Redefining A New Normal

I'm back baby!

August 9, 2015

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Edited 2017: I have now been diagnosed as bipolar II with PTSD and ADHD symptoms. Wasn't depression after all. All else is the same though.

[Slight trigger warning] 

Hey. I missed you guys. c: 

Okay, so a lot has happened in the last five months, as you would know if you religiously read my book, The Things I Leave Unsaid, which you probably didn't but totally should have(it's not too late, go read it now!). First off, after a situation involving things I'd rather not mention, I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder and a significant bout of depression. This explained a lot for me, like why I was bursting into tears at random insignificant moments and why I had no motivation to even do my homework most of the time. I was copying off my friends every day at one point. I was losing weight which was good, but strange since I wasn't even trying. I just didn't ever want to eat anymore. I was snapping at friends and even getting annoyed at the little kids in the childcare program at my school. I didn't even care anymore. I remember one day on the bus sitting and thinking how I finally understood why a teen(or adult) would choose to take their own life. I still wasn't to the point where that was a possible option yet, but I understood why it would be. I NEVER would have thought I'd get to that point. That motivation-less, empty feeling also had a significant effect on my writing. I don't even want to look at how many unfinished stories I have on hold. A dozen probably, at least. 

Even my poetry laxed some in the more recent months and I apologize for that to the few loyal readers I have who read and commented on almost every poem. You guys were what kept me going for so long and I thank you for your sincerity and kindness to take time out of your own life to leave a few nice words for some guy you don't even know. 

I've been on my Zoloft for a while now and while I still will probably have to amp up the dosage a few more times, life might be looking up. I can think and type at the same time again, which is nice. My mom doesn't have to type for me while I ramble like I'm on some sort of hard drug. I've started a new prose book and blessed it Redefining A New Normal to honor the society-defying fire that's slowly sweeping through the world. Themes will include originality, individualism, uniqueness, confidence, and so on. It will focus on the power we have inside ourselves hidden away so that even we might not recognize it even if it was staring us in the face. Every single person has strength. Every single person has courage. Every single person has some type of magic inside themselves, whether they see it or not. 

I see it in all of you.

This book is dedicated to every person who has ever been called ugly, who's ever been told they were worthless, or stupid, or boring. It's to the freaks and geeks, and clowns and frowns that need to be turned upside down. It's to all of you who have ever been told you'd never be good enough or that you'd never make it in "the real world", but who couldn't help but feel somewhere deep down inside that you were special..and that they were wrong. And you were right, you are special. Simple eyes that sit in front of simple minds can't always see things too clearly. 

I'm not here to tell every person reading this that they're completely the victim and the world is the one who's always wrong, or that you're perfect at all because you're not, it's not, and you're not again. What I'm telling you is that everyone has the potential to be something great. It takes time and it takes passion, not to mention intense dedication..but you can get there if you want. 

This book centers on reaching the highest potential within ourselves and never deciding, "okay I'm done" because you can never be done. It's about random acts of kindness and giving love when all you've received is hate because, as Anne Frank once said, "Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart." If a girl who lived hidden away during a genocide knowing millions of people craved her death could still believe that and manage to stay pure and kind, you can do it too. 

Page one is that way. Enjoy the ride. 

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