slide away {lorenzo berkshire}

66. i almost do

"If I let him do this to me, what else will I allow? Anything, anything, anything."
- Catherynne M. Valente

~~~~~~

Cassie Avery

I'd been trying not to think about the way Lorenzo had looked at me last night. About the words he'd said - and the ones he hadn't.
It was ridiculous, really. I'd spent years perfecting the art of brushing him off, keeping him at arm's length no matter how close he got. But then he'd gone and said 'not at this current moment', and it had lodged in my chest like a splinter. I wasn't about to admit it to him, obviously. Or to anyone.

So instead, I did what I always did: surrounded myself with noise.

The common room was buzzing. It should have been a perfect distraction. Blaise and Draco were locked in another one of their smug duels over the chessboard, Theo had claimed the best armchair and was halfway through stealing Onyx's blanket.

But Lorenzo was stretched across the sofa beside me, long legs taking up far more space than necessary, smirking whenever I nudged him to move.

It was comfortable. Loud, chaotic, almost normal. For a while, it worked. Sort of.

Until Theo, as usual, ruined everything.

He lobbed a cushion across the room at Mattheo, who was slouched in the corner with his arms folded, pretending not to exist. "Oi, Grandpa. Why are you so miserable? You're nineteen, not ninety".

Mattheo caught it with a scowl, and hurled it back harder. "Twenty."

The word slipped out sharp and too fast, and the second it hit the air I saw it - the flicker in his face, like he wished he could stuff it back in his mouth.

Theo's eyebrows shot up. "Twenty?".

"Since when?", Blaise leaned back in his chair suspiciously.

"Since I was born, obviously", Mattheo said flatly, jaw tightening.

Lorenzo narrowed his eyes. "Funny," he said slowly, grin tugging at his mouth. "Because I could've sworn you were nineteen at the start of the week."

Mattheo didn't flinch. "You're remembering wrong."

Lorenzo leaned forward, eyes gleaming. "Don't think so. Pretty sure I was there. You definitely said nineteen."

"Maybe I rounded down," Mattheo muttered.

Theo perked up instantly, grin stretching. "Rounded - what? Who rounds down their age?".

Lorenzo's grin widened like he already knew the answer. "So unless maths has changed, that means you just-".

"Don't," Mattheo snapped.

"- turned twenty."

There was a beat of silence, then Theo's voice echoed around the room. "Oh my god. It's today!".

Mattheo shot him a glare sharp enough to cut glass. "No."

"Yes," Theo crowed, pointing like he'd cracked some grand mystery. "That face says yes."

Onyx clapped her hands together, grinning. "Oh my god, it is! Mattheo Riddle has a birthday and he wasn't going to tell us?".

"I definitely wasn't going to tell you," Mattheo bit out, scowl deepening.

I almost laughed. Of course he hadn't told anyone. Birthdays were for people who wanted to be celebrated, and Mattheo had never seemed like one of those people.

"Happy birthday," Lorenzo said, tone maddeningly casual. He wore the kind of grin that made it impossible to tell whether he was sincere or just trying to wind Mattheo up. Probably both.