You know, it seemed to go just great between us. We were laughing and at each other's side all the time. We were basically in a relationship, I mean everyone was assuming it.
But we weren't, we couldn't have been, because there was still this massive gap between us. You couldn't talk to me, well you could, but you wouldn't. You chose not to and I guess you figured out it got me frustrated. I guess you figured out that we were on the point of becoming something and that it meant that you had to share your feelings once in a while. Perhaps you got afraid, you didn't want this at all, you just wanted to keep teasing and playing and not be in a real relationship. Maybe you couldn't handle it.
So you left. One day you suddenly decided you didn't want me anymore. We were back again at where we first started, not talking at each other again. You did a great job in ignoring me and how much I tried talking to you, it never went further than "how are you?". I got so frustrated, so mad that you could to this to me.
How could you walk away like that without an explanation, without a care? Or maybe you never cared in the first place. Maybe it really was all a game to you, a stupid meaningless thing between us that meant more to me than it did to you.
I was still so insecure about myself that I started thinking that I did something wrong. And up to this point, I am still wondering what really happened, why you decided to not care anymore. You just didn't care about me anymore, or maybe you never did. You didn't care how you hurt me. It was killing me to think that you just didn't care and got tired of me and I was desperately hoping that this wasn't the explanation for everything that had ever happened between us, because I'd feel like an idiot. I was so angry at you, that you were able to do this to me, that you were able to leave and act like you didn't care, that you somehow were stuck in my mind even though I never wanted that in the first place. I was angry because you ended up just fine and I was stuck with millions of questions with what happened, why did you leave and did you really care?
What did I do wrong? What really happened? I still wonder this all the time, even now. What were all of your reasons? Please give me one that won't break my heart any more than it already has.
