Tangled Webs II: Normal For The Spider - An SVU fic

25.Blurred reality

A bunch of you wanted my head for the last chapter and I don't blame you, but can I just say that once the rain is gone, a storm usually clears up, probably...well a lot of the time! Dick Wolf owns, I just rent. Enjoy.

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In her black dress she stood at their coffins, holding their baby; their only surviving child and she wept uncontrollably. One would think that it would be impossible to muster more tears after crying an ocean over the course of a week, but there she was and there they were; the tears that started silently at first then before she knew it were rolling in torrents; her self composure rolling with them and before long she was in full mode sobbing, her pain so great it's as if it were pulling out of her.

She tried to do it; to be strong for today but how can one be expected to be strong when everyone they love, save one, is gone and being committed to the ground? How can anyone be strong when the life they had is essentially over but they're still breathing?

"My husband- my love, our babies- my world. He said he'd never leave me, that we were forever, that we were all forever."

In that moment, the pain was so great, the hurt so undeniably real that she sobbed so loudly she woke Casey and I proceeded to hug her for dear life.

Why was this happening?

... ... ...

It's been three weeks since...and not a day came that was any easier. I'll never understand that thing they say about time being a healer; it just isn't. The hurt forces me to go back when I lost Chloe; its the only thing to compare it to and I thought nothing could ever top that pain but I was wrong. Only now, I can't shut down because I have this little person who's depending on me for her survival.

I opened my eyes to feel her nipping at my breast from where she lay beside me and I immediately looked down at her to say good morning as I scooped her up in my arms and unbuttoned the top three buttons on my shirt to give her what she needed.

"There you go" I said gently as she latched on and ate without a care in the world. I snuggled close to her and dreaded the task of leaving this bed today. Living was just too hard. I thought as I closed my eyes, leaning back against the pillows.

The day the police told her that they had her baby she thought it was a cruel joke. There she was, her heart broken beyond all measure, her world crashing down around her and they were standing there telling her that her baby was alive.

It turns out that Trevor, so busy with Noah throwing a fit over his turtle that had been left at home, and the twins fighting; he left the restaurant and Casey sitting there at the table in her car seat. He was only gone about 10 minutes when he realized and he called the restaurant in a panic but they assured him that she was fine and they would take care of her until he got there.

He was on his way back to the get her when that drunk driver came speeding the wrong way and ended everything.

She shook the thought out of her head and wiped her tears. The baby was looking up at her and she forced herself to smile for her sake.

"Your two months old today" She suddenly remembered. "Happy birthday little one." She whispered. Casey stopped sucking and smiled at Olivia, milk spilling down her chin and Olivia couldn't help but smile as Casey went back to feeding and she was overcome with tears, Casey looked so much like Trevor. Adrienne looked like Trevor... She was pulled out of her reverie when the phone rang and she quickly wiped her tears before she answered.

"Hello" there was no way to describe her tone. Three weeks later and it was dull and lifeless, still full of so much pain.

"I just thought I'd call and check on you" Alex said.