Undead Desires (Book 2 of the Desire Series)

Chapter 4: Rise

One more week. In total 3 weeks have passed. I didn't know I would last this long. But I did. It isn't easier at all. Everyone keeps telling me that time heals all wounds, but no one can tell me what I'm supposed to do right now. Right now I can't sleep. She invades my dreams. I dream about her and I laughing and smiling. It's right now that I can't eat. If I do eat, it's barely enough to give me any sort of energy. Right now I still hear her voice and sense her presence even though I know she's not here. I know all about time and wounds healing, but even if I had all the time in the world, I still don't know if this unbearable pain will ever go away. 

I walk down to tend the garden that she helped make. I bend down and begin to dig in the wet soil when time stopped. I look in front of me to see a white butterfly on the edge of the garden bed. I stare at the butterfly and it stared at me.

"What happens when we die?" She asked. She looked up to me, awaiting an answer. 

"Don't ask me. I don't know." I shrugged. Her sapphire eyes filled with concern. "I guess, Heaven."

"That would be nice. But," She paused and looked around the room before finding my eyes again, "I would want to be a butterfly."

"Why?"

"Because, if I happen to go before you or Daryl or Beth I would want to be able to fly around and check up on you guys."  She smiled. "So you know that you are never alone. I will always be around."

"Don't think like that."

Of course she didn't listened, "I would want to be white. Because, white is associated with light and goodness." She smiled brightly and I could see the tears filling her eyes. "What would you want to be?"

"I don't know." I said. I didn't want to talk about death but I wish I did. I wish I had that conversation with her. 

"I could see you becoming maybe a hawk." She smiled up at me. I only rolled my eyes. "C'mon you never thought about this?"

"Nope."

"Seriously?" She looked at me with raised eyebrows. "Fine. We won't talk about it." She got up and walked out of the cell.

I stare at the butterfly. I put my finger by it and surprisingly, it climbs on. I smile at it and let out a low chuckle. I stand up and hold my finger up to the sky. "It's okay." I whisper to the butterfly. "You can fly now. Let go." I wait a second and like magic, the butterfly flies off my finger. I watch it fly to the prison and after that I lose it. I feel better. I honestly feel better, like a wound is starting to heal. 

I walk up to the prison after about thirty minutes planting plants. I walk into the building and look at the food cabinet. I grab an apple off the shelf and some small carrots. I sit down on the bench and look around at the dirty place. 

"Good to see you eating again." Glenn walks up to me.

"Yeah." I agree.

"She would be proud of you, Rick." He gives me his famous smile.

"I know." I take a bit of my apple. "It doesn't make it any easier." 

"Nothing does." He clasps my shoulder before walking away. I look down at the apple and carrots but I lose my appetite. I look up to see that white butterfly watching over me. If I am not doing this for me, or the group, I will do it for her. I will not let her get forgotten through tears. 

I finish my apple and walk over to the crib of Judith's. I look into it and see Judith isn't here. I sigh loudly before something caught my eye. I look down to see a tiny blue rabbit at the bottom of her crib. I pick it up in my hands...

"I like this one." She said as she threw me a tiger. We were going through toys at this store we found. It was her idea. 

"No. Not that one." I said as I shuffled through the endless toys. 

"I found it!" She screamed. I looked over to her with wide eyes. She walked up to me with a little bunny. "So if a walker bites her leg off she knows she could always hop." She joked. I rolled my eyes with a slight smile on my face. "Isn't it cute though." She made that pout face, everyone knows what I am talking about.

"I guess, yeah." I shrugged my shoulders. 

"Can't you smile?" She placed her hands on her hips. "You are so goddamn boring lately." 

"I really don't want to do this. We need to be looking for food not baby toys." I said, irritated. 

"Well," She threw the bunny in the bin, "every child deserves at least one toy so, sorry for wanting your child to have a toy." 

Now that I look back on it, I was awful to her. I never gave her the attention she deserved. I always shooed her away like she wasn't good enough. I was a dick for most of our relationship. I close my eyes as I wish to take it all back...

"Wake up!" She screamed in my ear. I shot up and looked around. "IT'S CHRISTMAS!"

"Damn it, Abby, I thought someone was hurt." I rubbed my eyes.

"Everyone is fine!" She cheered loudly. "I have been up for several hours preparing this! Come see!" She pulled on my arms.

"Chill out. I'm getting up." I stood up and followed her out. In the common area is everything. There are cookies and gingerbread. Lights are hung everywhere and presents are lined around all the tables. I am completely stunned. "Did you use the rest of the dough for these cookies?"

"No. I, uh, grabbed some when we were out." She smiled brightly at me. I looked at her. "Let's go wake everyone up."

"Let them sleep."

"But it's Christmas." She looked sad at my disapproval. 

"Fine." I sighed. She cheered loudly and walked down the cell block. I heard her voice radiate through the block. Everyone walked in and looked around confused. 

"I don't know if it is really Christmas but it feels right." She shrugged. "MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!" Everyone clapped loudly. Their faces said it all. Everyone was happy. She walked around with the plate of cookies and gave everyone one. "I couldn't find the best presents."

"It's the thought." Beth smiled. She looked down and smiled at the ground. She begun to pass out all the presents. I watched everyone's face turn into pure happiness as they discovered what they got. Carl got two comicbooks. Beth got three new sweaters. Carol got new jeans. Glenn and Maggie got condoms and a book called, Raising A Baby For Dummies. Daryl got some new arrows and new knives that made him smile.

She walked over to me and smiled. "For you Mr. Grimes." I take the box in my hand and open it slowly. I smiled brightly when I see the photograph of Carl, Abby, and I.

"Thank you." I said softly.

"Yeah." Daryl got up and walked over to her. "I already had all these knives so I want a better gift."

"Shut up Dixon." She lightly shoved his shoulder.

"Thank you Thomas." He smiled down at her making something churn in me. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he did her waist. They let go of each other and looked over to me as if I was the one intruding.

I smiled at the memory and lay back on my bed. God I miss her.