S U A D E L A

25

R-18
_______

Finally.

Suadela thought when she heard familiar footsteps. She raised her head and stood up.

"Sinundan kita nung umalis ka. Akala ko uuwi ka na." Paliwanag niya sa tahimik lang na nakamata na si Luan. Hindi niya ito tinawagan dahil alam niyang hindi rin nito iyon sasagutin. Isa pa, pinatay niya ang phone niya dahil kinukulit siya ni Soteria.

Nagdaan ang ilang segundo at nanatiling nakapamulsa lang habang nakatingin sakanya ang binata.

Pilit na ngumiti siya dito. "Ayaw mo pa rin makipag-usap? Hindi pa rin ba pwede?" nanantyang tanong niya. Wala itong reaksyon at tagus-tagusan ang tingin sakanya.

"Kaya ba pinalitan mo yung lock?" she pointed the door with her thumb. "Bakit? Hindi na rin ba ako pwede d-dito?" she swallowed hard when her voice slightly cracked.

Luan averted his eyes, "I don't think we could talk now. Nakainom ako." Naglakad ito papalapit sakanya. "Umuwi ka muna. Hindi na kita maihahatid," malamig nitong dugtong at nilagpasan siya.

Napaawang ang bibig ni Suadela at napipikang bumuga sa hangin. Pumihit siya paharap sa binata, "Wala ka na bang ibang excuse na pwedeng sabihin?"

Luan stopped but didn't turn to face her.

Suadela walked towards Luan and stood in front of him.

"Bakit hindi mo nalang ako diretsuhin? I'll understand if you'll tell me that you don't want me around anymore. Pero sabihin mo sakin ng harapan! Wag mo na iligoy k-kasi nakakapagod na..." she smiled weakly. "It's just that you saw me at my worst and stayed. Why can't you do the same when I'm trying to be at my best?"

Luan didn't respond and just stared at her blankly with his hands in his pockets. Cold and indifferent. If someone saw them, it looked like a random girl was asking him out who he didn't even know existed.

"Fuck," Suadela looked down and combed her hair with her fingers, "hindi ako to e..." she muttered, feeling so little while standing in front of Luan at the moment. She exhaled and looked up at him.

"Last na talaga Luan Kho." At pilit na ngumiti siya. "Kung ayaw mo pa rin makipag-usap hindi ko na ipipilit ang sarili ko sayo." She swallowed hard and stared at him intently. "I like you—"

Luan's eyes flickered with unknown emotions but remained silent and unmoving.

"—but after tonight, if you still continue to avoid me... I won't chase you anymore. Ako na mismo ang lalayo sayo." She exhaled again and added, "I'll stop liking you. At wala nang makakapagpabago non—kahit ikaw pa."

After a few moments of staring at Suadela, Luan looked away and heaved a sigh. Then, he left her and walked towards his apartment.

Suadela let out a broken smile. "Tangina..." she mumbled as her vision got blurry. She has just confessed to him her feelings but he only walked away.

That was his response.

Yumuko si Suadela at nagsimulang maglakad palayo. Gaya ng sinabi niya. Hindi niya ipipilit ang sarili rito. Ganito nalang nga siguro sila matatapos.

Biglaan.

Malabo.

Baka ito na yung karma niya dahil sa mga kalokohan niya. Binawian agad siya. Hindi man lang pinatagal.

She abruptly wiped her eyes at the back of her hands as she slowly walked until she finally stopped. She put her hands on her hips and looked up at the night sky. Her vision became blurry again. This was what she is most afraid to experience—to be left alone.