I waited for someone who would never come.

And time lost its meaning.