Sticks and Stones: The Love I Could Never Have

Chapter 7: Big Heart, Small Feelings

I don't know what I should do now, it seems like every time I'm around him he gets depressed. Is it my fault?
"No Nikita it's not, don't ever think it's your fault. He just needs time is all."
But every time I see him he seems depressed, it's like he doesn't even want to be around me yet he does want to at the same time.
"Because Nikita, he's yearning for your love, he wants you to be by his side and him by yours. You gotta understand that it's because he loves you. I once heard that when a guy finds someone worth suffering for, he'll stay by that suffering and pain just to get through it and find the person he loves to accept his feelings but, if the girl doesn't he will get depressed; he will still get through it until his feelings are accepted."
I don't understand though, why does he want to suffer just to get to me. I already told him I'm not interested in him.
"But are you truly not into him. Be honest with yourself, if you try the hard to get act it won't work on Ame. He'll get more and more depressed."
You see I just didn't want his feelings hurt is all, because he asked me out I didn't want to flat out tell him no.

"Nikita you naive little girl, that's what makes it worse, you give the guy false hope, you make him feel like there is a glimmer of chance, like one day you will get together, that one day you will be a happy couple, a couple that aren't completely opposite but no completely similar. You gave him too much hope and with too much hope can come failure, he feels like you don't want him in your life at all."
I just don't know is all, the spark's there but I just can't see Ame and I going out with each other.
"Nikita I can give you a tactic as to  how you can see whether or  not you two should go out and if I'm right Ame used this tactic as well; think of the reasons as to why you like him in the first place and why you guys would be perfect for each other and reasons as to why you shouldn't, if there are more reasons as to why you like him then you truly love him but, if there are more reasons as to why you shouldn't, you guys should just be friends."
I mean I used to have a crush on him at one point in time but it was very small and I got over it quickly, I didn't expect him to ever have a thing for me. I sort of never thought anyone would love me at all.
"think about it to yourself rather then telling me, it's a think I will hear because I'm at the back of your mind."
but, my parents say I'm to young to date, and they including my sister don't like him for the fact that he has a wee thing for me.
"They'll grow up out of it, they're just trying to protect you and possible they don't want you to grow up too fast." 

I don't really know anymore, I'm confused. Do I love Ame? Is it just a weird feeling in my stomach? Or does he hate me because of all the things I have accidentally done to him, have I really upset him to the point where he does love me but he doesn't want to see my face at all, is it my fault? What is this feeling? I feel tight on the inside.

"You're feeling worry, a type of worry. You worry about Ame's safety don't you? You worry about how he acts around you. You worry about how he compliments you rather then accept the compliment. You're just a worrier. You possibly even worry about if Ame feels depressed all the time or whether he still likes you or not. It's your choice, you can date him if you want, or stick to being friends with him, but if you do fall for him later on you'll miss your chance he'll soon move on from you and onto the next girl, he won't be stuck suffering, waiting for you to give him a chance forever. He even told you he's rethinking those feelings he has for you, you know what I say; if he want's to date you, if he's willing to suffer for it then he's a perfect match for you.

and what if we break up? Will we still be friends or will it be awkward between us and we never speak to each other again?
"That's...Up to you two to decide... He's a nice person in the heart, he's a very emotional person too, I'm sure you would be a special girl if you had a guy like him but who am I to decide? I'm just your inner conscience. It's...Your choice Nikita, find out the reasons for yourself but, one good reason I can tell you is...He's loyal