This is the story of you and me. It's not a story about us, because there never was an us, we didn't last that long, even though I wished hopelessly. This is the story of how we touched skin and how somehow after you were gone, I craved those tingles you gave me. This is the story of you breaking my heart and maybe I was breaking yours, but you wouldn't tell me, you wouldn't tell me anything. This is the story about heartbreak, healing, crying, craving and somehow moving on.
I was that girl that hated you from the beginning, because I knew who you were, I knew what you did, what kind of trouble you would bring. I just came from a toxic relationship that lasted three years long. I was still shaken up and still hurt and I swore to myself I wouldn't be obsessed with a boy anymore, because all that it gave me was heartbreak. You were that obnoxious boy that lived on attention, needed to be heard all the time and I was exactly the opposite. I didn't want to be in the spotlight, afraid of messing up, saying something wrong and doing something wrong. You were that kind of boy that everyone somehow had a crush on, but didn't want to admit it. Maybe I belonged to them too, but I was too proud to admit that you were interesting and not bad to look at.
It was easy, keeping my distance from you even though we shared so many classes. You didn't know me and I didn't know you, so why would we speak. But it all changed when we had to do that group project and you just had to be in my group. I knew it would happen and maybe I secretly hoped so, maybe this was my chance to figure you out, why you needed the attention all the time, why you were who you were. Maybe that was my first mistake, I was too curious and you know how they say "curiosity killed the cat", well this time it killed me.
And we learned to get to know each other that week. I tried to keep my chill and you were interested in me or at least enough interested to stay longer than you had to. Enough interested to offer me rides and play Mario Kart with me. And you changed my mind about you, because suddenly you weren't that obnoxious kid anymore, but a nice boy who was sweet to me. So how could I not be crushing on you?
And when you asked me out, I should've been thrilled. It should've been an amazing moment, a memory to remember, but it wasn't. I was still insecure, because of what happened last time. I couldn't understand why you would want to go out with me when there were thousand other cute girls. This was my fault, I understand now, because I doubted you, when all you did was nothing. You didn't deserve that and you were right to act so harsh to me when I asked for your intentions. Maybe you could've handled it better, but you weren't used to girls doubting you. Or maybe my doubts were there for a reason and you couldn't handle it when I figured you out, that you were only playing girls.
So after that incident, it should've been over between us, right? It should've been a warning to both of us that this wasn't going to work between us, but we ignored it like usual, like the two stubborn teenagers we were. And maybe when we left it at this, I wouldn't have broken my heart again and maybe we wouldn't be walking past each other with these secrets of us on our shoulders, but acting like we didn't know, like you never talked to me.
So why did we never leave it at that? How come we were still stuck with each other?
