❝Goddammit! I hate you! I hate you and your dumb voice! and your stupid muscles and your awfully attractive face!❞
❝You think I'm attractive?❞
❝Fuck no!❞
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
Dangerous, wild and rebellious.
Calm, cool and collected.
Darya just wan...
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The wind blows against my skin, raw and hard.
I keep my gaze on Ethan. Ethan my sweet boy. Ethan that has tears in his eyes just because of me. Ethan that is claiming to love me even after finding out about my assault.
My head hurts. My body hurts. I just want to rest. To close my eyes and see that everything's fine.
"Maybe it's for the better you know," I smile, replying his earlier statement as I cock my head sideways. The smile cracks open the dried wound on my lips and I wince. "This pain would end when I'm gone."
He lunges forward, reaching his hand to grab for me, but the sudden movement makes me lose my balance as my foot slips. Time seems to slow down as I feel my body sway sideways. But the look of horror on Ethan's face made my heart crack, making me take a step and jump.
I fall into his arms and he instantly wraps them around me, tucking his head in the corner of my neck, inhaling my scent. My feet leaves the floor, our height difference making the hug awkward so I just wrap my legs around his waist.
"Fuck baby," he whispers against my lips. "I was so scared. Don't ever do that again."
Tears fills my eyes as I nod, knowing how me trying to commit has him scared. If I end my life, what would I gain from leaving the people that loves me in pain.
I think of my mother, at how she'll live the rest of her life blaming herself for my death. I think of my brother, who started talking because he finally feels comfortable. I can't hurt him by ending my life.
I think of my best friends, how they would be dejected if they find out and finally, I think of my boyfriend, who's currently crying in my neck just because he saw me standing at the edge of the rooftop.
Ethan would never forgive himself if I fall to my death, he'll continue to blame himself that he should have stopped me. He'll always have me on his mind by looking for depressive signs, signs of my derailing mental health and every good memory we had will turn bitter because he'll always question himself if I was truly happy or not.
"I'm so sorry. I just—"
He cuts me off with his lips, kissing me with all the pain, anger and fear he felt in the past few minutes.
When we finally pulled away from each other, I cup his cheeks, my hair fanning around us like curtains, before wiping away his tears with my thumb.
"I'm sorry baby," I repeat again with a whisper.
I stare into his eyes, seeing how much pain he's been through because of me, thinking maybe it's finally time I let him know. It's time he knows about everything about me.
