What He Left (Hannily)

13: Doing My Best

Hanna's POV

At 4:45 I drive over to Emily's house to wait for her to get home.
Her mother sends me upstairs with homemade yogurt and a glass of ice water. She's too sweet.
I relax on Em's bed for the remainder of my alone time and watch TV.
At 5:09 I hear Emily walk through the door and say a few things to her mother before jogging up the stairs.
"So, he just showed up at your door with zero warning whatsoever?" She immediately says.
"My day was good, how was yours?" I laugh.
"I'm sorry, I've just been needing to hear about this. Aren't you bugged by it just a little?" She sits on the bed and tucks one leg underneath her.
"Of course I am. How could I not be, it was a complete surprise. Almost knocked me over." I replay the motion of opening the front door in my head, and just watching him turn around.
It was like a movie.
I explain to her in detail what happened and when I'm finished she just sighs.
"Where has he been this entire time?" She spits angrily and starts pacing. "He can't expect to dump you, disappear for months on end, come back into your life and expect you to take him back. Hell no." She puts her fingers on her eyebrows and closes her eyes. I feel the flustered energy radiating off of her and I grab her by the waist.
"Hey, he doesn't matter to me anymore. It's you. Now, and forever. Don't stress about something so unnecessary." I kiss her softly on the lips and she places her hands on my hips and pulls me closer to her.
I giggle when my belly touches her bump.
"They're growing fast, damn." I kneel and pull Emily's shirt up to reveal her bare stomach.
I kiss it all over and rest my hand on top.
"I think they're finally asleep. They wouldn't stop kicking the entire second half of my shift." She groans, exhausted.
I pull her top back down and she collapses onto the bed.
Suddenly, Emily's purse starts vibrating and she pulls her cell out.
"Hey, Ezra." She answers. "Oh, is she okay?" She asks. "Alright that's fine... yeah no problem... you're welcome." She hangs up.
"Was that your boss?" I adky, remembering Emily telling me his name was Ezra.
"Yeah, he asked me to come in tomorrow. I usually wouldn't have worked but Amanda called in sick. I have Wednesday off and then I work Thursday." She explains.
She slips her phone back in her bag and pushes it off of the bed.
"I just need... sleep..." She says, her eyes droopy. I rub her knee lightly and pull her shoes off.
She starts losing consciousness as I take her pants and jacket off. After a few minutes of sweat and frustration, I successfully get sweat pants on her.
I lift her legs onto the bed, and pull the covers over her body.
I sigh deeply from all the hard work and eventually climb in next to her.
My dreams, or should I say nightmares, are filled with a mixture of Emily, Caleb, and Ben. As usual.

Emily's POV

"Happy birthday Emmy!" My dad whispers and tip toes into my room.
I squint in the morning sun.
"You're nine years old! That's so big!" He kneels next to my bed and brushes the tangled hair out of my face. I smile and stretch lazily.
I hook my arms around his neck and he stands, taking me with him. I wrap my legs around him and hang onto him all the way down the stairs.
"Good morning birthday girl!" Mom stands in front of my place at the bar, and when I enter the room she moves to reveal a pink and green cake.
Happy 9th Birthday Emmy! is written in fluffy green icing on top of the cake. My dad puts his hands under my armipts and plops me down onto the barstool.
Mom lights the candles one by one. "Make a wish." I close my eyes.
I wish daddy was still here.
I start to cry. And cry, and cry and cry. Kicking, screaming, punching at anything and everything.
Each tear that escapes my eyes is a memory I once shared with Dad, trickling and falling into nothing.
I curl into a tiny ball, as tiny as I a make myself. Tiny enough to disappear completely. Just like him.
"Emily!" My mom yells.
I open my eyes and my wide-eyed mother is in front of me.
"You were having a bad dream." She chokes and tucks a piece of her hair behind her ear.
Hanna leans over and places a hand on my shoulder. I flinch and shrug it off before I know who did it. I don't bother to apologize.
I look over at my clock. 8:50.
"Shit! I'm gonna be late!" I spring out of my bed and start getting dressed.
"Watch your mouth, Emily. And you are seriously not about to go to work." My mom scolds and says in disbelief.
"Why would I be getting dressed if I'm not going to work mom?" I say, my voice filled with attitude.
"God, aren't you even a little affected by this?" My mom sighs in disbelief.
I gape at her.
"You think I'm not affected by my father dying?!" I drop my clothes and clench my fists at my sides.
"Well honey, I don't know. It doesn't seem like it. Normally, someone wouldn't want to go to work and would want to stay home with their mother who, I don't know if you have noticed, is now a widow!" She covers her face with her hands and falls to her knees.
I sigh and walk over to her.
"Mom, I understand that it's hard. But you need to distract yourself. It isn't healthy to think about him and only him. Go back go work, pick up a new hobby. Do something." I encourage and she wipes her eyes. "Now, I have to go to work. I'm late." I stand and get dressed.
My mom eventually leaves the room while Hanna is just watching me.
"Can I drive you?" She asks after the long wait of silence.
"Sure." I shrug and finish getting ready.
Hanna and I head out without saying goodbye to my mother, and she drives me to the Brew.
"Have a good day, Em." Hanna hugs me and kisses my cheek.
I blush and she giggles.
"What?" She asks innocently.
I shake my head and grab the side of her face. I press our lips firmly together and her breathing starts to picks up speed.
Hanna's right hand rests on my thigh, and I start to feel it making it's way up.
Shit, I don't have time for this. But god, she's so tempting.
I mentally argue with myself until finally I gently grab Hanna's hand and move it upwards.
She smiles into my mouth and I whimper when she bites my lip.
"Somebody's gonna be late for work." She snatches her lingering hand away. What a tease!
I groan and she winks at me.
I relectuantly open the passenger door and walk in to the Brew. Two minutes late.
The aroma of coffee and sugar immediately fills my nose, a scent that I'm slowly getting used to.
"Good morning, Ezra." I say when I see my boss standing behind the counter. "I'm so sorry I'm late. I... had sort of a bad dream and-"
"Emily." He smiles sympathetically. I look at him questionably. "Oh um... your mother called me and told me about what happened." He explains. My eyes drop to the floor. "I know you've probably heard this a lot, but I'm really sorry." He sounds choked up, and sure enough when I look up at him his eyes are slightly watery.
"Thank you. It really does mean something." I smile weakly.
"You know, she said you're still willing to work, but if you need a few days off..." He offers.
There is a small moment when that seems like a good idea. Then I think about the silence. How much there would be. Free time, and how crazy it would drive me. My thoughts are too dangerous to be payed attention to.
Distractions are my best friend at this point.
"Again, thank you but I really need this money. And, I'm not safe if I'm not distracted." I say and grab my apron of the hook with my name above it.
He opens is mouth to say something, but shuts it.
After eight hours of continuously wiping my forehead, pausing to lean on tables in fear that I might collapse, and teetering on the verge of a mental breakdown, my shift ends.
I remove my sticky and sweaty apron and text Hanna to pick me up.
"Good job today, Emily." Ezra pats me on the shoulder and I smile gratefully at him.
Once Hanna texts me that she's here. I say goodnight to Ezra and walk into the crisp night air.
"Good evening beautiful." Hanna greets me and opens my door.
"Aw, why are you in such a good mood?" I blush and climb inside.
"There's no reason not to be." She smiles and kisses me through the open car window. She jogs to the driver's side and hops in.

