Undead Desires (Book 2 of the Desire Series)

Chapter 2: Without You

I know this is cliche and cheesy as hell but as I walk down to where everyone is gathered to grieve her, or as Carol put it 'celebrate her life,' the song Sad Song by We the Kings runs through my head. I never liked them and never will, I didn't even know that I knew this song, but it describes me and how I am fucking feeling; but that whole 'celebrate her life' thing is fucking bullshit. I don't think we need to gather around and fucking talk about how we fucking feel. We are sad and we miss her. I don't think any of us are trying to push our feelings away, after all the ground is wet from all our tears.

I arrive at the 'ceremony'. I roll my eyes as I look at the memorial. Her bracelet was surrounded by her favorite flowers, lilies. I remember how she would explain the reasoning behind lilies being her favorite flowers. Charlie would go out to the meadow that was down the street and pick them for her whenever she was having a bad day. They both deserved so much more than what they got. 

"We gather here today to celebrate the life of Abby Thomas. She led a happy one-" After those words I start to tune out Hershel and begin to picture her walking down the asphalt. She would smile brightly at all of us. Her sapphire eyes would scan the crowd and they would land on mine. The image of her begins to fade and is replaced with the cold reality. I know the last few weeks haven't been the best for her and she was grieving a lot. I haven't been the best for her but I did everything in my power so she wouldn't get hurt. But look where we are.

I hear Carl's voice breaking me out of my trance, "I remember the day after we met. It was right after Daryl and her first met and I saw her going back into the woods. I remember running up after her and scaring the daylights out of her," he pauses as he collects the memories. "I begged her to stay. She wanted to leave to find her brother but I begged her to stay." A tear streams down his face and lands on the little grave, "I just think that maybe if I hadn't told her to stay that she would still be alive with her brother." The boy breaks into sobs as Maggie pulls him into a hug. Rick just stands there, looking down.

"Daryl." Glenn says next to me. I look up and shrug, "do you have anything you want to say?"

I look around at everyone's faces. Carol nods for me to speak. I feel my throat closing. I shake my head, "no. This is stupid. All of this."

"Daryl w-"

"This is fucking dumb. We gather around some flowers and act like she didn't do a damn thing wrong. Like she was this perfect little thing. We aren't mourning her. We are celebrating this stranger. She isn't even underneath us. She's is burned to nothing. So no I don't want to say anything to these god damn flowers. It won't bring her back. It wont stop the killing pain in my chest each time I think of her. There is no fucking point. You all can but I ain't." I yell. I kick the rocks as I walk away, carrying my crossbow.

I storm into the cell block. I walk into her cell and start pacing back and forth. I sit down on her bed and bury my head into her pillow. I can still smell the light scent of musty flowers.

I'm afraid that I will forget. No I am fucking terrifed that I will forget her and everything that made her, well, her. I am going to have to live without the burning sensation that would warm my whole body whenever we touched. I am going to have to live without her and I don't know if I am ready for that. 

I look around for something of her's. Like something that was a part of her. I look in a drawer to find her pocket knife. My fingers lightly brush the piece of metal and I can almost feel her standing next to me.  

I remember the first day we met like it was yesterday. It still makes me smile, our first conversation. She had to make fun of my grammar. She wasn't taken back by my appearance and didn't let me win at anything. I grew to be intrigued by her. I watched her as we ran into Atlanta and how she only brought out a pocket knife. At first I thought is this girl fucking stupid and I knew she had more than what met the eye. When I found my brother's hand she was comforting, and she was trying to help and understand and I love her for that and so much more.