One thing that probably destroyed me more than you leaving, was seeing you with her or anyone for that matter. Everyone acted like you were a hero, everybody wanted to hang out with you and I was standing there like why, why did you had to take everything away from me, my friends, the places I used to be, but most importantly my heart.
Getting over you was already hard, but when all my friends adored you was even more suffocating. All my friends were following you like lost puppies, boys and girls. The boys thought you were cool and the girls thought you were hot. I couldn't blame them, they never really heard the whole story between us, only assumed the things that were going on. So when I suddenly heard that you and her were going out, I was freaking out. Why did she had to choose you? Why did you had to have interest in her? Somehow all of my friends ended liking or dating the boy I liked and I was so frustrated by that.
I was jealous, incredibly and utterly jealous of you and her. It's not that I thought she didn't deserve you or the other way around. If they made each other happy, then I was happy, probably, in a weird twisted way. I was at the stage of getting over you that I truly wished you the best, but still wishing and hoping you came back to me. So in a way I was happy for you that you found her and she found you. I mean, I didn't wish you never got to experience love anymore, but it just made me sad how we never took that step. How we never ended up being okay, being happy with each other.
I remember it all too well when I first saw you two together, I was completely shocked, it was so unexpected for me. Apparently everyone knew and somehow nobody cared enough to tell me or maybe they were scared for my reaction, maybe they thought I would break or something. Well, maybe a heads up would have been appreciated. But when I saw you and her, I knew in that moment I lost you. I had lost all the attention from you. I was staring at you painfully and I tried to look away, I tried to not feel this way, so heartbroken again, that feeling of my heart sinking in my chest and feeling like your throat is swelling up and you feel like you are suffocating. But how hard I tried to push all these feelings away, it wouldn't work. I was miserable again. I stood there and I recalled every moment of us and I was wondering, like I always was, if any of it was even real. If anything that happened between you and me meant something to you. And deep down inside I knew for a long time that you really didn't care anymore about me, but I refused to see it, I was in denial and I was still hoping, thinking that we were going to make it out alive together and we would have a happy ending and it blinded me from the truth; you didn't care about me.
