The Pacifist [COMPLETED]

Like a Monster

Joseph

His mind raced. He couldn't let her go but he was also terrified of destroying her. Rachel was so delicate he worried she'd crack like a porcelain doll if he looked at her the wrong way. This stirred a maddening need to protect her at all costs and to shatter her into a million pieces. Oh how he loved punching pretty delicate things...

He shook his head. A choice had to be made. She was right; disappearing and reappearing wasn't fair to her, no matter his intentions. So the question was: Did he have the willpower to stay all the way away?

He obviously knew the answer before he was even finished silently asking it. No.

"I want you," was his only admission. She nodded and he still wished she would run as far away as she could from him.

Now, the next question was: Did he try to restrain himself, or completely let go? Again, the answer was obvious because, in this case, restraint would only set him up for failure. Maybe he could indulge with her, eventually sate his hunger for her suffering, then carry on a normal relationship.

"In what capacity?" she asked, as if hearing his current deliberations.

"In every way." He internally winced at the purposeful vagueness of the answer, but he believed it would keep them both safe from disappointment. He just had to trust that she wouldn't press for something more concrete.

She didn't.

"Can I take you home?" he asked. He needed to do something normal, if only to prove that he could be normal with her and not just a depraved, violent monster.

Rachel nodded and stood on unsteady legs, bringing the thin blanket he had covered her with with her. He had folded her clothes and left them in a neat pile on his desk. Joseph got the hint that she wanted privacy to dress and although it seemed ridiculous considering what they had done earlier, he understood and left, closing the door behind him. He leaned against it, and attempted to calm his heart rate with deep breaths. He was being consumed by the delicate creature on the other side of the door. Something told him that he wouldn't survive her and maybe that would be okay. He deserved a little death after all.