Written By Me, Connor | (Tronnor)

my heart, stolen

Sorry it's been so long I've been trying to live life outside of the Internet.

I mean it hasn't been that long since I wrote one of these but it's been enough for you to be confused as to why I've been missing.

I still make YouTube videos, I still you let that support me. I'm so happy that I can make a good living off of it. Especially since I quit my job I need all the help I can get. I just wanted to live a normal life instead of just some Internet celebrity because sometimes people take that the wrong way and no one takes me seriously.

I mean, when is the last time that you heard somebody say "wow you're a YouTuber, that's an incredible job to have!" The answer is, you don't.

I could go on for days on how YouTube actually is a job and how successful people come from it and everything like that but it's not worth the time and no one believes me anyway.

Maybe I'm coming off as too mad about that but it's really really frustrating when even the people that you care about the most don't understand the concept and think it's a joke.

My family didn't even understand it, not for a long time. But that's okay, there's also people in my life that do understand.

-

You know that Sam Smith concert I mentioned a few journals ago? Yeah that was Troye's and my second date. He surprise me with tickets the night before. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry or both honestly.

The night was amazing, and honestly I could not have asked for a better person to spend it with. Troye means so much to me I can't even begin to explain.

Actually, a lot went down that night. I'm not quite sure if I want to go into details, just because it's kind of personal, but it's not like anyone reads these anyway so I might as well.

We were enjoying the concert when all of a sudden Troye turns to me and leans in. I backed up a bit, because I swear he was going to kiss me. But he didn't and I felt really bad for backing up. I probably startled him and he thought that I was intimidated by him or something, of course I'm probably over analyzing the situation but you know how that goes.

He was just trying to tell me something because it was the end of the concert. He was asking if I needed a ride home, because we met up there. He was going to pick me up but the traffic was too much so we just met there. I don't exactly have a car at the moment, so I've been taking the bus everywhere. I'm glad he asked, because I was definitely in the mood to spend some more time with him.

The car ride was exactly like one of those cliche movie scenes, you know, where the passenger looks out the window and when they look back, the driver is staring at them. It wasn't just a normal stare though. This one meant something.

He dropped me off and that concluded the night.

C: Text me when you get home safe, okay!

T: Will do!

C: Okay, don't forget! I lov...

T: What?

C: I uh....I had a great time with you tonight.

He smiled this HUGE smile. One that could end wars and cure cancer, you know. Like that John Green quote.

T: Me too. Let's do it again, okay?

C: Sounds good.

He drove away.

-

Twenty minutes later I received a text from Tro.

T: Made it home safe! Thinking about you already. I miss you.

I literally didn't know what to say.

He has feelings for me. It's obvious now.

C: Really?

Smooth, Connor. Don't make it sound like the friend zone....you like him too...

T: Oh my, I'm sorry if that came off as weird to you

He inserted the embarrassed emoji.

C: No, it's actually quite

Oh screw it. Say what you feel. Alright kids? Lesson learned. Always say what you feel.

C: it's actually quite cute, you're cute.

T: *insert monkey emoji covering eyes*

He's actually so adorable I can't handle it.

C: I'm getting tired. Goodnight Tro, thanks for everything

T: Goodnight Con. I appreciate you.

-

From that night on, I've been honestly staying off my phone and just living life the way I should be. I know it's probably not the best idea to be writing my journals in a phone anyway, but it's the best thing I have and it's easy to quickly jot down anything I need.

Plus, my phone has a lock on it so at least no one will be reading these journals except for me.

I hope Troye doesn't find these because they're pretty embarrassing. I don't want him to know how much love I have for him yet. It's not the time. Yeah I told him he was cute, but I couldn't say "I love you" yet. I just couldn't.

We aren't even a couple.

Yet.

Well, I hope we will be.

Although I've been spending an awful lot of time with him, and he probably gets all the hints, I still am too scared to ask him out.

You know, I haven't been on my phone much at all. When we hang out, all we do is enjoy each other's company, and talk about life. We've gone to lunch and dinner many times now, and each one just keeps getting more and more intimate. I don't mind at all though. I really like it.

I like it a lot.

Sometimes I wonder if I popped the question, "will you go out with me?" What would he say? I feel like he would either straight up say no, or say yes just because he felt bad.

No one can ever have feelings for me like that.

That only happens in storybooks.

In reality you're always screwed over and put into the friend zone and who knows what else.

Okay, maybe it can happen.

The more that I think about it, he does definitely have feelings for me.

I'll give it a few weeks, maybe even a month.

If he doesn't say anything then, I will.

Wow, I never thought I would be saying this again but, yes, I think I have found my true love. My soulmate.