Neophyte

Overhear

Mariana was inside her kizh contemplating the previous meeting. She hoped that being away from the Mission would bring ease, but it brought her more worry. Although Metztli wasn't her daughter, Mariana viewed her as one. There was something about Metztli that drew Mariana closer to her that was difficult to explain. 

"Mariana, may I enter?"

The older got out of her thoughts and looked at the entrance, where she saw a pair of legs and feet. "You may enter, Toypurina."

Toypurina bent slightly down to enter the kizh. "Forgive the intrustion but I noticed that you were filled with unease and I wanted to see if you were well."

Mariana sighed. "I had hope that coming here would relieve some of our troubles but then I find the only more are coming."

Toypurina sat beside Mariana. Although she didn't show it, Toypurina was also worried. "With the Spaniards, there is always something to worry about. Our people have always lived with fear and worry ever since their arrival."

"I agree. It is even more difficult to live in such times as a woman."

"I know. I didn't want to say this, but my brother informed me that we have received new members to our tribe. Refugees who had escaped from ranchos that were being abused. One of them was an adolescent who was raped by a Soldado de Cuera is now pregnant."

Mariana covered her lips, feeling distraught. "Tonantzin (Our Revered Mother Earth). Icnotepilhuan (Poor child). To have her innocence taken away from her so violently."

"Yes, I met with her and she is only sixteen. She is going to give birth soon, but her eyes are filled with void."

"What of her parents?"

"Her father was killed due to the beating he received while trying to defend his wife and daughter and the mother died of disease. The poor girl had no one and the ranch owner let this happen to 'breed' future workers."

Mariana made her hands into fists. She understood her daughter's hatred for the Spaniards and the Padres, and she tried to teach her daughter hope. The older woman wanted to believe that there were some good Spaniards like Victoriano. "It almost happened to me when I was younger. Remember when I told you?" Toypurina nodded. "I have never been so terrified in my life but more so when I had to kill one of the men that tried to rape me."

"You were brave, Mariana. You mustn't let the guilt overcome you."

"I know I was defending myself and Victoriano, but I still killed someone. Such an action is never easy to forget. If I didn't go get water that night, then perhaps..."

"If you didn't, then you would have been punished or sold as a slave. Perhaps you would have been sentenced to death. You and I know that if you and Victoriano didn't kill those Soldados, then they would have done what they planned to do. There would have been no justice within the land they proclaimed as theirs."

The older woman stood as she paced. "I know."

Toypurina watched Mariana as she slowly paced. "Didn't you tell me that when Victoriano was a Soldado, he tried pursuing you?" The young woman decided to change the subject, not wanting Mariana's mood to sour even more. 

Mariana stopped pacing and chuckled. "Yes, he did. I believed he wanted to use me, and I decided not to accept his advances. My grandmother, who was alive at the time, always told me that every Spaniard was evil and I believed that."

"You were like Valentina when you were younger."

"She got that from me, although I shouldn't be too upset with her. Still, Victoriano pursued me without force. I slowly began to believe that there were some Spaniards who weren't all evil. After we had to kill the Soldados, he never left my side."

"It is because he was in love with you. Victoriano could have blamed you, but he didn't. He knew that what his people were doing was wrong."

"I was inconsolable when I had to leave my tribe, my home, my culture, my language, my grandmother. Victoriano was always by my side but our challenge yet was when I became pregnant."

Toypurina's eyes softened. "Mariana, how long are you going to keep this secret? Guillermo and Valentina need to know the truth about their father."

Mariana immediately looked at Toypurina. "Please don't speak of it. I cannot afford anyone to know or listen. I should have kept this to myself."

"The secret is destroying you, Mariana. Whether you want to admit it or not, you have lied to your children. You and Victoriano." Before Mariana could counter, Toypurina stood as she continued, "Are you willing to die with the secret and keep pretending that their supposed father died? I understand Victoriano chose to become a man of God for all of your sakes, but when he can no longer continue his duties, you all will no longer have protection. Go away together and be the family you have always wanted."

The older woman hugged herself. "Enough Toypurina. We were poor, and we didn't want our children to be in danger. Victoriano and I knew that the only way they could be protected and have a better life was if they became a Padre, and now he is a Bishop. He has more power and was there for our children. They wouldn't be safe even if they were considered Mestizos. As a Bishop, Victoriano has more authority and respect. This is what he wanted as well. He was always there to protect and educate our children."

"What?"

The women flinched when they saw Metztli at the entrance; her eyes and lips were widened. They realized that she had heard everything.