Becoming Her (Trans)

Chapter 20

As soon as I arrive at Fife High, Josh runs by and grabs my arm. He doesn't say anything to me as he drags me across campus. My best friend finally lets go of me when we get to the portables area. "What happened that day?" he demands.

Scrunching my eyebrows in confusion, I ask, "What are you talking about?"

Josh growls. "The day when you came to visit at my house and received a call from Gwen," he answers, clearly impatient. "You haven't said anything about it since then."

"Oh." It's all I can say.

"Oh? Tell me what happened." Josh taps his foot, one of his signs of aggravation. "I'm so close to punching you, I'm not even kidding."

I subconsciously glance down at my new dress (without the scarf, thank God). "I made it clear I only wanted to be friends with her," I say. I try my best to stay calm.

"And?" The tapping gets faster.

"And, I mentioned that you like her?"

Josh freezes. "You did what now?"

"What? You freak when I get a call from her, and you freak when I tell her you like her?" I sigh, annoyed. "I can't win with you."

"You're not winning because you're not playing the rules right." I see Gwen walking out of the library with a content look on her face. After a quick glance around the campus, she walks towards us. Josh doesn't notice. "If someone tells you their crush, you don't go around blurting it out, especially to said cru--"

Gwen interrupts. "Hey guys!" she greets. She has a big smile on her face. "Anything new going on?"

All of the sudden, Josh's tongue gets all tied-up. "Um, well, there's some, uh, stuff going on." He pulls his shirt collar from his neck. Yeah, sounds like a nervous sign from a character on TV or book or whatever, but hey. That's Josh for you. "How about you?" My best friend's question ends on a high note.

She giggles. "Nothing new for me." She pauses. "Hey, I have a question to ask you."

"Annnd, that's my cue to leave," I say. Taking a couple steps back, I walk off, not bothering to look back. I have a feeling as soon as I'm far enough Gwen and Josh will start, you know, kissing passionately. Again, something you'd see in movies, but still.

I go to Miss Young's classroom to store my backpack in for 1st period, where Miss Young is writing on the board. It's most likely DGP, or Daily Grammar Practice. It's a pain in the ass, and my English teacher knows that well; she always starts her classes with them.

She turns around in time for me to open the door on my way out. "Matthew," she says. "How's your writing going?"

Making a noise, I respond, "Not well." I haven't bothered to come back to it after Kelly and I came home from the shopping the other day. There wasn't any point.

"Are you having trouble with it?" I nod. "How much time have you put on working on it?"

I think for a moment. "Does brainstorming count? If so, too much."

Miss Young laughs a little. "You know, the best writing sometimes come from tackling it after a long period of time avoiding it." I must have looked confused, because she goes on. "As in taking a really long walk, thinking about nothing. Afterwards, when you get back into writing, you'll have a clearer mind."

The bell rings, signifying the 5-minute warning. Miss Young puts down her marker and moseys to her desk. "It's completely your choice, Matthew. Do whatever it takes to write a good paper." More students file in the room, so I don't get a chance to talk more about it to her.

I do, however, think a little about what she's said.

_______

A flash gets my attention. "Dawling, why don't you turn your head that way?" the photographer instructs. "I need a photo of your confidence in that beautiful outfit."

Blushing, I do what he tells me, and he gasps. "Just wonderful, dawling!" he drawls. "You'll be a star in that pose." He snaps a few photos while I try my best to stand still.

I smile. "Do you think so?" My voice is higher, more feminine.

"Of course, dawling!" He takes a couple steps to his right. Aiming his camera again, he orders, "Now, be a tiger! You're trying to catch your prey, and they're right in front of you!" I do, somehow, and a few more flashes blind me. "Wonderful!"

He sets his camera down for a few minutes. While he does, I glance down. The first thing that catches my eye is the huge chest. The second thing is the golden flowy dress. It reminds me of some goddess in a mythology.

"Admiring your beauty, huh?" The photographer asks. I nod, and he grins. "Soon, everyone in the fashion world would know your name! Imagine, Miya Morris, first transgender female model!"

I repeat my name to myself. It kind of flows, like the dress I'm wearing.

Suddenly, there's a knock on the door. The photographer excuses himself and opens it, revealing another man. He's dressed like someone sophisticated. "Ah, hello!" The photographer cries. He shakes hands with the stranger before leading him towards me. "This is the model I was telling you about."

He gives me a once over. "Pleasure to meet you," he says finally. "What's your name?"

I open my mouth to speak, and I say with confidence--

"Matthew."

Wait. What?

"Matthew!" This time, there's someone shaking my shoulder.

I open my eyes slowly. "Say huh?" I mumble, sitting up. After rubbing my eyes, I see Kelly at the foot of my bed. "What do you want?" The words slur from the deep sleep. "What time is it?"

"It's 2 in the morning." Eyes widened, I look over to my alarm clock. Yep, it's 2 am. "And before you yell at me about why I woke you up so fucking early, it's probably because you were fucking talking in your sleep."

I raise an eyebrow. "I was?" I ask.

My sister rolls her eyes. "No shit. You were keeping me awake, and thank God you didn't wake Mom." She pauses. "Who's Miya?"

"Where did you get that name?"

Silence. "OK, let's backtrack to the part where I mention you talk in your sleep." Sarcasm drips from her voice. "At some point you said Miya. Either you were dreaming that I changed my name to that or you met a girl named Miya and she's appearing in your dreams."

"Yeah, something like that," I say quietly. I want to go back to sleep. Unfortunately, Kelly's not going to let me.

"Which one is 'something like that'?" Kelly asks, using air-quotes.

I lean my head on my arm. "Um, the 2nd one."

"Oh. I thought you have a thing for Gwen."

Shaking my head, I respond, "Josh has a thing for her. She and I happen to be friends." My sister seems satisfied. "Can I go back to sleep now?"

Kelly smiles mischievously. "Can I put duct-tape over your mouth?"

"No, you may not."

"Aww."