Becoming Her (Trans)

Chapter 3

I know boys are expected to have pigstys for bedrooms, but that's an understatement with Josh. Food wrappers are littered everywhere. Soda cans are on their sides with a little bit of brown liquid spilling out. And tissues. Used tissues. I can't tell you how many I see from where I'm standing.  And Josh wonders why his family make jokes about what he's doing "discreetly".

"Sup, Matthew?" Josh says from his bed. I thank to every available god that he wasn't jacking off. Instead, his legs are splayed out on both sides of his bed, and in front of him are piles of papers. "Yeah, sorry about the mess I have here," he says.

"Which mess, the one in front of you or the rest of this room?" I quip. I step over a mountain of dirty clothes.

Josh mutters, "Smartass." He picks up a couple of piles and sets the papers on his nightstand. "I don't even know why I bothered signing up for any AP classes. All they ever do is assign us summer homework and make us write an essay for each class every day." He groans to emphasize the struggle he's in.

I'm not really sure how to handle this; I'm mostly busy about what I need to get done to pass the classes. "Well, not every day," I offer. I can tell from Josh's pained look that it's not the best response. "What? What did you want me to say?"

Clasping his hands together, Josh replies in a deep, silly voice I hope isn't supposed to be me, "'Why Josh, I have a great idea! Let's blow up the school and forget that piece of shit ever existed!'" Returning to his normal voice, my best friend adds, "That's what I wanted you to say."

I shake my head. "There's no way in hell I'd ever want to do that," I say. "I need all the valid escapes from home I can get." Josh finishes putting away the piles, and I carefully sit down at the edge of the bed. I assume he doesn't care about the rest of his room, as long as his bed is nice and clean. I roll my eyes at his logic.

"So? Go to the fucking mall, dude." When I don't answer, Josh stage-whispers, "Girls! Hot, sexy girls!"

"Um, I'm good."

Josh pauses. "Dude, you alright?" he asks. "You're not sounding excited about that."

"My dad left." The three little words fly out of my mouth without me realizing. I can tell Josh definitely heard it; his mouth opens a little in shock. I keep my eyes focused on a moldy pizza box.

"Dude."

"Yeah."

"No 'yeah'. That fucking sucks. You were close to your dad." For the first time in ages, he's sounding very concerned. Then again, nothing like this has ever happened to either of us. "Do you know why he left?"

I bring my legs up and hold them in place. "From what I heard mom screaming about last night, he was having an affair," I say. I expect tears to come, or at least prick at my eyes. They don't, and Josh leans forward, resting his chin on his hands. "I never expected that to happen."

"Well, not a lot of kids expected anything like that to happen, Matthew. And you shouldn't have expected it, anyway. I mean, I've seen your parents. They were fucking happier than corgis on stilts." I snort, and Josh gives me a loopy smile. "Maybe not like that," he adds.

"Corgis would have been terrified as hell if they were on stilts," I point. "In reality, everyone would be happier than the poor dogs."

"The point is," Josh interrupts, "they acted really happy around each other. They didn't give anyone a warning." He scoots towards his window to turn on the air conditioner. I haven't realized the room was stuffy. Josh looks at me again. "Are you going to be OK?"

I laugh bitterly. "Who the hell knows, right?"

________

A couple hours and a video game later, I stumble down the stairs to find Kelly getting her hair styled by Mandy. "Now, the trick is keeping the braid tight the whole time you're placing it," Mandy instructs. My sister nods the whole time.

"Hey," I say, getting the girls' attention. "I'm going back home." I gesture to the front door.

"Give me a minute," Kelly says. I wait by the door, and she gets up with her new hair style. "Thanks for the tips, Mandy," she adds sweetly. "I'll see you tomorrow." Mandy only smiles in reply.

When we're out in the streets, my sister asks, "Did you tell Josh about it?"

I put my hands in my pockets. "Uh, yeah."

"And?"

"He didn't take it well."

Kelly scoffs. "Of course not," she says. "He and Mandy are practically part of our family."

A group of boys are chasing each other around, and one of them is holding a ratty basketball to dear life. He throws the ball to someone else, and the ball is thrown to the hoop. It goes in, and half of the boys cheer in victory. The first kid picks it up and starts a new round.

"Matthew? You listening?" I look back at Kelly with a confused expression. "That's a no. I said I'm planning to tell Mandy tomorrow at the mall."

Immediately, I ask, "Where at the mall?"

"You planning on getting those shoes, huh?"

"What? Oh." I remember what Mandy said when I was analyzing her outfit. "Actually, no. I need to get out of the house more often. I'm pretty sure Josh wouldn't want me to camp out in his bedroom."

Kelly snorts. "Ew, why would you even want to?" she says. She doesn't wait for my response before changing the subject. "Man, school starts next week. You pumped for Trojan spirit?" Kelly sarcastically throws her hands up in the air.

"You sound really hyped up about condoms," I joke.

"Yeah, I know. Seriously, Fife High couldn't choose to be the home of the Romans or something?"

"Be glad you're still at Columbia Junior High. At least their mascot is a cougar."

My sister rolls her eyes in annoyance. "Oh, wow. I should be glad to be in a place more paranoid than a fraidy cat." She thinks her statement over. "No pun intended."

"Cougars aren't afraid," I point out.

"But they're cats," Kelly says. "Anyway, with Columbia and Fife compared, your school would win. You only have a sucky mascot."

Shrugging, I get up on our porch and cautiously open the door. I expect a Mom-made tornado, with broken frames and Dad's shattered possessions everywhere. Instead, the table Mom was sobbing at is spic and span. The box and used tissues are gone. And I'm pretty sure it's not the only area that's been tidied. 

Kelly walks in and picks up her Ipod. She shuffles through some songs before putting on her earbuds. I guess Bitchy Kelly is back. She sings along badly as she clomps up the stairs and to her room. I roll my shoulders and think about the school starting up again. I'll be a junior this year, and probably in the same position I've been in when I was a sophomore, only with harder classes. Josh will be there to support me if I need any. The library can be open for me to hide in after school. I'll probably be too busy to freak out over Dad leaving.

But, am I really ready for school in the situation I'm in right now?