What He Left (Hannily)

4: Back On Track

Hanna's POV

I cry silent tears as I drive away from my best friend. I've always felt something deeper than that though, I just have been too afraid to act upon it.
I think I made the right decision though. Emily's life has gotten too complicated, and she needs space from anything that will distract her from getting better.
I drive home and go straight to my room to wallow in my sadness.

After three hours of staring at the ceiling, I decide to get up and head downstairs to make breakfast. While I do that, I blast J. Cole all throughout the house.
I mouth the words while I cook, and eat while dancing.
Since I spilled almost an entire glass of milk on myself, I go upstairs and take my second shower of the day.
I get dressed in nice clothes, and now... I have nothing to do.
Oh, duh! I'll text Emily.
Wait... shit.

*The next day*
My mother gets home from work and I haven't gotten out of bed since yesterday. Not even to eat.
It's like all of my energy, and reason for living has drained away.
"Hey honey, how long have you been home?" She asks, setting a bag on my chair.
"Day or so." I mumble into my pillow.
"What? Hanna speak up." She scoffs.
"Uugghhh go away." I groan and pull the covers over my head.
"Okay, don't be acting bitchy after not seeing me for almost four days. What's been going on that's got you so upset?" She sits next to me on my bed.
I don't answer, because I know if I do I'll just rethink my decision and end up hurting Emily.
"Okay, I guess I'll just go make lunch. Come down and eat in a half an hour." She orders. I roll my eyes in annoyance.
"And I can tell when you roll your eyes at me Hanna." She says and closes the door.
Ugh! How does she do that?
I get up and get dressed into better and less disgusting clothes, and head downstairs.
"Look who finally cracked." She pats the counter, inviting me to sit.
"Yeah, well I need to vent." I say and plop onto a barstool.
"Vent away." She glides around the kitchen and I tell her about everything.
"Oh my god, that poor soul." My mom puts her hand over her chest and sighs.
"Well, do you think I made the right decision?" I ask.
"Of course not! Hanna, she needs you now more than ever! You're the only person who keeps the nasty pictures out of her head, so without you, she's going to be a mess! You have to go see her now, I'm making you do this." She points out the door and throws me my keys.
I catch them and almost run out the front door.

I drive to Emily's house and knock on the door.
"Hello, Hanna. Emily isn't here." Mrs. Fields answers the door.
"Oh... Where is she?" I ask, confused.
"Didn't you hear? She's gone through a depression, and she's been acting out of sorts so they've admitted her into Radley."
My world stops and I feel my head spinning. I grab onto the doorframe to keep myself upright, and as soon as I get my balance, I run to my car.

"Emily Fields? She was admitted just recently, she's seventeen-"
"Ma'am if you're visiting, you need to sign in." The reception lady pushes a pen and paper in my direction and I scribble my name down.
"Second floor, unit twelve." The woman says.
I sprint to the elevator, and accidentally bump into Spencer.
"Hey, you shouldn't be here." She says lowly.
"What, why? Emily's here, isn't she?" I ask.
"Well yeah but..." She trails off.
"But what? Spence, I have to go see her." I push past her and step into the elevator.
"No, you can't go up there-" Her words are cut off by the doors closing, and I'm surrounded by silence.
I wonder why she was so frantic. She told me I couldn't see Emily, is she crazy?
I find the unit that Emily is in, and it all becomes clear why Spencer didn't want me to come up here.
"No! Get off of me, please don't hurt me! No no no, stop Ben it hurts!" Emily's strangled cries of distress fill the entire second floor, and I feel my stomach turning at the shrill noise.
"Emily!" I press my face against the cold metal bars, and the men who work here are struggling to keep her down.
Once they succeed, they inject a clear green liquid and she immediately settles into a sleep state. The men leave and I sneak into the cell.
I take Emily's warm hand in mine and kiss it gently.
"I'm sorry Emily. I shouldn't have ever left your side. I thought I was helping you." I sob and kneel next to her bed.
I hear many footsteps coming closer to the cell and Spencer, Aria, and Alison run in.
"Why didn't you guys tell me that she had a breakdown? I could've been there to help-"
"Save it Hanna. You could've stayed, but you didn't! You are the reason she's like this! You're the reason the baby could've died!" Alison spits at me.
"Alison!" Spencer and Aria scold in unison.
My breathing quickens and tears flow out of my eyes once again. I could have killed Emily's baby.
I bury my head in my knees and sob uncontrollably. I feel a hand rub my back, but it doesn't help one bit.
"Ali, you should leave." Spencer says at her.
"What? Why should I have to-"
"Just, leave." Aria shows her out and I continue crying.
"Hanna, you didn't mean to do any harm. You thought you were helping her, we understand." Spencer kneels next to me.
"Yeah, I didn't mean to, but I did!" I snap at her and she sighs.
"The important thing is she's okay, and we're getting her out of here as soon as she wakes up and sees your face. It'll change her entire way of thinking, and she'll be okay." Spencer helps me up and I sit in a chair.
"How long until the sedative wear off?" I ask.
"They told me it would be about an hour." She says and sits next to me.