The drive back to my house is silent but comfortable. Hanna rhythmically taps her thumb on my thigh and I smile to myself at the sweet gesture.
As soon as I walk into the house, a wave of nausea rushes over me.
"Em, what's wrong?" Hanna places a hand on my lower back to steady my wobbly legs.
"I'm going to throw up." I say quickly and she does her best to get me to the bathroom.
I make it half way.
"Oh, Emily!" My mom exclaims at the sight of my vomit all over the rug.
"I'm sorry mom." I wipe my mouth and gag once more.
"Honey, go to the bathroom!"
I stand almost too quickly and stumble to the toilet.
A couple more gags rack my body and cause my spine to curl, but then I'm finished.
I sit back and catch my breath.
"Are you good?" Hanna asks cautiously.
I nod wordlessly and scramble to my feet. We walk to my room, careful not to step in my bodily fluids on the way, and eventually fall asleep.

"Emily, you need to eat dinner. Wake up." Hanna shakes me awake.
"Not... hungry." I mutter groggily.
"You may not feel like it, but you haven't eaten since you fell asleep. Twelve hours ago." She counters.
I raise my head and feel my hair sticking to one side of my face. The clock on my nightstand says 7:00 AM.
"Oh shit." I whisper to myself.
"Hey, you don't have to go to work today. It's Wednesday." Hanna says.
"No, I told Ezra I would come in for him on Wednesdays. Overtime." I sigh and climb out of bed.
I pull on some black skinny jeans with maroon Doc Marten's and a black long sleeve sweater. I throw on a gray beanie to keep my head warm and brush my teeth.

The day at work is slow, as I expected. I'm back at home with Hanna before I know it, and I've been looking forward to it all day because I have a doctors appointment today.
"So what's special about the five and a half month check up?" Hanna asks eagerly when I sit on my bed next to her.
"Nothing, I just always get excited for appointments. I like seeing the babies and hearing how they're doing. Although, they are telling me whether or not the tumor is completely gone or still lingering." I say matter-of-factly.
Twenty five minutes later, Hanna and I head up to the hospital to see the babies.
"Okay Ms. Fields, we're in room 201 right here." The doctor motions toward the second to last door in the hallway.
I walk in and get comfortable.
After he turns the machines and devices on, we get started.
"Okay..." Bum bum bum.
The babies synchronized heartbeats fill up the tiny room and I beam at Hanna.
"They're alive." I smile with glee at the sweet sound. I could listen to it all day.
"There is the spot the tumor was previously occupying. It looks one hundred percent clear now, Ms. Fields. Congratulations." The doctor smiles and snaps a few photos to show the family.
"Oh that's so wonderful!" I squeal and hug Hanna.
We walk out of the clinic with photos of the healthy twins and I couldn't be more ecstatic.