Letters From Augustus

Chapter 8

Hazel Grace,

                      I am very sick and I do appreciate you staying with me through this, not everyone would. I'm going to die and you're doing everything you can to make it not hurt. Don't worry Hazel Grace, it won't hurt. I have this plan. When I know I'm going to die, I will think about everything that made me happy. It won't be much since I'm only 18, but it will be enough. You'll definitely be on my mind. You're the love of my life. I love you, Hazel Grace. 

                                                                                                      Love, 

                                                                                                                   Gus Waters

I only had a month and a half left so I decided to spend today reading a lot of Gus' letters. I had 26 more and between all the doctors appointments I couldn't read much. I was sleeping and drinking milkshakes for breakfast, lunch and dinner, while Isaac, bless his heart, did anything he could do for me. God, I felt for him. Both of his friends dying so close together, I would definitely be upset. But strangely, he showed very little negative emotion. He always smiles around me, I mean, so does everyone else, I'm about to die, but his was different. 

Dearest Hazel Grace,

          What is this? Letter 8? Somewhere around there. I have many more. However, they'll most likely be shorter, like journal entries a 13 year old year makes when she wants to document what her crush says to her every few seconds. I hope that made you laugh, god, I love when you laugh. It sucks it knocks the wind out of you because if it didn't I'd make you laugh all the time. 

                                                                                                                       Love, 

                                                                                                                                Gus 

I could almost hear his voice, his sweet, lovely voice that I've missed for too long. I don't know if there's an afterlife, but if there is, then I hope I'm able to spend it with him. 

Dear Hazel Grace.

           Good morning my love. You're beautiful, Hazel Grace Lancaster.

                                                                                                       Love,

                                                                                                              Gus

Dear Hazel Grace,

          I just wanted some cigarettes, Hazel. Cigarettes. I should be able to get them by myself. I'm not dying... Well, I am. But that shouldn't stop me from being able to do things I need to do when I need to do them. Shit, Hazel Grace, I'm dying.  

                                                                                                           Love, 

                                                                                                                  Gus

I remember that day so vividly. He looked so vulnerable, so terrified of what his own body was doing to him. He couldn't do things himself and he hated it, he really did. But, he always acted with valor through his unfortunate cancerous battle. He was always said he was afraid of oblivion. But, instead, I do believe that he was in fact afraid of himself.