The Pacifist [COMPLETED]

She Has Something I Don't Have

Joseph

Joseph downed his own drink and left a couple bills on the table before following Rachel out. A pleased chuckle rumbled in his chest as the predator in him enjoyed her foolish brazenness. The thought of showing Rachel who was in charge consumed him. There were so many ways to make her regret walking away from him as a way to get him to do what she wanted. Her sudden action left no room for regulation or deliberation. The Maxwell Monster roared to life and his prey glowed brightly ahead of him in the pall of autumn. His excitement almost had him laughing out loud and he stalked behind her, earning some concerned glances from the people they passed.

"Little one." His voice was so deep and low, only someone who knew his voice could hear it and she did. He watched Rachel stop and her shoulders tense. She didn't move and he came up behind her so he could whisper in her ear. "You've no idea what you've done. You're going to go to my place, let yourself in, and wait for me kneeling in the bedroom on the floor." He pressed his keys into her palm before stepping back.

Rachel didn't move at first, but then broke into a brisk walk. Once she was out of sight, Joseph relaxed his hands that had been bunched into fists. That was the only opportunity for him to reign himself in but the one drink had his willpower just short of what was needed to get his head straight. The lure of giving in once again into his impulses was too strong.

I'll make her bleed, he decided. I'm going to mark her and make her beg. The thought was on a loop as he stalked towards his apartment. He could already picture her, kneeling with wide yes. He had considered asking her to wait naked, but he loved that bright yellow on her so much. Joseph imagined how beautiful her ass would look, red from his violence while framed by buttercup. He picked up his pace, desperate to taste her fear in the air. He wanted to fill his lungs with it. By the time he reached his building, his hands were bunched up into fists again, his need ready to rip from his chest with a roar.

"Joseph..." The voice pulled him out of his delirious haze. It was Rebbecca. Her eyes searched his face, making him recoil and trying to shove the monster back into its box. But it was too late, she had seen it and jealousy he had thought her incapable of marred her usually confident composure.

"What are you doing here?" he bit out, his voice unintentionally harsh.

"I... I was just passing by and saw you..." she stopped, keeping her truth unspoken and looked up to where she knew his apartment was, even though she had only been there once. "You play in your apartment? With her?"

"Why does it matter?"

Her bottom lip quivered and her vulnerability was like a bucket of ice water and Joseph was one hundred percent sobered. "Are you really that stupid?"

"I guess I am," he grunted.

"You fucking asshole. I took care of you. I loved you..."

"I never asked you to and made it clear..."

"I know that! You don't think I know that?! Fuck!"

Her emotional outburst was so unlike her that Joseph was at a loss of what to do with it. Calm, cool, confident Rebbecca didn't show her feelings. She didn't need him or anyone. So Joseph couldn't help but flounder to figure out where it was coming from and why it was happening, and now of all times.

"You showed her all of you. At least you were going to."

Joseph understood then. He had never allowed himself to enjoy what he did with Rebbecca and he was about to with Rachel. "Rebbecca..." he started.

She held up her hand and smiled through her tears. "Don't. I get it. She has something you need and I don't have it."

He wanted to console her and hated how his actions had chipped away at her unshakable confidence. But, there was nothing he could say because she was right. Rachel had the undefinable thing he had hungered for his entire life, but couldn't find due to the fact that it was undefinable. He hadn't even known until this very moment.

"I've been in the lifestyle long enough to know. But... it doesn't make it hurt any less." Rebbecca took a few steps back before turning on her heel and walking away. Joseph stood in the street, stunned, and looked up at his apartment the way Rebbecca had. He wondered if Rachel's knees were hurting or if she thought the delay was intentional. He mourned for the abandon he had allowed himself to feel. Maybe tonight wasn't the night, but if anything was certain, he wanted to seek out the feeling again and to wash over her with it until it was all they both knew. And that was what he could never give Rebbecca and what had crushed her.