Mad For (completed)

Seventeen : Tessa

My mind is screaming at me to stop, but my body refuses. At first, I stay still. But I react, my hands going to his hair.

My eyes flutter close and he tightens his hands around my waist. He deepens the kiss, sending shivers down my spine.

I pull him closer, until we're completely up against each other. He towers over me, so I stand on my toes.

I don't want to stop. But then I realize what I'm doing. I push him away and run out of the room.

"Tessa, wait!" He shouts after me. I run to the front door and run down the street. I hear footsteps chasing after me.

"Tessa, please," he grabs my arm, making me stop. Mark flashes into my mind. I can't breathe. "I'm sorry, I-I-"

"I don't like you!" I scream. "I don't! Okay? Leave me alone, you make me so confused! Being nice one second and flirting the other! But all you want is sex!"

Tears stream down my eyes.

"Tessa-"

"I have to find Vanessa," I push past him.

***

Noah

I splatter paint over the canvas.

Yellow and purple are all over the canvas.

She said she didn't like me. After that kiss, I couldn't get over her. More purple, I think.

How she screamed at me. Tears down her face. How she thought so lowly of me. Sex? I didn't care about it with her.

I drizzle more yellow, mixing with the purple. 

I had her so close, as if I could read her every thought. But then she just, left. Left me there, confused.

I stop painting and head to my bedroom. I undress and fall asleep.

***

Tessa

I tell Vanessa everything. Why I freaked out, what I think of boys, and why.

"You were raped?" She gasps. I nod. "Well, I have a killer headache from being drunk, so let's go somewhere, just don't feel like school right now. And I think you need some time away from Noah."

I nod as she hugs me.

***

I've avoided Noah for three weeks now. I still notice him, and he notices me. So today was no different.

I was late to English. I was running through the halls, but stopped when I heard voices. A girl was laughing.

I stop to see Noah, roughly kissing a small, blonde girl. I have to go through this hall to go to English, so I quickly walk by. I feel tears, but I blink them away, telling myself I was the one who rejected him, not the other way around.

He notices me. "Tessa," he says. I stop, my back facing him. A tear falls. I quickly walk away, heading to the parking lot.

"Tessa, wait!" I pick up my speed. Noah chases after me.

I open the doors, still running, crying in the process.

"Tessa!" He grabs my arm, making me flinch. He turn me around, examining my face. "You're hurt."

He searches my eyes.

"No, I'm fine," I smile.

He looks away, then back at me. "Tessa, you were the one who told me that you didn't-"

"I know." It was true, so why was I hurt?

"Come along," he starts walking away, me following.

***

We sit on the beach in silence. I stare at the ocean.

Finally, he speaks.

"Do you feel the same about me?" He doesn't look at me. 

"I don't know," I turn to him.

He sighs. "Why do you flinch at people's touch?"

I don't answer.

"Were you abused?" He turns to me, eyes wide.

"Does it matter?"

"It does," he grabs my hand, making me flinch.

"Something like that, I guess."

"You don't have to tell me."

"Maybe I want to."

"Well, when you're certain, find me." He smiles a sad smile.

"Okay," I get up, and walk away.

***

I sat in my room, watching another movie from where I ended it. I was crying, wondering how this is actually possible.

I'm not sure if I want this. But I don't want Noah with any other girl, which confuses me. I see the characters kissing, making me cry more.

I get up and grab my car keys.

Listening to The Rolling Stones, I step on the gas.

I come to Noah's house and stop the car. His lights are off, considering it was midnight.

I throw rocks at his window.

He opens on the sixth one, laughing.

"You know, the guy is supposed to do this," he stops laughing when he sees my tears. He climbs down the tree next to his window.

"Are you okay?"

"I was raped," I said, not really knowing what I was saying. "By my uncle-"

"Tess, you don't have to-"

"And instead of punishing him, my parents paid him so he would leave the country," I don't stop. "Then they sent me away, and then I compelled myself to think every guy only wanted sex, that's it. Every guy was bad, just like my uncle."

He didn't speak.

"So my parents sent me away to think. Also payed a therapist twenty thousand dollars extra to not report my uncle to the police when he heard my problems." Noah nods.

"I'm not someone who can handle a relationship, Noah," I say, still crying. "I can't deal with the work, but I want to. I don't know why but I want to."

"I want that too-"

"But you shouldn't," I cut him off. "I'm not someone who can make you happy, Noah, I'm someone who will just drag you down and make you feel like you are stuck in a relationship because I was raped, and I don't want to put you through-"

He steps toward me, silencing me with his lips.

My heart picks up pace and I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. He tightens his hold on my waist, making me gasp.

He plants kisses down my neck, making me shiver with excitement.

"I want to be messed up with you," he says, making me laugh.