Sticks and Stones: The Love I Could Never Have

Chapter 2: Insanity

I just sat down at my desk, walked on and the she appeared in front of me. That one girl who just loves seeing my pain. I can still hear her voice resonating through my mind to my very soul. Who is this girl and why does she love seeing pain so much, Jane,Jane,Jane why do I know this girl. Did I do something to her or. Oh my god. She's  my childhood bully, she's the one who's made fun of me for my weight and for my accent.

Jane must die one day, one day I'll kill her. She,she,she deserves to die. That bitch needs killed and I know the perfect way to do it, I'll get to use a knife and see her suffer. "Think before you do something Ame." my consciousness said. I can still hear her insults and you of all my emotions should know why I hear her voice in my head twenty-four seven, because of her torment, her stupid fucking laughter in my head. 

The things she has said to me, it's all so clear in my mind. "Do it, you know you wanna; just one tiny little slit through her throat and it'll  all be over for her." my mind was toying with me. I'm on the verge of losing my sanity why am I hearing these voices in my head? Why are they doing this to me, why must I be  torchered both inside and out. Where she invades my mind where it's my other world.

"Well why else do you think,that bitch hurt you and she wants you to feel the same pain she does,it's a common things for bullies."my consciousness said. Will you all just go away! You're making me go insane, I'm being drived crazy because you all bother me when I'm walking home or when I don't need you to bother me, why do you even try to talk to me!

"Because we care for your wellbeing, we care for your whole body that's what you want to think though we are but your escape from reality."All of my feelings said at once in unison. Like I care, I created you now go apart from anger I need anger to help me kill this person known as Jane. Jane must die and I have the perfect ways to kill her but, I need anger to help me decide on which one.

"Is that what'll make you happy because if it does it means you've lost the battle, you've let her decide you want to kill her rather then you forging your own path for your own safety." My Happiness told me that. Of course it'll make me happy I've killed the bloody bitch that hurt me. "Then you are pathetic, more pathetic the Jane is herself." My happiness and consciousness were both angry at me.

"You're letting her get to you! You know that right, she wants you to feel like killing her is the only way out of it." I don't  even know why both of them bother telling me the same things. I'll decide myself when I want to kill her, you are but things I created to keep myself sane but, you're doing the exact opposite! You're making me insane! just go, let me think for a bit and I'll call you when I need you.

"I know you still love her, and I know you don't want to give up, you just want her to feel sorry so she can go out with you but you know it's not gonna work." Love, please you need to not bring those topics up again. You know how I feel about it, about how she doesn't return my love. "Well maybe trying to pity her into dating you is the wrong way to go,don't do it or she won't love you."

I'm just going to wait until the right moment love. It's not so simple to just go and ask someone out then hear them say it wasn't a rejection there is a chance to, I rejected you and I don't know how to make someone not feel bad."Well think about it, if you're not into someone and they ask you out how would you feel?"

Well, I'd take it as a complement and not as a creepy thing. The jokes on me though, I think it's time I put myself in Nikita's shoes and try to understand how she feels about it."try to think of it this way, some people like compliments others find them really really creepy and Nikita finds them creepy from what I can tell."

Well I know it's not her fault that she's not into me and it's not my fault that I'm into her, I felt that one time we should've taken a break for a while because of how depressed I was getting and it was the first time I had prayed and no I wasn't so desperate as to pray for her to go out with me it was something different entirely. To make a long story short That's how I honestly feel about her.

Even if I say I'm into her what I really mean is, that I love her but I never told her because she may have found that creepy. So I've never told her that and I still love her even after all the things she's accidentally done to me or on purpose because sometimes she doesn't know what to say to me because no one has ever had a crush on her.  I can honestly say that I wanna go out with her.

Thing is, I know I have no chance whatsoever and I can also say Nikita and I should just forget about it, we should forget about it until we're older. Then maybe, just maybe we can go out with each other. "Brilliantly well said Ame, if all these words are true then maybe one day and you two can be the cutest couple out there, I'll leave you to it Ame." Thanks love, you've helped me out.