Maybe We Should Go Back

Parents, can we talk?

I've avoided writing this entry for so long, not wanting to come off as "judgy" or "that mom" who thinks she's a better parent than you. It's such a touchy subject, talking about the way you are raising your kids.

BUT...

Can we seriously fucking talk?

Your fourth grader sucks his thumb and can't tie his shoes. In fact (while the thumb sucking is a first for me this year), the shoe tying bullshit is becoming a real problem and it was last year too. I am not doing it. Sorry. It is way too much of a liability for me to be bending down that close to your child's body and private parts. Hugs? Sure, all day! But tying shoes on a ten year old is too weird to me. I won't do it. Quite frankly, it ain't my job. It's yours. And you didn't do it. That is no one's problem but yours.

The first time the shoe question came up was last year. A kid asked me to tie his shoes and I thought he was being lazy and bullshitting me. I said, "No way. You do it." And he had this look on his face, like a cross between confusion and embarrassment, and I was speechless as I suddenly realized... he had no clue. He said, "I don't know how," and out of sheer shock and pity for him I just did it. It was the first, last and only time I ever tied a shoe. Now I just say find a friend to help, you know, a friend whose parents actually raised them and shit.

I also have multiple cases of meltdowns and tears throughout the day. When I was in the fourth grade, one kid cried one time all year, and we talked about that shit for six months! He never lived it down! That's how rare it was for a ten year old to cry at school. Now it's every damn day! Boys, girls, doesn't matter! They shed tears over losing pencils or having their backpack touched. I've never seen such fragile beings in all my life.

Don't even get me started on academics. I had a kid not know how to spell his own name this year. Yes. I'm not making it up. He could not spell his own name. I had to write it for him. That was one of the saddest things I think I've seen.

While I'm on the subject, why am I hearing from my son's kindergarten teacher that multiple students in her class are not potty trained?

And how are y'all OKAY with ANY of this?!

I can't fathom changing the same kid's diaper for FIVE or SIX years! When will it stop? Am I gonna have to deal with fourth graders who aren't potty trained in a couple years? The kids feel no shame, by the way, for being so hopelessly behind their peers, and likewise it's not weird to their classmates either. We are experiencing a total societal sea-change for the worse, and everyone is just going on like this is normal and okay. It's absolutely horrifying to me. We have infantilized people so much that this is all just normal. Adulthood starts at 30 or 40 now. Childhood is extended well into most people's twenties. When will it stop? Teenagers used to get married and rule nations back in the day. Now (I'm betting) there are more than a few who can't tie their own shoes.

If they don't have potty training or shoe tying down by the age of seven, I have to ask the next logical questions: do they know how to brush their teeth? Shampoo their hair? Wash their hands? Get dressed? Has anyone taught them the other basics we all just assume everyone learns during childhood? I'm guessing the answer is no. Many, many of society's children, especially with families that don't raise a red flag, are being criminally dumbed down and neglected intellectually. Seriously. It should be a crime. If your six year old can't use a toilet, that needs to be illegal. We can't count on people having shame anymore. Why? Because society will no longer shame them or pressure them to get this stuff done. We need laws.

On one hand it's heartbreaking. On another it's unfathomable. The only reason I can come up with for this current reality is that parents are just addicted to their phones. I have no other explanation for why so many of my students would be better off being raised by wild wolves in the forest. The neglect is just insane to me. Yes, their basic needs are being met and all the parents I've met seem kind and normal, but many of their kids are being intellectually neglected to a degree that should be illegal.

I hope this goes without saying, but I'm not talking about those kids who have special needs or difficulties that would explain what I'm seeing. I am talking your normal, average kid from a normal, average family can no longer do basic things or use a basic thinking process. It's so sad, and I can't go on just not saying anything.