To Live Again: In her Hands {Lord of the Rings / Thranduil fanfic}

4. O, Beware, my lord, of Jealousy

"She has a name!"

The resentment in her voice hits me with all the force of a raging wind. It takes all my resolve not to flinch away from her. I glance to my right, finding the reason for this argument, staring in utter astonishment at my reaction. Aradan - my closest friend, my one confidant - seems to be completely oblivious to the line he has crossed. It was not his place to ask her...he should not have been so forward! So unprofessional...this was hardly the place. And to think I wouldn't mind...the audacity!

"My apologies Clara," I reply through gritted teeth, "But you do have responsibilities and I was not made aware of your intentions, I could require your assistance?"

Hmph, there that will teach her to be so presumptuous. She does serve me after all, and it is quite unprofessional to assume that you can just flit off to attend parties when you have duties. And these are not just refined parties, these are wild dances! I've been to a few - alright, admittedly more than a few - and they are no place for impressionable young elleth. Especially not respectable elleth from the King's court! Aradan knows this, he does not care for her, if he did he would not put her reputation in jeopardy.

"And do you?" She asks defiantly, and to my utter shock she draws herself up to her full height. Is she challenging me? How dare she! I am a Prince, she show should more respect. But, when she flashes her gaze over mine, I stutter and shrink. The hurt written there is plain to see...and I did that.

"Am I required to serve you?"

"N..No," I scramble over my words, trying vainly to claw back some control, some element of dignity. "I just meant...well you should inform me if you wish to take leave, it is the respectful thing to do."

"But she is?" Aradan suddenly interjects with a bemused look, "I just asked her a few minutes ago, I am certain she would have given you fair warning. But surely you would not withhold from her the chance to socialise and make connections; it must get terribly lonely for you Clara in those halls all day?"

"Oh I don't mind," She sniffs and looks away from me. I begin to prickle all over with embarrassment. Aradan speaks the truth, but damn it all, doesn't she understand? I don't want her to go with him, I don't want her to leave me, I want her to stay. She could get hurt, she could become embroiled in something unsavoury, what if she fell for someone else? What if Aradan pleases her in ways I cannot?

"After all I am employed to serve his highness! I have no right to complain."

My thoughts stop spinning wildly in all sorts of worst case imaginings. Those words feel like ice in my chest. Like she has clawed under my skin and exposed me - and all my pitiful shortcomings. But still, how could she say that?

Is that how you view me?" I bark and lunge forward. I want to grab her and shake her, to scream that this is not me! I don't let people in, to remind her she is the exception...but how could she know that. Instead I snarl out a shocked question; "You believe I view you as a mere servant girl?"

"Well you just said as much!" Her painful cry unsettles me...is that what she thinks? Maybe I was wrong to think there was anything between us! For the love of the Valar, she has no sense of duty, she is being nothing more than a petulant ill-reared child! I am being absurd, I am furious that I can allow one such as this to disrespect me, to violate my privacy like this, and make me appear like the unreasonable one. Who does she think she is, abusing my affections for her so callously?