"No..." Emily groans and rolls on her side. I freeze and grab Spencer's knee.
"Go over there, Han!" She pushes me and I run over to her.
"Em? It's Hanna, I'm here." I sniffle and shake her gently.
"No, Ben get off of me!" She cries and slaps my hands away, making me flinch.
"Emily open your eyes, it's Hanna." I grab her hand and her eyes pop open.
"Hanna? Oh my god." She embraces me tightly and I smile internally.
She's back.
"Are you okay?" I pull away and inspect her face carefully.
"Woah woah, you don't get to ask me questions. Why the hell would you leave me when you know I can't live without you?!" She slaps my arm and I look at the ground.
"I was trying to help you." I say sadly.
"Well, the only way you can help me is by never leaving my side. I can't live without you Hanna." She whispers.
She uses her finger to tilt my chin up to meet her eyes.
My stomach does a flip when blue eyes meet brown. Her face is just inches from mine and I take the opportunity.
I kiss her hard and she grabs the back of my neck. I climb onto the bed and straddle her legs with my own.
Spencer clears her throat all of a sudden, and I jump.
"Sorry to interrupt, but we have to get her out of here." She points at Emily and I nod.
"Yeah, we should." I say and peck Emily's lips one last time.
She smiles up at me and squeezes my torso.
"Let's do this." She says and we get off of the bed.
"Okay I'll go get the nurse." Spencer leaves quickly and disappears down the hall.
"Was that not the weirdest thing ever?" Emily laughs and I agree.
"I mean she had to have seen that coming. Right?" I say and Emily laughs.
"Ms. Fields? You said you're better? Would you like to take your leaving test?" She opens the cell door and Emily nods.
"This will only take a few moments." She smiles and I follow Emily out of the room.

After Emily is done with the tests, she passes of course, and we are free to go.
"Awesome, let's get out of this hellhole." Emily rolls her eyes and walks into the elevator.
We leave Radley and drop Spencer off on our way to Emily's house.
"Bye Spence!" I call and she waves from her front step.
When she shuts the door, I back out of the driveway and head off towards Em's home.
"Han?" She asks and looks at me.
"Yes?" I ask and glance quickly at her, not wanting to take my eyes off the road.
"I'm sorry if I ever made you believe that I don't have feelings for you. I do. I just never showed it because I was with... you know." She shrugs and gets choked up.
"Em, don't worry about it. All I care about right now, is you and the baby. Those old problems are the least of my worries." I grab her hand and connect our fingers.
"Thank you." She smiles and kisses the top of my hand. My stomach flips and I hold back my wide grin.
"Don't do that while I'm driving." I scold lightly.
"Why not?" She asks, knowing the effect it has on me.
"Because I won't be responsible for the way I respond." I look her in the eyes and see the blush rise to her cheeks. "Yeah. Don't do it." I look back at the road.
We get back to her house and her mom runs out of the front door.
"Emily! I thought you'd be in there for months!" Mrs. Fields hugs her and almost knocks her over.
"Yeah, well thanks to Hanna," She motions towards me, "I got out early." She winks at me and I melt. I snap out of it quickly and look at Mrs. Fields.
"Oh, Hanna darling thank you so much." She embraces me warmly and I pat her on the back.
"It was no problem Mrs. Fields. I'd do anything for your daughter." I wink at Emily this time and she fans herself dramatically.
I hold back my laughter as Emily's mom looks at my face.
"That's incredibly sweet of you. And please, call me Pam." She nudges me with her elbow and I smile.
Emily and I follow Pam into the house, and we run upstairs.
"I'm so glad to be home." Emily plops on her bed and sighs.
I climb onto it next to her and rest my head on her chest.
Her hand lays on my back, and she gently glides it up and down my spine, making me shiver and relax at the same time.
"I'm really glad you came back for me Hanna." Emily whispers, her voice catching in the back of her throat.
"Me too. Hey," I look up at her and wipe away a stray tear, "Don't cry. I'm here, and I promise you, I'm never leaving again." I say and she blushes furiously.
"That makes me very happy to hear you say that." She strokes my cheek with her thumb and I recall a question I meant to ask her.
"Um... I have to ask you something." I say nervously.
"Oh god Marin, why do you have to ruin the moment?" She jokes and palms her forehead.
"I'm serious, Emily." I say and that gets her attention. "Do you... remember what happened before they injected all the sedative into you?" I ask and play with my hands.
"Oh yeah, the miscarriage scare." She shivers and I cringe at her choice of words.
"Yeah, that. I sort of... caused it." I feel the tears pour down my checks and slide into my ears.
"Um no, you almost caused that. But you didn't." She corrects.
"Emily, I could have killed you're unborn child." I say bluntly and she shrugs.
"But, you didn't!" She says once again and I sigh.
"But I didn't." I repeat.
"Good job." She reaches over and wipes my tears.
We spend the rest of the night talking and laughing together. This is by far the most emotional and confusing week of my life, but for right now all I care about is having Emily and her baby by my side.