𝐑𝐎𝐘𝐀𝐋 𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐋

My thoughts?

I don't know why I'm writing this but I just wanted you guys to know what's going on with me-

This incident isn't recent it happened about two weeks ago I don't know why I feel like sharing it now maybe because I'm a bit emotional after just having a fight with my mother.

So yeah... my life isn't normal
Home doesn't feel like home it feels like a jail.

I'm not allowed to have male friends not even for study purposes
I'm not allowed to wear short dresses, sleeveless outfits, crop tops, shorts, or bodycon dresses
I'm not even allowed to use Instagram I still do but secretly
I'm not allowed to use Snapchat
I'm not even allowed to meet my female friends except maybe once a year                                              I'm not allowed to talk with my friends on call more than 1 hour 

And no, these rules aren't from my father
They come from my mother and maternal uncle (mama)
They treat me like some kind of slave a little-bit-free slave just because I'm their daughter/niece

Sometimes, the atmosphere here is so toxic that I end up harming myself
The worst was two weeks ago when I actually tried to attempt suicide! 
I went to the washroom and cut my wrist
YES I DID! But it was just a little
As soon as I saw the blood I got scared
And just like that boom I decided not to die.

But the toxicity keeps increasing

I'm not even allowed to use my own photo as my WhatsApp profile picture
I thought okay since I'm a BTS Army I'll put Jungkook's picture

But even that caused an argument with my mom

She said:
"Why don't you listen to us? Become something like a doctor first, then put your own photo. Put a god's photo or your parents instead."

I was like... WTF?

I get taunted for not getting into a government medical college
I get taunted if I skip household chores even once (we don't have a maid)
If I take a stand for myself  even when I'm not wrong  I get labelled as a brat.
I even get taunted for having a weak immune system like it's my fault I'm always sick maybe they are right its my fault even my friends make fun of me for having weak immune system words like "tu toh bimaar hi rehti hai"

Recently, I told you guys I wasn't feeling well
The doctor now says my symptoms are similar to jaundice
But we have to wait a week for the blood tests because jaundice doesn't show up immediately in reports.
They said my liver is very weak and if we don't take action now it could be dangerous.

For the last 3 years, I've gotten jaundice every single year
Tests like ALT and AST will be done to check my liver
The treatment may last up to 6 months

All of this is just... too much pressure.

The medication makes me dizzy
I feel sleepy all the time
I can't study
It's affecting my mental health, my physical health... everything is falling apart.

I don't want to say this but I used to have good online friends
Turns out they were just friends in name
Once I stopped texting, they never reached out again
Because it was always one-sided.

I've deleted most of my social media.
Now I'm not in contact with any online friend except one
Kamya (@bibliophile.kamya) — my best friend only she knows how cooked I am!! 

I just needed to rant
These thoughts were weighing on my mind
Even right now after that huge argument with my mom the suicidal thoughts returned
But I'm reminding myself
Just one more year!
Just one year!
Once I get into medical college... I'm never coming back!

There was also an incident where I was sexualized by my own relative,
and instead of getting support,
I got lectured by my mother-
And no I wasn't wearing anything revealing.
I was in desi attire with a dupatta.

I'll share that story later maybe when my health improves  probably on an Instagram live.
Don't worry there'll still be a Royal Revival update on Monday I'm not uploading this ranting as goodbye of farewell lol I just wanted to share my thoughts I'll still give updates I'll try my best ki is mondey update dedu but please do engage! 

Also one thing-

Many of my readers have been saying that I've changed that I've become rude I don't know... maybe it's just because I don't have any energy left in me to make others feel safe and cared for So, if I ever seemed rude to you or spoke harshly I'm really sorry <3

I hope I'll overcome my suicidal thoughts, manifest clearing NEET 2026, get into a GMC, escape this toxic home oops jail and return to the girl I used to be ~ cheerful and a little kaleshi haha <33