You always surprised me with your sweetness randomly. I was so used to your cold behavior that I never expected all of these nice things you did to me and when I think about it, there were a lot, even though there were also a lot of times you did not so nice things to me. You had these short moments when you showed me that you did care, that I wasn't the only one.
I remember that week when we had these exchange students with us. There are thousand of pictures of us, you giving me a piggy ride or us making silly faces. We had a barbecue somewhere in that week and we were teasing each other and I fell, but you took the fall then and everyone was looking at us like we were crazy and we were laughing. Or when we went bowling and when we had to fill in our names for the scoreboard, you typed in bella for me and I blushed so much. I loved that week, simply because you had given me so much attention then.
I loved sitting on your lap in lunch break. You would always grab my sides to pull me to you. You'd always share your food and drinks with me and I thought it was so sweet. You'd hold me and snuggle up to me and I was so happy. I loved that you gave me so much attention when there were so many people around watching us.
We had fun together. We irritated the teachers endlessly with our talks and laughs. I remember one time we even got caught cuddling by one of the scariest and grumpiest teachers. Our when we were sleeping next to each other and we ended up in a tickle competition and it somehow ended up being very intimate and private, not because we did more but just the way we acted towards each other and looked at each other.
You cared for me. I couldn't count the times that you would give me a ride. You gave me your jacket, you let me sleep on our shoulder and carried my suitcase. My mom adored you and I think you secretly adored my mom too. You flowered my mom with compliments, just too get on her good side. Why would you even care if you were on her good side, unless you cared for me right?
But somehow you always seemed to ruin these sweet gestures, just with one comment. Suddenly you acted cold to me and the feeling of happiness and pure adoration was completely gone. I don't know if it was on purpose, if it was you way to say I didn't mean it, or if you were scared for opening up and you acted like that just to shut me out because I got too close, or if it was your way of handling things or if it was just you being an asshole. And it confused me, I didn't know if it was real or if you were just playing. I just couldn't figure you out and it frustrated me endlessly. And even up to now I wished I could just see what was going on in your mind when you acted like that. If you even acted or that you were being the real you.
