What He Left (Hannily)

11: These Wounds Don't Seem to Heal

Emily's POV

"Peanut butter, check. Fig bars, check. String cheese, check. Tomato, check. Salt, check. Okay, I think I have everything." I pile my snacks onto a tray and struggle to carry it all up to my room.
Being five months pregnant and trying to lug thirty pounds of junk up the stairs is not an easy task. I have to stop many times and brace myself on the railing, before continuing.
I finally make it to my room and close the door with my foot. I plop my food down on my bed and flip on my TV to my favorite show at the moment, Family Feud.
I dig into my feast at the same time that my phone starts buzzing.
"Ugh," I lick all of the peanut butter off of my fingertips before carefully grabbing my phone, "hello?"
"Emily, can you come unlock the front door? It's freezing out here!" I hear Aria's voice on the other end, followed by slight teeth chettering.
"Oh my god, I just sat down! There's a key in the plant next to the bench, let yourself in. I'm in my room." I hang up and wait to hear the front door open.
Aria walks into my room and plops down next to me. She reaches for my fig bars and I slap her hand.
"Hey!" She pouts.
"Um, when you're five months pregnant and raging with cravings, you can have some of my food okay?" I turn my attention back to Steve Harvey and the family that just won a brand new car.
"You know, the doctor recommended more outside activity. It's a beautiful Saturday afternoon, you should take advantage of it." Aria lectures.
I don't take my eyes off the screen when I mutter, "Hmph." followed by, "I'm starting my job at the Brew tomorrow. Walking to my car and driving to the store will be enough outside activity for me."
"Have you been taking your medicine?" She presses.
"Yes, mom." I roll my eyes again.
"I'm just checking! I want the best for these babies." She pats my belly.
I let Aria have a slice of my tomato because I feel bad about slapping her hand earlier.
"Salt?" I offer. She shakes her head and I shrug and sprinkle some on my slice.
"Hurry up and eat all that, your appointment is in less than fifteen minutes." She rushes me, and I groan.
"Em, you need to find out how we're dealing with this tumor. It's your babies life we're talking about here." Aria proves.
"You're right, shut up." I roll my eyes and she puts her shoes back on.
"I'll go warm the car up." She says and leaves.
I move the empty tray littered with wrappers and used napkins to the side so I can put my shoes on.
I make my way down the stairs and outside to feel a blast of cool, refreshing air hit me.
I hop in the passenger seat and try to calm the kicking babies that are prancing around inside my swollen belly on the way to the hospital.

"Good afternoon, Ms. Fields. We're going to start off with a small little ultrasound just to see our progress. Then, we'll discuss medicine and potential alternatives to shrink, and possibly rid, this pesky little tumor. Lay back please." The doctor instructs.
I do as he says and lift my shirt slightly to reveal my humongous belly.
Aria places a hand on top of it and smiles. I look up at her and she quickly takes it off.
"Aria, its fine." I place her hand back on my belly and I feel one of the babies kick. She gasps and starts squealing.
"Oh my god! That was so cool!" She pulls her phone out, probably to tweet about it, and the doctor gets the ultrasound machine set up.
He puts a generous amount of gel on top of my stomach.
"Okay, we'll just check the heartbeats..." He places the wand on my belly and moves it around. In a few seconds, we hear a loud *bum bum bum* filling the room. Then another one starts, slightly off beat from the first one. "Well those are two healthy heartbeats if I say so myself." He nods approvingly, and I feel a little glimmer of hope inside me.
He flips a switch and all of a sudden, the grainy, black and white picture that was on the screen is replaced with a sort of enhanced version. It is somewhat three dimensional, and really shows the details on the babies.
"This is a new program we've decided to try out on you. All it is, is a modified version of your regular ultrasound and it brings out the more minute details of the fetusus." He explains, but I'm too mesmerized by my baby's feet to pay attention.
"That's... strange." The doctor's voice sounds skeptical and I whip my head to his.
"What do you mean? What's strange?" I ask urgently.
"No no, it isn't bad. The tumor seems to have... shrunk. All by itself." He creases his brow and my heart leaps.
"Shrunk? As in, it got smaller?" I beam and look at the TV.
"Em, that's the definition of shrunk." Aria places a hand on my shoulder and I shoot her a look.
"Let me grab my administrator." He hurries out of the room and I lay my head back in astonishment.
"Wow, that medicine must have really worked." Aria laughs and I smile at her.
I pull out my cell and dial Hanna's number.
"Emily?" She sounds out of breath.
"Yeah, it's me. Are you okay?"
"Oh, yeah. I'm just... running." She says the last part quietly.
I almost burst into laughter.
"You're what?" I giggle.
"I'm running! What do you want?" She asks frustrated.
"I have the best news!" I squeal.
"You're having the babies?!"
"What? No! The tumor shrunk!"
"Oh my god! That's great!" There's a pause when she stops to catch her breath I think, "Oh wow, that is the best news!"
"I know, right?!" The doctor walks back into the room with a woman. "Hey, I've gotta go. I love you too, bye." I hang up and wait for the woman to speak.
The doctor shows her the size difference between my last two ultrasounds.
"Oh boy, that is phenomenal." She places a hand under her chin and stares intently at the screen.
"I think the medicine really made it's way into the tumor and canceled out the unhealthy cells inside." The doctor looks at the woman, as if for approval on what he's just said.
"So now all we basically have to do is wait for birth, and then perform a minor surgery. I mean, there obviously isn't any more cancer cells inside of it." Now she's looking at him, and they both nod.
"Well, Ms. Fields, your baby has beaten cancer." The woman smiles at me and my eyes immediately fill with tears of pure joy.

After the appointment with Aria, I called all of the girls to my house to tell them the news. We get to my house and they're all already here so we walk inside to see them sitting in my living room with my mom.
"Hey guys!" Aria and I walk in and my mom greets us. She wipes her cheeks, which looked wet for some reason.
"Mom, are you crying?" I ask.
"No I..." She looks back at Spencer. Alison, and Hanna, "Honey there's something you should know. Sit down please." She guides me over to the couch.
"Wait, but I have good news." I say as I slowly sit down.
"What's going on?" I hear Aria whisper to Spencer quietly. She holds up a finger, signaling her to wait.
"You know your father was stationed again." She totally disregards what I said and I just nod. My dad was called back last week and he's been in Iraq for about four days. "Well..." She squeezes her eyes shut and places a hand on the back of her neck.
My stomach drops to my ass in realization of what she's struggling to get out.
"No." Is all I manage as an unexpected sob bursts from my mouth. I don't even try to stop the ones that follow.
This is the type of pain that a person can only bare once, twice, maybe three times in their life. I've experienced it three times in the last six months.
One: Hanna is missing.
Two: My baby has cancer.
Three: My father is dead.
I stand up shakily, and everyone's eyes follow me.
I mutter, in an monotone voice, "My baby beat cancer." I walk up the stairs and lock myself in my room.
I can't take this anymore. Every time the pain from the last incident starts going away, something has to start it right back at the beginning.
I just stare up at the ceiling and slowly let go of my thoughts, like a child letting go of a balloon.
I watch it float away from me, up up up until it is just a spec in the sky that you couldn't catch if you weren't looking hard enough.
My mind is blank.
I'm numb, once again.