Josh's Pov
Tyler was my purpose. he was my reason to keep moving forward and I loved just about every secound with him but I still had bad nights but I've been okay for the past month or so.
plus being his official boyfriend for the past week has been great.
he came over and spent nights cuddling I didn't care about sex I just enjoyed his presence.
•trigger warning•
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I had to express my pain I starting writing down how I felt it made me cry, but it helped sometimes.
I kept that journal under my mattress safe away from anyone I knew.
I felt bad this night inpercticulor and I'm not sure exactly why things in life seemed nice for once
[I'm nuts, baby, I'm mad,
Craziest friend that you've ever had
You think I'm psycho, you think I'm gone but I'm not]
I went to the bathroom and pulled out something that would help the pain.
I felt sick but I also strangely better
I heard my phone buzz and stumbled out of the bathroom
incoming call from Tyler Joseph <3😚
I sighed. I'll be fine so will he.
decline.
I went back to what I was doing
[Tell the psychiatrist something is wrong]
I reached further in and grabbed other things I needed that night
I uncovered my arm and starting making new marks
I'm so stupid
so worthless
I deserve this
tearing my skin, opening wounds
[I'm a mad hatter but it's alright]
I cringed but I needed this
I needed this tonight and I don't know why
call Tyler
it's okay I'll be fine
then don't. he'll be better off without you
he can stand a little distance tonight and he loves me
are you sure josh ?
hahaha you don't even know this guy because he's using you
why would anyone use me I'm a useless person just a waste of space
I had to stop for Tyler
but just after a few more pain relievers
phone buzz
I'll be okay.
[Oh, off the bend, entirely bonkers
You like me best when I'm off my rocker
Tell you a secret, I'm not alarmed I'm used to it]
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I went into my room after hiding the needed and looked onto my phone
from Tyler Joseph <3 😚
Josh come over
read 1:00 am
he's okay I can't leave right now Ill just call him
Josh fell asleep holding on to his phone not knowing he was receiving texts all night long.
from Tyler Joseph <3😚
Josh please
not read
from Tyler Joseph <3😚
Josh we need to talk please pick up the phone.
unread
I awoke to the sun screaming through my curtains
I sighed I couldn't remember anything
and then thoughts raced across my mind, well what day was it? is Tyler okay? I should check on him n cuddle him n stuff . I smiled thinking I could cuddle Tyler anytime he was all mine.
I didn't bother checking anything I threw a hoodie over my naked torso and grabbed a pair of tight jeans, I walker downstairs to see that nobody was home so I took a redbull or two from the fridge and I was out the door.
I was about to hop in the car when I saw Tyler sitting in the grass of my lawn perfectly sat under the clouds of the very grey sky, as raindrops surrounded him I reached for his hand sitting down when he swatted me away.
"Tyler ?" a concerned look swept a top of my face.
"Josh why wouldn't you tell me you used again.?"
he sighed wiping tears from his big cheeks.
"I hate that you care so much."
I guiltily confessed.
"Josh talk to me you seem so far away."
"I'm right here,"
I said grabbing hold of his thigh,
"and I'm not going anywhere."
for now
-end-
a/n I love Melanie Martinez's new album crybaby
sorry it was a cruddy chapter :/
Josh's Pov is easier to write for me because I relate to him :/ I'll try to do next chapter in Tyler's Pov
comment your opinions? thnx cc
thanks for reading, loves.
